Will it ever end?
by ReclaimMyPlace
Summary: Draco meets a black haired boy in the robe fitting store and find himself feeling something he never felt before. - Through the years Draco struggles with the fact that he likes boys. Or more correctly - Likes Potter.
1. Hate him

**Giving Drarry another shot. I´m trying to write a little less angsty stuff. Let´s see if I succeeded!  
****And I really wanna thank "Salvat-wh-ore" - who made this a whole lot better. I´m so happy to finally having a beta, and she´s awesome! aah 3 :D**  


_**First year**_

There was only one boy in the silent room. His eyes shone like silver despite the oppressing darkness that was surrounding him. His hair was almost as bright as his eyes, and neatly combed backwards, revealing his pale and flawless skin. His face wore a proud expression and what seemed to be a never ending smirk that suggested he was superior to those around him – a feature known to run in the Malfoy family. The boy´s name was Draco Malfoy and he truly was better than most. Better than anyone, if you asked him. People would see him as self-absorbed, spoiled and rude. They were probably right. It was just the way he was, the way he had been raised, so who could blame him? Not that anyone would ever dare too. So Draco lived life blissfully unaware that his way was wrong, seeing as no one ever questioned him or rejected him. Little did he know that his life would take a turn in a whole different direction that very day.

A thin boy with baggy, worn out muggle-clothes and a messy crop of black hair walked in the doors of _Madam Malkin´s robes for all occasions. _Draco let out a slightly irritated huff at whoever it was that had dared to disturb the silence that he had used to admire his own reflection. The irritation was also because he had secretly fantasized that this was his own private robe fitting store where only he was allowed. But he soon got over it when he noticed that the person in question didn´t make much noise after all. He shifted his head slightly to get a look at the intruder. Then he smiled. Usually it only took Draco one look to judge a person. This was no exception. Judging people by their looks was easy, he was quite good at it actually, if you asked him. Just look at that weirdo! Clearly poor, by the looks of him, and even though some young wizards nowadays wore muggle attire, Draco didn´t like it. Wizards shouldn´t wear muggle clothes, his father had told him so. He thought it disgraceful. Especially if they´re ugly. Which, in this case, they were. And that messy hair wasn´t even worth looking at. It was nothing compared to his own perfectly styled, blond hair. He snickered quietly at his own wickedness as the weird boy was lead to the footstool next to him. Draco decided to ignore him since he had proven himself unworthy of Draco´s attention.

Feeling rather pleased with himself Draco started smirking and allowed himself to admire his perfect self in the mirror again. He was not disappointed, but something, in the edge of the mirror was bothering the flawless image. His silvery eyes automatically drew themselves towards the assumed problem and almost lost his balance when he met a pair of bright green eyes. It was like he had been shot in the chest by a stunning spell. His heart started pounding like crazy and his stomach made funny jolts, like something was inside it, making it all ticklish. Draco tried to get back to his senses, but despite his efforts he couldn´t for the life of him tear his eyes of those big, green, curious-looking eyes that was observing him in the mirror. Draco didn´t know what that strange, up til now inexperienced, feeling was, but it made him want to talk to the green-eyed boy. For some unknown reason he felt the need to impress him. Which was rather rare, seeing as it was usually the other way around.

"Hullo." Draco said confidently, as he continued watching the boy with fascination. "Hogwarts too?"

"Yes." The boy replied silently. The curious look was replaced by an embarrassed and rather terrified one, like he was deeply ashamed at being caught looking at Draco, and that he was awaiting a scolding.

Normally, Draco _wouldn´t_ allow people looking at him once he´d labeled them unworthy. Unless of course, it was a look of adoration and awe. He _was_ perfect, after all. But he didn´t quite mind with this boy.

Draco told the boy that his parents had left him here while they where down the street looking at books and wands for him and that he would drag them to look at racing brooms later which he totally thought should be allowed for first years. Well, at least for him.

"Have you got your own broom?" Draco asked suddenly, fearing for a moment that the boy had a better broom than him. He didn´t know if he could live with that.

"No." Draco sighed in relief.

"Play Quidditch at all?" The boy shook his head and look down at his feet.

"No." He repeated, and started chewing on his bottom lip.

Hm, not much for talking, is he? Draco stated absently as he watched the boy´s lips in fascination. Oh well, he liked having the word anyway.

"_I _do – father says it´s a crime if I´m not picked to play for my house, and I must say I agree." Draco made a quick observation on the boys face to see if he was impressed yet, but he couldn´t really tell. That made him rather frustrated. Usually people gave him jealous and adoring looks when he spoke, and he really wanted this boy to like him too. But the boy seemed to get less attentive for every word. What was with this guy? Why wouldn´t he like him? Draco huffed slightly and tore his gaze away from the boy and looked out the window where he saw a large, hairy man waving like a fool at them.

"Hah, look at that man over there! Isn´t he that weird alcoholic savage living at Hogwarts? Dad has told me about him." He sneered mockingly. Being mean to people usually worked when he was grumpy.

The boy gave him a cold look.

"His name is Hagrid, and I think he´s brilliant." Draco gaped. That was the longest sentence the boy had uttered so far, but Draco wasn´t happy with his tone of voice. Was this boy really standing up against him? Who did he think he was?

"_Do _you?" Draco snorted. "Why is he with you anyway? Where are your parents?" Draco snarled grumpily. He was sick of this boy´s attitude. No one was allowed to be rude to him! But non the less the boy replied just as coldly

"They´re dead." Draco flinched slightly, momentarily loosing track of his thoughts but only for a few seconds. "Oh, sorry" He said with a bored tone.

He probably should have said something respectful, but he was far too upset by the boy´s obvious rejection and the fact that this conversation hadn´t gone the way he wanted it too at all. And when the boy gave him another cold look he couldn´t stop himself. "But they where _our_ kind, weren´t they? I really don´t think they should let the other sort in. They´re just not the same."

Draco stuck his nose up slightly, too show that he wasn´t going to back down when suddenly Madam Malkin told the boy his robes were done. He jumped down from the stool and then he was gone. He had stepped out of the store just as suddenly as he had stepped in. Draco found himself staring at the door where the boy had left and sighed deeply. The ticklish feeling in his gut had almost faded but a slight flutter would flare to life when his brain provided him with sudden flashes of green. Draco absently hit his stomach with his fist with lazy and weak movements to get rid of the unfamiliar feeling that had bored itself within him. He felt humiliated by the obvious dislike he´d received from the boy. And humiliation was absolutely not acceptable in the Malfoy family.

The following month Draco couldn´t stop obsessing over the green-eyed boy. His mother had noticed something was odd about him, he wasn´t his usual demanding self and mostly sat in his room. He told her he was just excited about starting his first year at Hogwarts. Which was true. He wanted to go there right now so that he could see that boy again. Of course he didn´t say that to his mother. In fact, he didn´t even like saying it to himself. The feeling inside his stomach never really left, actually it got stronger every day and when the day finally came he was almost jumping up and down with excitement; at which his father would throw him a disapproving glare that immediately made him stop and he settled with playing with his fingers in a nervous manner.

Draco huffed inwardly. Merlin, was he really nervous about some stupid little boy he didn´t even know? A boy that had actually been rude to him? Get a grip! He told himself. Walk with dignity like your father - head held high and don´t forget that smirk you wear so well! Draco demanded.

His father looked pleased when he saw the improved change in his son´s posture. Though inside Draco there was chaos. For every black-haired head he passed his stomach fluttered sweepingly, not to mention whenever something particularly green caught his eye. His gut would do back-flips even though it never was what he was _actually_ looking for. The platform was crowded so he doubted he would find him there anyways, so after kissing his mother goodbye and receiving a reassuring nod from his father he entered the train.

He made sure to look in every compartment he passed, until he reached Crabbe and Goyle´s. He sighed and stepped inside. He took one look at them both before snapping his fingers at Goyle.

"Move, I want the window seat." He said simply. Goyle obeyed. Of course he did. Draco didn´t expect anything else. He looked out of the window with a bored expression as the train started to move. Maybe he should go look for the boy again? He must be on the train now, Draco thought absently, when suddenly someone burst into their compartment and started shouting about Harry Potter being on the train.

Normally the news of famous wizards being in the same place as himself would had made him jump up and go exploring right away. But his brain just wouldn´t stop thinking about that _stupid_ boy! He glanced indifferently at Crabbe and Goyle, who where sprouting with excitement and looking at him as if waiting for his approval.

Hm, well. Maybe he could go see who that Potter boy was while he was looking for the boy with the green eyes that wouldn´t stop bugging his mind. He rose slowly and carefully brushed of his clothing before he waved his hand at the two imbeciles.

"Crabbe, Goyle, let´s go see if he is worthy of his fame." They both stood and snickered happily, excitement practically bursting out their ears. Draco didn´t look much better himself. He must have looked crazy, snapping his head back and forth to make sure he didn´t miss any of the compartments.

Dammit! He thought, where is he anyway? He came to a halt. Not by his own choice, but because there was a girl and a boy in front of him blocking his way. He was about to snap at them when he heard them mentioning Harry Potter. Apparently he was in the compartment right next to them.

He huffed irritatedly.

"Move you morons, we´re gonna see that Potter." Draco snapped.

They both moved out of the way, though the girl with the bushy hair and big teeth looked at him with a cold expression which Draco by some reason ignored. He opened the door, to get the whole Potter-thing over with so he could go look for... Wait. Who is that?

The back of a familiar messy, black head was blocking his view. Draco had stopped dead in the doorway and stared at the head for a second or two before he snapped out if it and was just about to introduce himself when the head turned to look over his shoulder.

Two bright green eyes appeared behind a pair of, round, worn out glasses.

Draco´s heart made a shocking jolt that made it feel as if though his heart was about to jump out of his chest, and that soon, whatever was fluttering like crazy in his stomach would make his entire belly explode.

Draco stood there gaping at the boy that apparently was _Harry Potter,_for the good part of a minute. He watched the expression that was playing on the boy´s face. A slight smile of amusement, or was it mockery? Draco suddenly found himself feeling self conscious and quickly demanded himself to get his act together to make up for his embarrassing appearance.

"So it´s true? They´re saying that Harry Potter is in this compartment, so it´s you, is it?" Draco said this as confidently as he could, trying to look respect-worthy. The boy, Potter, glanced at his two friends, Crabbe and Goyle, before answering.

"Yes." He blushed slightly at Draco´s intense staring and by some reason it made Draco´s heart skip a beat. He ignored it and noticed that the boy was looking at the two gorillas behind him again.

"Oh this is Crabbe and Goyle." He smiled confidently. "And my name´s Draco. Draco Malfoy."A suppressed cough was heard from behind the messy haired Potter boy in front of him.

Using his ever so useful one-look-judgment he knew instantly who the cougher was, and sneered.

"Think my name´s funny do you? Well, no need asking for yours, my father told me that the Weasley's have got red hair, freckles and more kids they can afford." He smirked, rather pleased with his accomplishment then turned his head back to Potter. "You´ll soon know that some wizard families are betters then other, Potter. You wouldn´t want to make friends with the wrongs sort." He tilted his chin up slightly. "I can help you there."

He held out his hand, and found that he hadn´t wanted to shake a hand so much his entire life. His fingertips was tickling with a weird stinging feeling. Like needles. But Potter didn´t take it. Only looked coldly at him.

"I think I can tell the wrong sort out for myself, thank you." Draco felt a twinge of rejection.

Did he really just say that? To him? To Malfoy? The feelings of rejection turned to anger and humiliation and a faint blush covered his usually pale cheeks. Once again he felt his mouth moving before he could stop himself.

"I would be careful if I were you Potter, unless you get a bit more polite you´ll end up like your parents. They didn´t know what was good for them either. If you hang around riffraff like Weasley and Hagrid, it´ll rub off on you." Draco ended the sentence with a sneer and told himself he didn´t care that the green eyes now were shaded with anger and dislike. He _didn´t_. And the reason why he turned around and walked back to his compartment instead of staying to pick a fight had nothing to do with it. All he knew was that he really, absolutely, unconditionally _hated_ Harry Potter.

**There we go. As you may have noticed, I took a lot of the conversation from the book. I just thoug****ht that was best for now. Well, tell me what you think! **


	2. It s all his fault

**Second year**

Getting a new broom from his father had been the greatest moment of his life. Exepct maybe for the first time he saw himself in the mirror. No, but really. This wasn´t

just some broom. It was the _best_ broom. And most importantly, it was better then Potters. Draco couldn´t wait to see the look on Potters face when Draco announced

that he would be the new seeker of his team. Draco smiled to himself as he walked up the stairs from his dorm. He remembered last year when he had challenged

Potter to go get that stupid rememberal. He should have known he would. Stupid Gryffindors. What he couldn´t have known was that Potter could actually fly. His

smile faded as he remembered the scene.

"_Why don´t you come get it then, Potter?" Draco said with a confident sneer on his face. He knew he had impressed everyone, especially Potter. Draco bet that_

buffoon didn´t expect these awesome flying skills. Hah! He bounced the ball in his hand and looked down on the boy below him that was currently mounting his

broom. Wait... What is he doing?! Is he coming over here? 

"_Give it back Malfoy!" Hm, Apparently he was. Draco hadn´t planned on that. He thought of what to do next as he watched the other boy in front of him. His hands_

held a firm grip of the handle and were just a little bit shaky. His thighs were clutching the broom in just the right way, as he had been flying his whole life. Draco felt a

sting of jealousy at that, but was soon over it as his gaze drew itself upwards to Potter´s back. It was gracefully arched in a way that just begged to be stared at.

Draco followed the line of the curve downwards until he met the curve of his bum. He stared at it not really aware of his actions as he wondered how such a thin boy

could have such a full bum. Potter suddenly shifted making the area which Draco was currently staring at flex in a most wonderful way. Wait, what? Draco snapped out

of his stare and blushed furiously.

"_Give it back, now, or I´ll knock you of your broom!" Harry suddenly screamed and Draco threw the ball away in frustration while avoiding meeting his green eyes._

"_Whatever, I don´t care! Just have it!" He snapped and hurried down to the ground as the other boy went after the ball as if life depended on it. _

Draco shook his head to get rid of the memory. His face was, just like in the memory, blushing. He didn´t know why he was blushing, he just was. He had just been so

angry when he had caught himself looking at the other boy, that he had thrown the ball in pure frustration. He felt humiliated and ashamed but he didn´t understand

_why. _It just felt like he had done something extremely wrong. And the way he had gotten all warm and weird. It was a little bit like the crazy fluttering in his gut but so

much... _more. _It wasn´t really fluttering, but something else. It was a warm feeling. And his heart had been pounding almost painfully, his whole body had. It was

weird, and he didn´t like it one bit.

He blamed Potter for it. He was always in the way making him feel weird. Draco _hated_ him. Especially now when he walked around school like he owned it just

because he and his stupid friends had defeated that moron Quirrell. Pfft. Draco snorted at the thought of Potter´s pathetic excuse for friends. A poor, pathetic,

muggle-loving Weasel and a filthy, know-it-all mud-blood. Not much to brag about, if you ask him. Draco was just as smart as that disgusting girl, he stated as he

entered the great hall that was set for breakfast and sat down next to Pansy and Blaise. It wasn´t many up at this hour. It was Saturday, after all. Usually it was

mostly Ravenclaws and Slytherins up this early. The Hufflepuffs would pop in randomly while the Gryffindors would be sleeping as long as possible. _Lazy bastards. _I

guess a long night sleep is needed for all the courageous and brave acts they have to live up to. Pfft. As if. And who needed bravery anyway? Draco thought as he

poured himself a glass of pumpkin juice. You just have to be smart enough to avoid it. He leaned over Blaise plate to get some butter when someone entered the hall.

He raised his gaze to see who it was and by the way his stomach flared to life it was pretty obvious. He watched as the three of them got to their table, laughing about

something that Weasel had just said. Draco snorted.

"OW! What are you doing!?" Draco cried as he rubbed his arm where Blaise had hit him.

"You were hanging over my plate, staring at that Potter." Blaise exclaimed, raising his hands defensively. Draco sat down and pouted.

"I wasn´t staring" He muttered and buttered his forgotten toast grumpily. Another fit of laughter was heard across the room which Draco tried, and failed to ignore. He

raised his gaze and watched as Harry ran a hand through his messy hair, as if trying to flatten it while laughing at Weasley´s attempt to shove a whole sandwich in his

mouth. Draco made a grimace of disgust and once again pondered why Potter would want to hang out with those two. Like he stated before, he was just as smart as

Granger, only that he was such a boaster about it. He gave Weasley a once-over to figure out what he had that Draco didn´t. So what, he was taller then Draco. But

who wanted to be that tall anyway? He wasn´t good looking at all. _Draco_ was. Harry suddenly placed a hand on Ron´s shoulder while bending over in laughter. Draco

on the other hand _didn´t_ laugh. He felt angry all of the sudden. Stupid Potter. Stupid _Weasley. _Draco rose from his seat and threw his almost untouched sandwich on

the table.

"I´m leaving, I can´t even eat in peace with those disgusting weirdos in the room." He said, then strode out of the room fuming with unexplained anger.

To _hell_ with that stupid Potter! Why was he always there making everything a mess!? Why did he have to laugh and be so happy when Draco wasn´t? Why did he have

to hang out with those morons?! Why was he so much better then Draco at everything? Wasn´t it enough being the famous Harry Potter?! He kicked a empty box of

chocolate frogs as he rounded the corner and followed the since long memorized path to the dungeons. Why hadn´t Potter wanted to be friends with him? He hadn´t

done anything wrong, he had just acted as he always had.

He opened the heavy door to the Slytherin common room then slammed it shut with as much force as he could muster. A couple fifth years glared angrily at him but

let him run up to his dormitory once they saw who he was. Once inside, Draco kicked of his shoes making them hit the opposite wall then sat down on his bed. He

looked around and noticed he was alone. Great. It wasn´t until he lied down that he felt something wet run down his cheeks. He raised his hand to wipe it away. He

was _not_ crying.

His nose wanted to prove him wrong and told him to sniffle. He did.

This was Potter fault. Stupid Potter. Stupid, brave, famous Potter. Always showing off his Gryffindor bravery like he was better then anyone else. Sniffle. Strutting

around school with that stupid scar like a glowing sign that says "look at me!" Which Draco always did.

Flying on his stupid broom and getting into the team even though it´s forbidden. He isn´t even that good. Sniffle. Sniffle. Actually he sucks. Draco´s much better then

him. He closed his eyes, feeling slightly better. Trashing people always work. Especially if it´s Potter that´s being trashed. A huge yawn overpowered him and soon he

had fallen asleep, dreams taking over his mind. Dreams of an enormous man with a huge dog. Fear and a dark forest. Black hair and green eyes.

"_We´re searchin´ for ey unicorn, I´ll go with Ronald, so Harry yeh´ll go with Malfoy."_

"_What?! No! I´m not going in this forest alone. With _him_." Draco made a motion with his head._

" _Should´o thought bout´that before you went wanderin´aroun´ at night." _

"_Fine, but then I take Fang!" He demanded desperately as he pulled the dogs collar to get him to follow._

"_O´right, he´s a damn´ coward anyway." The giant said matter-of-factly and disappeared into the woods. Draco snapped his head around to glare at Potter as if it was_

all his fault and noticed he had already started walking. 

"_Ey! Wait for me!" Draco sprinted after him and almost knocked the boy of his feet as he reached him. The green eyes gave him one of those glares only they could_

conjure then continued further into the forest. Draco made sure not to fall behind again and walked as close as he could next to Potter. He was far to afraid to care

about dignity or the fact that he hated the boy. He didn´t understand why they didn´t just bolt out of there. He turned his head to see if Potter was as scared as him

and gaped.

_Potter´s face was lit up by the enormous lantern he was holding in front of him making his green eyes to glow as amber or gold. The flames made his long eyelashes_

cast shadows upon his cheeks and his lips was red and shivering slightly when a particularly cold breeze hit them. Draco found himself blushing when the lips parted

and a tongue snuck out to lick the plump lips. 

"_What´s that?" The lips suddenly spoke. Draco abandoned them and turned his gaze towards the direction the boy was pointing. _

_They both got closer to investigate and concluded that it was some kind of silvery blood. Suddenly something behind them cracked and Draco yelped and grabbed hold_

of Potter´s arm with both his hands and pulled him close, looking for whatever could have made the noise, only faintly acknowledging the feeling of Potters warmth

surrounding him. But the comforting heat wasn´t enough for what he saw next, so with a cry of fear he let go of the boy and ran as fast as he could in the opposite

direction with Fang right behind him until he stumbled into Weasley, knocking him to the ground.

"_EY! Geroff me you moron!" The redhead shouted and shoved Draco to the side._

"_Malfoy? What´ yer doin´? Where´s Harry?" Hagrid said while shaking his shoulder to try and calm him down. _

"_Draco! Wha´ happen´, Draco? Draco look at me!"_

"Draco for merlins sake, wake _up_!" Draco opened his eyes and sat up rapidly, straight as a board. He snapped his head back and forth still worked up by the dream.

Though when he realized there wasn´t any immediate danger besides Pansy he calmed down and relaxed. He gave her a glare then rubbed his eyes with the ball of

his hands.

"What the hell where you dreaming about? You was moving around like crazy and mumbling about unicorn-killers with black cloaks." She laughed one of her most

annoying laughs then sat down beside him and gave him what she thought was a motherly look.

"It´s okay, it was just a dream." She purred and raised a hand to stroke his hair back. Draco flinched away from her and slapped her hand away.

"Go away, Pansy, this is the boys´s dormitories." He gave her a tired look.

"I was just going to remind you that you have Quidditch practice because I know how bad you want to show that Potter that you made the team, and that you have

better broom than him." She smirked happily before she jumped up from the bed and began walking towards the door. Thank god. But before she closed the door

behind her she said:

"Better hurry and get dressed if you wanna catch him in time." Draco sighed and threw his pillow at the door. He sat there for a while just staring at the door but soon

got tired of it.

After getting dressed and picking up his broom Draco left the dungeons to go meet up with his teammates and as they all walked towards the Quidditch pitch he

thought about his dream.

It hadn´t just been a dream. It was a memory. Draco remembered it like it was yesterday. Remembered just how dark the forest had been, how scared he was, how

Potter´s eyes had looked but the perhaps clearest memory was how it had felt being so close to the boy. Even though that hadn´t been the center of his attention at

that exact moment, the memory had been a recurring visitor in Draco´s mind. In dreams as well as in real life. Sometimes whenever Draco would be somewhat close

to Harry, in potions for example he would caught himself wanting to reach out and touch him again. To which he would blush and scold himself then blaming it all on

Harry and say something mean to him. And whenever he had dreamt of the boy´s safe warmth he had woken up cold and weirdly unsatisfied. He didn´t want to think

about the fact that he dreamt of Harry in such ways. If he had dreamt about beating him in Quidditch or at least getting him in detention it would have been fine. But

this. This just _wasn´t_ right.

Those words haunted Draco through all of second year. It led to countless fights, hours of self-loathing, gallons of ashamed tears and a constant confusion resting

withing him. He didn´t know what was wrong with him and to be honest he wasn´t even sure if he wanted to know the answer.

**Rewiev! :) Let me know what was good and what was bad and if you liked it or not ^^,**


	3. Dreams

**Here´s chapter 3! :D Hope you enjoy! :)**

* * *

**Third year**

The dreams had started out innocently. At first it was the usual dream about the forest where he and Potter walked next to each other Draco just feeling his safe warmth surrounding him as he observed the boy´s face in silence. Then the dreams slowly got more intensive. The colors got brighter and more alive, the feeling of Potter warmth grew stronger and soon they weren´t just walking next to each other, but _close_ to each other. The purpose of the dream changed from finding a unicorn to just walking close together.

Then the touching began. It grew from accidental bumps of fingers to Potter grabbing hold of his hand, soothingly stroking his thumb over it. Every night Potters hands got bolder and bolder, and soon he wasn´t just watching Draco´s face, but exploring it with his hands. Stroking his fingers across Draco´s cheek, pushing his hair back and touching his lips. Then came summer brake and that´s when the kiss happened. That´s how it all started.

_Draco was walking in the forest as usual, feeling Potters hands grazing over different parts of his body as he proceeded further into the woods. Something was different though, Draco acknowledged absently as Potter´s fingers brushed over his - hand. Yes... It felt like he was searching for something. But he didn´t know what. - Forehead. Maybe Potter knows? He turned to look at him... ? He only smiled. - Cheek. He really has a pretty smile. Draco stated swiftly before he focused on his search again. - Arm. Maybe it´s something he forgot at Hogwarts? - Hair. Hmm, that feels good. Draco affirmed with a satisfied sigh. Must be getting close then. - Neck. It must be here somewhere. -Lips. _

"_What´s that?!" Draco snapped his head to where Potter was pointing. _

"_Where?" He asked when he didn´t see anything. Potter giggled and tackled him to the ground and straddled him._

"_Found what you were looking for?" Potter whispered into his ear._

"_I-I don´t know." Draco shivered as Potter´s breath hit his ear. _

"_You forgot something." His lips where so close to his ear now that they brushed against it for every word. "And I found it." His lips withdrew themselves from his ear so that Potter could look him in the eyes. So green. So beautiful. Draco´s eyes drew themselves to the long lashes. They fluttered slightly. He raised his finger and felt the lashes tickle his fingertips._

"_Do you want it?" The green eyes sparkled with anticipation . _

_Did he? He didn´t know. He felt cold all of the sudden and started to shiver. "I´m scared." Draco admitted. The green eyes turned soft._

"_It´s okay, I´m here. You´re safe. Don´t be scared. Don´t you want what you are looking for?"_

_A hand was petting the blonde hair as he was talking. It felt so good. "Don´t stop." He murmured. _

"_You want it?" Potter asked again, his breath brushing Draco´s lips. "I can give it to you, Draco." Draco felt his breath hitch and started to breathe shallowly as Potter lowered his head closer and closer until the point where their lips met. Oh merlin._

* * *

"_oh!" _

"Godmorning sweetie, don´t mind me, I´m just looking for my pearl necklace, that damn elf keeps hiding it from me and I really need it because..." Draco jerked up in a sitting position at his mothers voice, suddenly wide awake.

"MOM! What are your doing here, this is MY room! GET OUT!" Draco yelled hysterically from his bed, fearing for his life his mother would come any closer. Though that was highly unlikely, seeing as his mothers head was currently buried in one of Draco´s drawers.

"Calm down Draco, I´m just looking for my necklace, I can´t accio it because I put a spell so that no one could call for it and steal it. But I´ll be out in a sec, why don´t you get dressed so you can help me look?" She suggested, completely unaware of the situation that had occurred yet again. The rather sticky kind of situation.

"Moooooooooooom." He cried, cursing his mothers ridiculous timing before finalizing his wailing with a mix between a moan and a growl.

"Oh, found it!" She sang in triumph then turned around to look reproachfully at him.

"Why aren´t you dressed?" Draco could have laughed at his mothers inability to sense when she wasn´t wanted, but he yelled instead.

"Fantastic! NOW GET OUT!" He pointed at the door in case his mother was too thick to understand where the door was located, while glaring angrily at her.

She did go in the pointed direction, but only after giving him a knowing smile and uttering the only words that would make him possibly angrier then he already was.

"My little teenager, being all angry and hormonal." She swung around and stepped out of Draco´s room with a motherly laugh and missed a hit by Draco´s pillow by a split second.

Okay, sure, he had been feeling slightly more irritated than usual these last couple of months, but that doesn´t give her the right to _say_ it. And could anyone really blame him for being frustrated all the time? His mother was _so _annoying with her rules and all the sudden visits in his room. Not to mention when she tells him what to wear and what not to wear. That made him wanna wear them even more.

But his mood wasn´t his biggest change, and absolutely not his biggest concern.

He looked down towards his crotch and sighed deeply before reaching for his wand on the nightstand.

"Scrounify!" He muttered for what felt like the hundredth time that week. He had pretty much perfected that spell but unfortunately that was the only good thing about it.

He stretched lazily and padded into the bathroom where he started to undress.

After folding his clothes in a neat pile he eyed himself in the mirror and was met by a bitter expression. He raised his hand to his face and stroke his thumb between his eyebrows to smooth the wrinkles that seemed to be engraved there.

Wrinkles didn´t suit him he acknowledged absently as he stepped in the shower. His skin had become really dry because of all the showers he took, but he didn´t care. He felt so dirty and disgusting and a mere spell wasn´t enough to take it away. Well, it _was_ enough to get cleaned up. It was as good as any shower actually, if you looked at it that way. The showers was more of an obsession or a compulsion. But to his own defense, he wasn´t as frantic now as he had been when it first started.

That first week had been horrible. Not to mention the first day it happened.

He had practically bolted towards the bathroom where he jerked all his clothes off and threw them to the other side of the room. Then he stood there on the bathroom floor, split naked, sobbing jerkily in huge shocks. He had been forced to bend over to be able to breath and when he finally had collected himself enough to do so, there was claw marks all over his thighs as he had tried to claw the creeping feeling out of his skin. Then he threw himself in the shower, standing under the scolding water as he compulsively scrubbed his body with his mothers body scrub til the point where he started to bleed.

Draco shook his head to get rid of the images. He didn´t want to think of himself in that way. He was so ashamed of what he did. How could he let himself sink that low? Only weak people with no pride would do that sort of things to themselves. But he was pleased to say he only went that far that one time. That first time when he had woken up from that dream. It wasn´t the dream in itself that had driven him to do it, but the fact that he had _liked_ it. He had _wanted_ it. And he couldn´t even deny it. Everything from his racing heart to his sticky pants was proof that he had liked the dream.

Draco blushed as he remembered. It had felt so real. Everything. The color of his eyes, the sound of his voice, the feeling of his touch, and the kiss. After that dream, that kiss, all the barriers was torn down. He couldn´t sweep his dreams under the carpet saying they where harmless and didn´t have anything to do with him. He couldn´t deny that he like the green gaze watching him. Or that he liked that black, messy hair. He _had_ tried to deny it, those first weeks but now, when summer-brake soon would be over and he was going back to school in a few days, he had accepted it. Potter was beautiful.

He blushed again. He still didn´t like admitting it to himself. But he looked at it as a mere observation. So what, boys could be beautiful too, right? No biggie. Thinking boys was pretty didn´t mean he was any different. It didn´t! He thought defensively to himself as he tried to force the burning blush away from his cheeks. It wasn´t easy convincing himself it wasn´t anything wrong and embarrassing about his feelings when that damn blush kept coming back. Actually he liked it best when he didn´t think about it at all. He didn´t want to dig any deeper in _why_ he was having wet dreams of _Potter or_ _what_ that made him. He preferred to stay blissfully unaware on those apartments until they decided to solve themselves.

* * *

"Do you want it?"

* * *

Potter had grown over the summer. His otherwise skinny body looked even skinnier as it had been stretched out a few inches. His hair was longer too. His head was a explosion of raven-black hair, that was messier then ever before. The hands that Draco had been dreaming about all summer was slightly bigger too, he noticed as one of them tangled itself in the messy hair in a familiar motion. The other one was stretched out in the sky, holding his wand as he levitated a piece of punkin pie in the air.

"Don´t you want it?"

"Harry, Stop it! Give it to me!" Weasley whined as he tried to reach it by jumping up and down. But despite his freaky length he wasn´t able to. Potters face cracked up in a beautiful grin, making his spectacle covered eyes sparkle in a mischievous way. Granger joined in in his laughing, completely destroying the harmony of it all.

"Haha, No don´t stop, Harry!"

He didn´t. The pie piece made a spin in the air then started bouncing up and down right above Weasleys head. "Waaant it?" Dip. "How _much_ do you want it?" Dip. "Want me to give it to you?" Dip. "Take it then, I know you want it." Dip. Dip. Dip. "Don´t you want it?" Dip.

"_Don´t you want what you are looking for?" _

"FOR MERLINS SAKE, POTTER. JUST GIVE IT TO HIM AND SHUT UP!" The pie dropped to the ground with a soft _thump_ but no one gave it any attention. Every student that was within a hundredth feet turned their head to look at him.

Draco that had already been blushing before the outburst got even redder. He suddenly felt incredibly self conscious. He snapped his head to Potter in an attempt to glare at him to redeem some of his pride but failed miserably as the what was meant to be a superior expression turned into something that resembled the expression of a goldfish. A open mouthed, gaping, brain-dead goldfish.

_How_ did he do that!?

Draco spun around with a flustered sound and retreated the lake side with long strides staring purposely at the ground to avoid everyone´s gazes. His shoulders seemed to be elevating at every step and by the time he had reached the castle they was almost up to his ears which was flaming red like the rest of his face and neck. _How_ did a person look that beautiful? Seriously! And the sun just _had_ to shine right at him at that moment, making his green eyes spark with fire and the wind apparently felt the need to mock him even further by making Potter´s hair dance and swirl beautifully. And not to mention that expression, he couldn´t really place it. A hint of amusement, a tad of surprise and... what else?

Draco shook his head and made a frustrated sound. His face still felt hot so he rubbed it jerkily with his hands to make the blush go away. Then he sunk down against the wall and leaned his head back with a exasperated sigh. _When was this going to end?_

–

"What was up with that?" Ron said, quirking his eyebrow at Malfoy´s retreating form.

Hermione made an indifferent noise and shrugged uninterestedly before she went back to the Potions essay she had been working on before Harry had started bouncing the piece of Pie in the air.

Harry however kept watching Malfoy as he strode determinedly towards the castle. He must have grown over the summer. His legs are longer. Harry stated absently as he shifted his head to the side, fascinatingly studying the blush that was spreading over Malfoy´s entire being.

"He looks like a lobster." He finally stated, setting words to his observation with a slight chuckle.

"I´ve never seen him blush like that before. " He admitted incredulously, with a amused smile on his lips and with his eyes still transfixed on the back of Malfoy´s neck.

"Oi! Snap out of it!" Ron waved his large hand in front of Harry´s face, making him drop the fascinated stare.

Harry shook his head and turned to Ron´s questioning eyes.

"What?!" He exclaimed pointing towards the castle.

"Didn´t you see him? He totally looked like a lobster! And he never looks like a lobster! He never freaking blushes." Harry ranted defensively.

Ron just shook his head and gave him a sad smile.

"Sometimes I think you get a little too obsessed with Malfoy, Harry. You might want to get that looked up." He said then closed his eyes and nodded knowingly.

"Shut up." Harry muttered and punched him playfully on the arm.

Ron´s face cracked up in a grin as he opened his eyes.

"What, you know it´s true, mate, no need for violence!." Ron said, rubbing his arm as he bumped his shoulder against Harry´s making him loose his balance and fall to the ground in a laughing mess.

Ron followed suit, bumping down beside him placing his arms behind his head while laughing heatedly making Hermione scuff irritably. Ron shifted his head so that he was looking upside down at Hermione that was sitting behind him, with her nose buried in a book. He reached one of his arms out towards her, nudging her on her knee with his finger.

"Mione, stop studying for three seconds and loosen up. You´re no fun."

Harry chuckled slightly as he watched them fondly while they yet again started arguing, everything being a mix of teasing nudges from Ron to irritated comments from Hermione. He felt happy. Maybe this year would be a calm one. A year where he hopefully wouldn´t have to fight Voldermort or constantly having to fight with Malfoy. He actually didn´t hate Malfoy as much as one would think. Because even though he could be an complete asshole sometimes, he had his moments where he turned out to be quite manageable and in the end – quite amusing. Harry didn´t by any means want to initiate a friendship with him – but mainly just co-exist with him so that he could enjoy school fully by relishing in the tranquility of a peaceful truce.

–

"Okay, my dear friends. I thought that we might start this year with a nice little co – operative project. I will pair you up in two and two. And there are no swapping allowed! My choice is destiny and shall therefore remain unchanged." Mrs Trelawney sang in a mysterious voice and she sweeped back and forth across the floor in front of the class.

Harry tried to hold back a yawn as the loony teacher walked pass him, and nudged Ron in the side as he noticed he had fallen asleep.

"Through this following month you shall keep a dream journal. In which you write down your dreams. Then, you will discuss your dreams _with your partner. _This is very important as we need two heads to try and work out the mystery that is our subconscious. In order to ease the process of the dream interpretation you will _together _study the stars in the end of each week"

Ron started snoring lightly but load enough to make Trelawney to turn her head towards him and give the redhead an confused look. Harry kicked him under the table, making him jump up in his seat screaming "Spiders!" Then seemed to realize he was in an classroom and turned anxiously towards the teacher but to his surprise she looked delighted.

"Yes! Look here, this boy has already started with his assignment, very good. I assume you are not very fond of spiders? Yes, well, let´s pair you up then!"

She turned to the other end of the class, beginning to randomly pair the students together, mixing Slytherins with Gryffindors. Ron visibly relaxed as the attention wasn´t on him anymore and then snapped his head to Harry and grinned widely. Harry mirrored his actions and soon they were quivering in order to restrain themselves from laughing. But Harry´s smile immediately faded once Trelawney´s words reached him.

"Aaaand Potter, you´ll be with … Malfoy."

Harry snapped his head back, looking behind him where Malfoy was seated with his two friends, Blaise and Pansy. His face was crunched up in a odd expression. Somewhere between surprise and embarrassment. Granted, Harry didn´t particularly want to share his dreams with him either.

The grey eyes raised their gaze and met Harry´s. He didn´t look angry or mocking but was watching Harry with wide eyes, as if awaiting his next move.

Harry snapped around again, facing forward with an flustered sound.

"Professor, sorry, but wouldn´t it be easier for me to just work with Ron?" Harry said awkwardly as he self copiously rubbed the back of his neck, feeling Malfoy´s gaze boring itself there. But Trelawney was obviously not aware of the known discomfort and schoolyard rivalry between the two boys and didn´t budge. "No, Mr Potter. I´m sorry, but faith has spoken." She said in a knowing tone.

Harry sighed. Some faith. Was destiny really out to get him?

Don´t get him wrong, he said that he didn´t want to fight with Malfoy anymore. But that was barely doable with them both being apart, ignoring each other. And with them both being forced to work together... Well, let´s just say that was destined to end badly.

"Sit down with you new-found partners please!"

Half the class rose from their seats. Harry turned once again in his seat, seeing if Malfoy made any effort to move, and found him still glued to his chair with his arms crossed and face turn the other way.

"Good luck mate" Ron said, clapping him on the shoulder with a sad smile.

Harry returned it but it faltered as he started lumbering to the grumpy blonde a few seats away. He took a deep breath to compose himself, and when he finally settled down beside Malfoy, he released it and forced himself to smile and be positive.

"So... How do you wanna do this?" He said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

Malfoy jolted in his seat, surprised by the sudden speaking and snapped his head to Harry.

"Gee Potter, could you be any less subtle. " He snapped as his grey eyes followed the movement of Harry´s hand, that was still rubbing his neck. He frowned slightly before he turned his head away again, looking the other direction.

"And would you stop that, it looks like you have fleas."

Harry immediately stopped rubbing his neck, suddenly feeling self-conscious. He hadn´t even been aware he was doing it. It was just something he did when he was uncomfortable. "Sorry." He muttered but almost reached his hand up again when the blonde turned to look at him but managed to smooth out the movement by brushing his fingers through his hair. He laughed nervously and silently demanded himself to say something but ended up flicking his thumbnail against his teeth instead. Malfoy´s eyes widened and he made a flustered sound, once again turning away from Harry.

"Gross." He managed to choke out but didn´t sound nearly as jeering as he usually did when insulting Harry.

Harry watched in confusion as the blonde determinedly studied his own nails. Then he shook his head, determined not to get bad grades because of Malfoy´s bad attitude.

"Sure, but really, we need to make up some kind of schedule of how to do this. It´s not like we can go to each others common-rooms, and I rather not discuss my dreams in the library either." He took a deep breath, glancing at Malfoy, who was still paying close attention to his nails.

"Eh, yeah, so I thought maybe we could find a empty classroom or something. Or maybe, seeing as it´s still pretty warm out, we could sit by the lake... Or the astronomy tower. Well, we have to go there once a week anyway, seeing as we are studying the stars and all." He rambled, casting occasional glances at Malfoy getting more irritated by the minute, seeing as he didn´t seem to be listening.

" Hmm. And I don´t know about you, but I have quidditch-practice at Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 7pm. So... We could meet up before that, like at 5 pm or something. And on the weekends we could just meet up around...Seriously, are you even listening? Hey! Could you at least _look_ at me while I´m talking?!" Harry reached his hands out and turned Malfoy´s head around by placing two fingers at the end of his jaw line, right under his ear, forcing the blonde to face him.

"WHAT THE HELL!? DON`T TOUCH ME!" Malfoy screamed, as he jerked away from Harry´s hand, jumping up from his seat and glaring at Harry with a almost terrified look. Harry huffed, also rising from his seat.

"WELL _MAYBE_ YOU SHOULD LISTEN WHEN I`M..." Harry roared, but was interrupted by Trelawney , urgently clapping her hands together.

"Ooooh, I think we´ve had enough for today, class, you may go!" She said, laughing nervously, tripping on her own scarfs in the urge to get away from the screaming boys.

Harry gave Malfoy a last withering glare, before he spun around, grabbing his bag, and stomped out the classroom mentally cursing the universe for ruining his chances for a quite year.

Left in the suddenly empty room stood Malfoy, weakly leaning against the desk, staring at the door with a painfully pounding heart, lightly touching the area which had been visited by Harry just seconds ago. Then he let his hand reach up for his neatly combed hair, tugging harshly at it as he kicked the chair in front of him making it fly across the room.

"AAARGHnngh" He screamed, but ended up choking for air as angry tears rushed down his cheeks.

–

**Ohhh~ Tensioooon :3 Do you think the boys will manage a whole month of this? Tell me what you think of it! :D Rewiev! **


	4. Truth

**Changing the rating for this chapter! I don´t know if it´s necessary, but you can never be too sure right? :P**

**Well, anyways – here you go , another chapter. :D**

* * *

**Third year, Part two.**

The irony of it all was the thing that bothered him the most.

He could live with the fact that he was paired with Potter for an assignment.

But that the assignment was _discussing your dreams_ was just to much of an convenience. It was like the universe was testing his ability. _For how long can Draco hide his dirty secret?_

Good thing Potter was the most oblivious person alive. Plus, he´s a Gryffindor. They believe in honesty and are terrible liars. He´ll never notice if Draco lies about his dreams.

Draco sighed contentedly and leaned back in the Slytherin armchair. It´ll work out. He wouldn´t let this get to him. That´s why he was pretending that yesterday never happened. He hadn´t stood alone in the classroom, crying angrily at how he had completely ruined everything. Because there was nothing to ruin.

He would just pretend that there was nothing wrong. He would go talk to Potter today, maybe after potions, and decide time and place for the following month. And he would ignore the tingle in his stomach and pounding in his heart when he saw the green eyes and messy hair. He would stuff everything in a little box, then close it, then bury it deep, deep down, pretending it was never there. That he _didn´t_ have weird dreams about Potter. And that he hadn´t cried himself to sleep countless times during the summer-brake. Because Potter was just a silly boy. Nothing else.

Draco nodded to himself, as if to finalize his thoughts. Then rose from the squishy chair, grabbing his bag before making his way to the potions classroom making sure to look as dignified and superior as possible, wearing his ever-so-useful smirk.

* * *

"Potter!"

Draco snapped his his fingers as he called out to the boy that was sitting two rows ahead of him.

The messy bundle of hair whirled as the boy spun his head around, looking at Draco with a bitter frown but didn´t, to Draco´s surprise, snap back at him but merely watched him indifferently. But when Draco didn´t say anything else, as he had momentarily lost his track, he rose his eyebrows in a questioning expression. _What_? He mouthed when Snape suddenly strode inside the classroom, swishing his wand to close the door.

Draco blinked a couple of times as he snapped back to life, making sure to resurrect his smirk before he spoke.

"We need to talk, stick around after class." Draco said, trying to sound confident. Harry nodded once.

"Mr. Potter, if you are done staring at Mr. Malfoy I would suggest you turn you head forward and pay attention. 10 points from Gryffindor!" Snape drawled jeeringly.

Harry gave Draco a killing glare before turning around, to which Draco could only smile. He still had it in him. Making Potter loose house points was one of his specialties. He would make this month fly by effortlessly .Deal.

* * *

"What do you want?" Harry crossed his arms and leaned his side against the wall, looking cautiously at Draco.

"No need to sound so gruff Potter, I come in peace." Harry rolled his eyes at him and sweeped a hand through his messy hair. Draco swallowed, falling silent as he followed the hand´s movements and didn´t speak again until Harry let it fall to his side again.

"Look, I don´t like you, and you don´t like me. That´s fine, but we have been forced into a bad situation and I suggest we make the best of it. Because I´m not willing to let some school rivalry stand in the way of my perfect grades." Draco said, straining his every muscle to keep looking Potter in the eyes. Because they _didn´t_ make him wanna roll around on the floor twitching in a fluttering mess.

"Wow, why didn´t _I_ think of that?" Harry said, his voice draped with heavy sarcasm.

"Couldn´t you have gotten that epiphany yesterday? I was in full truce mode, you where the one that chose to be an ignorant prat." Harry continued, raising his chin slightly.

"Well... Who´s being a prat now!? I told you I was sorry, what more do you want from me?!" Draco exclaimed, raising his arms in frustration. Harry let out a disbelieving snort and raised his eyebrows.

"No, you _didn´t_. Seriously how self absorbed can you get?!" He said, his voice getting higher at the irritated tone as he looked at Draco in utter incredulity.

"Well, I am now! SORRY. There. Happy!?" Draco said, crossing his arms.

"Yeah, actually I am!"

"Great!"

"Good!"

…

"Tomorrow at five in the astronomy tower, then?"

"Whatever."

Harry gave him another murdering glare.

"Sure, _FINE_!"

"FINE!

They both turned and marched away in opposite directions. Harry to the stairs, and Draco to the Slytherin dorm. Both letting out deep sighs, mentally cursing each other in their minds.

* * *

"_Dracoo..."_

"_Go away! You can´t be here!" The grey eyes squinted, trying to force Potter out of the dream. Pretending he wasn´t there. _

"_Oh... You know you want me hear, Draco." Harry purred, slowly getting closer._

_Draco furiously shook his head, keeping his eyes firmly closed. _

"_You know you want me, Draco." Harry´s hands reached it´s target, gracing his fingers along Draco´s spine making the boy shiver._

"_Nggh, No. No. No." Draco whined but didn´t jerk away from the touch._

"_Yes. ." Harry hissed, much in the resemblance of a snake, as he made a path along Draco´s jawline with his tongue. The blonde let out a shaky moan, his eyes fluttering open. The green eyes locked their gazes as they made it´s way downwards. Harry giving Draco´s suddenly bare chest close attention by brushing his lips across it, never loosing eye contact. His wicked smile was weirdly uncharacteristic but somehow it made Draco grow significantly harder in his pants. _

_Harry chuckled as he moved further an further down,his breath circling around Draco´s bellybutton._

"_Ohh, um, you-you shouldn´t. Nggh, Don´t do that." Draco croaked between clenched teeth when Harry traced his tongue back and forth right above the waistband of Draco´s trousers._

_Potter didn´t listen to him, but continued following his path, apparently determined to make Draco into a puddle on the floor. _

"_Shhh." Harry whispered against his skin, then brushing his hands up Draco´s legs._

"_I´ve always loved your legs, Draco." He hissed, smiling wickedly as the hands crossed Draco´s thighs, placing them on the slim hips. _

"_Too much clothes on." He murmured against Draco´s hipbone. _

_Draco whimpered as Potter´s fingers followed the band of his trousers, stopping when reaching the button of the pants. _

_He slowly undid it then moving to the zipper, which he deliberately made sure to brush against the growing bulge underneath it._

"_Oooh, shit, wh-what are y-you doing, Potter?!" Draco stuttered in distress as he felt the boy pull his pants down. _

"_I´m giving you something worth mentioning in your dream journal." He answered, moving his hands back up to Draco´s boxer-clad crotch, rubbing against it while giving fluttering kisses along the inside of his thighs. _

_Draco moaned loudly at the touch, completely giving in to the handling, to content to keep fighting it. _

"_I do-doubt I would risk-k my reputa-tation for a mere crotch-rub, though." He said between jerky moans. _

_The hand motion stopped, Harry giving him a mischievous look._

"_I guess I´ll just have to try harder then." He said in a threateningly low voice as he now pulled down the boxers too, leaving Draco completely naked in front of him. _

_Draco watched as the boy below him hovered right in front of his twitching hard-on, his breath ghosting over it as he chuckled gruffly. _

"_Is this worth your while?" _

_Draco could only whimper lamely, not capable of forming any words, wanting nothing more then to thrust forward. _

"_Not enough is it? Want more?"_

_His lips grew closer and closer and soon he was so close that a single movement of his mouth and his lips would brush against Draco´s needing erection. Draco waited for it. Waited for him to say something so that he could feel those soft lips against him. But Harry was not very merciful, deliberately driving him to the point of insanity before he spoke._

"_Draco wake up."_

* * *

"OH, _fuck!" _

"Seriously Draco, you _need_ to stop moaning, I can´t fucking concentrate on my morning wank for merlins sake."

Draco´s head snapped around, now fully awake, blushing furiously as he met Blaise´s irritated gaze on the opposite side of the room. Then his eyes lowered, noticing the boy´s hand being hidden under the covers, though thankfully not moving. Draco made a grimace of disgust, tiredly rubbing his face with his hands groaning in frustration.

"Urgh, too much information, Zabini. I´ve told you not to do that shit when I´m still in the room."

Blaise rolled his eyes and withdrew the hand from under the covers.

"Hypocrite, you were the one moaning like a freaking girl, practically rubbing your sex dreams in my face. I´m only rubbing back. An eye for an eye, you know. It´s only fair I disturb your happy time if you disturb mine." The dark boy made an indifferent motion with his hands in the direction of the bathroom.

"Now, would you go take your compulsive morning shower so I can continue?" He gave Draco a fake smile – his lips pressed together and his eyes blinking sweetly at him.

"Whatever." Draco sighed, getting up from the bed, waddling towards the bathroom, but only after mumbling a quick cleaning spell.

Once he reached the door, he stepped inside, but in the doorway, he turned around, facing Blaise, giving him a just as sweet smile as if saying – _Happy?_

Zabini waved exaggeratedly at him answering Draco in a overly cheery voice.

"Thank you sweet heart, take your time!"

Draco closed the door behind him, locking it while muttering under his breath.

"Prat."

He stepped inside the shower, standing under the hot water, just letting it wash off all the guilt and shame he was feeling. Atleast enough for it not to be viable in his behavior later.

His showers gave him time to think about his dreams. Because he always demanded himself not to think of them elsewhere.

He was annoyed. _Very _annoyed. This assignment had messed up his head and now his dreams was getting... Bolder.

Draco blushed as he rubbed shampoo into his hair.

He had never dreamt of Potter touching him like _that_ before. There had never been anything below the waistline. But now...

"Urgh, what the hell." Draco suddenly exclaimed as he suddenly snapped out of his own thoughts, not knowing for how long he had been picturing the hands of Potter rubbing against him, but was now irritably aware of that he was – seeing as he was growing hard again.

"_Down."_ He muttered, looking downwards.

He would just ignore it until it settled. Because even though he couldn´t control his dreams, he could control himself in his waken sate. He never allowed himself to wank off when he had been growing hard because of the dreams.

Which, Draco admitted bitterly, was pretty much _every time_. So that, in comparison to the slug currently lying in his bed wanking, left Draco very chaste. For a teenage boy that is. But he didn´t really need to jerk himself off, seeing as he pretty much came by himself in his sleep every other morning anyway.

"Draco, I´m done, you can come out now, otherwise you´ll look like a raisin... And I really need to take a leak... No, actually, wait... Yeah, that was a lie, what I meant to say was that I really need to take a shit." Blaise urged, banging on the door.

Draco rolled his eyes at the crude boy, but stepped out the shower non the less, wrapping a towel around his hips, unlocking the door and stepping out.

"Could you at least _act_ like you have some kind of pride left in you indecent body? Draco drawled tiredly at the boy as he made his way to his trunk, looking for a clean pair of robes.

"I don´t really see the point in hiding who I am." Blaise said, grinning jeeringly at him then urgently closed the door behind him, apparently running towards the toilet.

"Well, that´ll make you the only one." Draco muttered as he looked himself in the mirror, brushing of his clothing and then rubbing his temples with his fingers.

This day wouldn´t be pleasant.

* * *

Draco frowned as he followed Potter up the stairs to the astronomy tower, forcefully rubbing his temples, unsuccessfully trying to get rid of the lingering headache that had haunted him all day and in the same time forcing himself not to look up, seeing as the chance of him meeting the perfectly shaped ass of Harry Potter was about a 99% certainty if he where to look up. When they finally reach the top of the stairs, Draco immediately whined.

"I have a headache, do we really have to do this now?"

Harry rolled his eyes.

"Yes we do, you´ll have to suck it up"

Draco snapped his neck so fast it creaked loudly.

"_What?!" _

Harry frowned at him, giving him a tired look.

"I said you have to suck it up. And I don´t mean to be hard on you, but you´re seriously a pain in the ass."

Draco just stared at him. Gaping slightly. Harry stared back, though with a slightly more confused expression, rubbing his neck awkwardly.

"What?!" Harry exclaimed when Draco didn´t move, but stayed gaping at him.

Draco shook his head then, looking away quickly, cursing himself for being so damn weak-minded. He took a deep breath and collected himself, making sure every bad thought was out of his system before he spoke.

"Nothing, your face just looks weird." Draco said as he flashed Harry his wickedest smirk. Then started a glaring contest with Harry which he lost. Given the fact that he couldn´t keep his mind in check when those eyes were so piercingly green.

He turned away, and payed close attention to his own nails. Mentally telling himself to get a grip. Don´t think about it. Don´t. Think. About. It.

"So... Are we doing it or what?"

"SERIOUSLY!? How the fuck – I can´t even... - " Draco sighed and buried his face in his hand, pinching the bride of his nose as he closed his eyes tiredly. Then taking another deep breath.

"Yes. Yes we are. Just... Just freaking tell me your dreams and be done with it."

Harry gave him another frown – looking at him oddly but seemed to come of it as he shook his head slightly, reaching for his bag.

Draco watched as Harry brought out an old, shabby-looking notebook, flipping through the pages, looking for the start of his dream journal. Draco couldn´t help but peek at the words and numbers that were written.

"What the fuck is drills?" Draco suddenly asked before he could stop himself, looking sceptically at the notebook.

Harry found the page he had been looking for and folded the notebook, placing it in his lap.

"It´s a muggle tool you use to make holes." Harry said, ignoring the disgusted look on Draco´s face at the mention of "muggles".

"And _why_ have you written about drills in your notebook. And why is it so... Gross?" He asked in a mocking tone, making a grimace of disdain at the ugly material.

Harry sighed and looked unwilling to answer, but seemed to force himself to do so anyway.

"It was my uncle´s. He works at a drill factory. He didn´t want to buy a new notebook for me, so he gave me his old one saying I was too incapable of writing anyway. No need to waste money." He blushed and stubbornly looked away.

Draco watched him, flabbergasted at the little piece of information from Harry´s life outside of Hogwarts, feeling a spark of anger flare to life in his chest at the incompetent muggle which Harry spoke of.

"Muggle´s are disgusting, you shouldn´t let them get to you." Draco said, before he could stop himself.

Harry raised his eyebrows and looked surprised at Draco.

"Gee, Malfoy was that an encouragement? I´m happily surprised" He said, smiling a little.

"Just don´t let it go over your head, Potter." Draco retorted, giving in to the twitching in his lips, giving Harry a crooked smile. They looked at eachother for a moment, taking in the weird feeling of having a conversation without screaming at eachother. Then Harry chuckled slightly, looking down at his notebook.

"I wont." He said. "So... Dreams... Ehm." He glanced at Draco, looking hesitant.

"I have weird dreams. You can´t laugh." He said. Pointing at Draco.

"Oh, Potter don´t tell me you´re having wet dreams about Weasley." He smirked.

Potter laughed. Leaning back against the wall clutching his stomach.

Draco eyed him suspiciously, feeling suddenly angry.

"You arn´t are you?!" He bursted.

Harry continued laughing, though it settled enough for him to shake his head.

"No, I havn´t. But If I did, I promise I will spare you the details."

Draco visibly relaxed.

"Thanks, I appreciate it." He also leaned against the wall.

"And in that case, I doubt there is anything that is weird enough for me to hear."

"Haha, okay then. Well... This night, eh." Harry, leaned closer to his notes, brushing his hands over the words. Draco watched his hesitation, and felt the urge to place a hand on his shoulder.

"Just go for it" He said. "I won´t laugh."

Harry scratched his neck again, in a now familiar motion.

"Okay, It´s a little blurry, but I remember sitting on the sidewalk, in the night, and... I heard a growl, like from a dog. I look up. And I see two glowing eyes in the bushes on the other side of the street. Ehm. And I go to see what it is, but When I reach it, there lies a man, smiling. And It feels like I have seen the man before. Cause I recognize that smile. But I _can´t_ place where I´ve seen it. And I just don´t know who he is." He sighed and brushed his fingers through his hair in a frustrated motion.

"And then I woke up." He raised his head, turning to Draco and jumped slightly when he noticed that the boy was watching him. And it wasn´t a mocking look. Or amused. It was almost... Gentle. Harry shivered.

"So... What do you think it means?" He asked, self consciously tugging at his own sleeves, but couldn´t make his head turn away from the grey gaze. Though when Harry spoke, Draco flinched slightly, looking away and coughing awkwardly.

"Yeah... That sure was odd. Ehm. What was it again..Umm." He muttered at the end, scratching his ear.

"Dog! Yeah Right. Dogs... and smiles. And. Yeah. Hm..." He rambled, shaking his head to get his mind clear. He reached for his dream interpenetrate book, flipping through the pages.

"Ehm.. it says here, dogs stands for... Ehm...Locality and trust . And unknown young man represent an enemy. "

"So, I have a enemy I can trust?" Harry said. Scribbling some words down in the notebook as he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Seems legit." He added, snorting slightly.

"Yeah, good thing Trewlany is such a loony. She´ll think the weirder the dream is, the better." Draco snorted to which Harry looked up at him an chuckled.

"Yeah, probably." Then the smile faltered. "And she´ll probably get off on the idea that I´ve got an enemy. She loves telling me I´m going to die a_ terrible death_." He deepend his voice at the end, trying to imitate the mysterious tone Trelawny used.

"We´re all going to die. No need dwelling in when and how. And besides – Loonies like her are like muggles – There is no need paying attention to what they are saying, it´s just rubbish anyway." Draco said, giving Harry another crooked smile.

Harry nudged him playfully on his knee with his own, sending electric shocks through Draco´s entire being, which he stubbornly ignored.

"Not all muggles are bad you know. " He said in a low voice, looking at his hands which, Draco noticed, had burn marks and scars all over them.

"Why are your hands like that?" He asked, trying not to sound as interested as he really was. And to his surprise, Harry blushed, seeming ashamed. This only made him all the more curious.

"What? You was wanking so fast it caused friction-burns or something? He teased, not wanting to be pushy, but lighten the mood. Though, even though Harry seemed to lighten up, Draco got even more uncomfortable, seeing as he started picturing the boy doing just that. He shifted slightly, trying to shut his mind off. _Why did I said that? I´m so freaking stupid_. Draco thought as he forced his blush away.

Harry chuckled again, rubbing his neck.

"No, I havn´t. I doubt that would be very pleasant. Or maybe you´ve tried?" He said, looking teasingly at him. Draco was proud to say he didn´t blush this time. But merely shrugged indifferently.

"Even if I had, I wouldn´t tell you. I wouldn´t want to fuel your wanking fantasies, Potter." He smiled wickedly, mentally wondering how the hell they ended up like this.

How the hell had he went from being completely flustered whenever Harry _unknowingly_ said a loaded word to being the one that _deliberately_ said crude things? He really had to stop, or else he would be fueling his _own_ wanking fantasies.

"Now – don´t change the subject, tell me!" Draco demanded, feeling considerably better when switching to his boss-mode.

Harry´s smile tensed as he pressed his lips together. His eyes froze, stubbornly stuck on a point right above their feet, and his eyebrows was slightly raised. Then he laughed. It was forced and loaded with discomfort.

"It´s nothing, really, I just burnt my hands while cooking and doing gardening work and such." He shrugged indifferently, trying to laugh it off like it wasn´t as big of a deal as his body language indicated.

"Why would you wanna do that stuff? Just make your house-elf do it." Draco said, grimacing at the very thought of housework.

"I live with muggles, Malfoy, they don´t have elfs to do every little thing for them." He said, his voice slightly sharper.

"No, obviously they found someone else to do their slave-work." Draco jeered.

Harry blushed and lowered his head, making his unruly hair form a curtain between them, partly hiding his face. He pressed his lips together in an even tighter smile and started rubbing his chest with the palm of his hand. "Haha, yeah." He mumbled.

Draco understood he had hit a nerve, and regretted his words. He hadn´t known that it was such a loaded subject. It was obvious Harry didn´t want to talk about it, seeing as his entire being radiated _SHAME!_ but Draco pressed on, being his insufferably nosy self.

"Pfft, lame. I don´t see how they could trust you making their food though. Obviously you can´t be very good at it." Draco said, gesturing at Potter´s hands.

"Actually, I´m pretty good. Had loads of training. Most of these are old burns. I rarely burn myself anymore." He admitted, as he started to restlessly drumming his fingers against his thighs.

"You make it sound like you´ve been cooking for years." Draco stated.

"You make it sound like that is something strange. Not everyone can be a spoiled brat like yourself." Harry snapped, his drumming getting fiercer.

"Well, I just don´t understand how someone would set a child to deal with something that was obviously too hard for it and causing it injuries." Draco retorted, knowing that if he continued pressing, they would end up fighting again, but he didn´t care. He was too curious what Potter was so keen of hiding.

"My parents wouldn´t even allow me to go _near_ the kitchen until a I started at Hogwarts, just to prevent me from getting injured." Draco continued.

Harry blushed even deeper, anger mixing in with the shame, making him look almost... Defensive.

"Again – I´m no spoiled brat. I can take care of myself. It´s just some freaking burns. Just because you are a fucking pansy and can´t even handle a fucking scratch on your perfect little body, doesn´t mean I can´t. " Harry barked, running a hand through his messy hair making it even messier.

Draco flinched at the harsh insult, his mind frozen on one particular word, but he refused to think about it, and demanded his brain to lock it away til later.

"Geesh, calm yourself, Potter. Why are you so freaking defensive? ." Draco said as calmly as he could.

"I´m not." Harry said, his body language immediately contradicting him, crossing his arms and rubbing his hand up and down one of them.

"Well, then just tell me, why you didn´t just...-"

"BECAUSE DOING THE COOKING MYSELF WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD BE SURE I GOT SOMETHING TO EAT!" Harry roared, blushing furiously.

Draco watched him in shock, gaping slightly at the information. They stayed silent, looking each other in the eyes. Harry´s gaze turning from furious to exhausted. He slumped back against the wall, fiddling with the hem of his robes.

"Sorry." He mumbled after a few minutes of silence. "I just don´t like when people ask me about them. I don´t like thinking about them when I´m here. This is Hogwarts, my sanctuary. When I´m here, I make sure to suppress any thought about them. They can´t reach me here. " Harry said. He spoke so low that Draco almost couldn´t hear him.

"I´m sorry too. I shouldn´t have pressed you into saying something you didn´t want to. But believe me or not, unlike so many times before – I actually wasn´t trying to offend you." Draco answered, leaning back against the wall too, giving Harry a small smile.

"It´s not your fault. I guess I´m not used to people being so stubbornly inquisitive." He said, weakly returning Draco´s smile.

They stayed silent a while longer, just enjoying the tranquility, watching the darkening sky in front of them.

"They seem horrible." Draco suddenly stated in a low voice but loud enough for Harry to jump slightly.

"Who?" He asked in confusion. Draco resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Geesh, he wasn´t kidding when he said he said he suppressed any though about them while at Hogwarts.

"Your muggles." He said instead, deciding it was better to be nice.

Harry fell silent again, maybe considering not to answer but seemed to decide he should. Whether or not it was Gryffindor spirit or his subconscious behavior automatically making him please the people around him Draco didn´t know, but it made him sad non the less.

"It´s not that bad. They took me in when no one else could. I should be grateful." He pressed his lips together as if his body was fighting against his mind, trying to prevent him saying anything else but failed. "And I am. I´m really grateful." He finally maintained, his voice tired as if he was saying something for the 100th time. When Draco didn´t say anything, but kept watching him sceptically, Harry turned to face him, giving him a assuring smile.

"You´re grateful for getting burnt?" Draco asked, raising a doubtful eyebrow. Harry frowned, his expression turning into a somewhat irritated one again.

"I did what I could in order to survive, better getting burnt myself then burning the food because if I did, I wouldn´t get any." He snapped. Then he seemed to get self conscious and started biting his lip. He began looking around, as if the muggles could hear him, looking ashamed.

"But that´s just common sense. If you burn food, you burn money, and it´s only natural I should go without dinner seeing as I wasn´t even meant to be there in the first place. So If I go around wasting money like that It´s only fair that I pay my debt and go without food that day."

Harry took a deep breath, pressing his lips together, his body making a rebellion against his subconscious in order to stop the self-deceiving.

Draco watched the process in incredulity. Suddenly realizing what was going on.

"Why are you _defending_ them?" Draco asked, his voice getting higher at the disbelieving tone. He couldn´t believe how a person could be so self destructive, constantly fighting against his own body in order to hide the fact that he was neglected at home.

Harry stared at him, his whole body freezing in a stiff posture, looking as if he was seconds from running away in fear.

"I´m not." He said quickly, his eyes widening in a terrified expression at what might happen next.

"Yes, you are. How can you be so stupid? How can you defend those disgusting people!? They´re nothing but scum and you don´t deserve that kind of treatment. They´re muggles and you are a wizard, have some freaking _pride_ for merlins sake!" All the time Draco was talking, Harry kept shaking his head, his lips pressed together while looking wide-eyed at Draco.

"Why are you shaking your head? You seriously believe you deserve that shit? Why the hell would you think that? WHY, Potter, TELL ME!"

"BECAUSE I`M ASHAMED!" Harry cried hoarsely, his voice trembling in repression and his eyes shining with yet unshed tears. In his outburst, he had stood up and backed away from Draco, and was now clutching his schoolbag in front of his chest, as if using it as a shield. His face was covered in a furious blush, but it was still beautiful, Draco acknowledged, but he immediately kicked the thought away. Draco was still mad at him.

He rose slowly, not wanting to scare Potter away, and they stood watching each other until suddenly, Draco calmly approached the rigid boy, stopping in front of him faintly wondering when he got so bold. He was a Slytherin for crying out loud. He placed a hand on Harry´s shoulder, letting the tingle shoot through his own body. He kept looking into the green eyes, calmly, and gradually felt the tension washing of the other boy. It wasn´t until he saw the familiar warmth flaring back to life in the green eyes that he spoke:

"You have _nothing_ to be ashamed for." He said firmly, determinedly looking into the green eyes, waiting for some kind of reassurance that the boy had understood.

Finally, Harry gave him a small nod, and Draco let go of the boy´s shoulder, withdrawing himself from him, and went to get his bag that was still lying on the floor at the other side of the room. Once he had grabbed it, he walked towards the staircase, but before leaving, he turned around towards the still unmoving Harry.

"Same time tomorrow then? We might as well skip my dreams today, I only wrote down lies anyway."

He said, then proceeded down the stairs, his heart pounding in his chest. But this time, it wasn´t a painful. It felt good, he felt alive.

* * *

**Did you like it? Did you hate it? :) Review and tell me! :D And please tell me whether or not I should continue third year, or if I should jump to forth year, giving glimpses of memories? It´s up to you :D I´m fine either way! **


	5. Extinguished light

**Hi ya´ll! Here´s another chapter for you lot! Sorry it took so damn long. Actually, I wanted to add more to this chapter, but I decided to cut it short, seeing as it took too damn long to get it done. Soooo. Get on with the reading! :D**

* * *

"I dreamt about you." Draco suddenly bursted, having trying to keep it inside himself ever since Potter walked up the stairs.

"What?" Harry looked up with his eyebrows raised.

"Yeah."

"Really?" Harry said, sounding disbelieving. Then he smirked. "Was I good?" He said, the smirk turning into a grin.

Draco let out a flustered sound as he gave Harry a mixture between baffled and offended expression, with his mouth opened and arms crossed. Then he wipped his head around, looking the other way, refusing to talk to the little bastard. Here Draco was – being brave for once, wanting to finally tell Potter about his dreams and the brat goes off blowing everything up. Well, fuck him then!

"Naaw, come on. I was only joking Malfoy. Stop being a prude!" Harry laughed.

Draco wipped his head around again, looking disbelievingly at Harry.

"I´m not a prude! I´m just not used to people being so damn crude and insensitive. But then again, what did I expect – being paired up with a _Gryffindor. I _happen to live with sophisticated and intelligent people."Draco retorted with as much dignity as he could muster. Then went back to ignoring the green eyes, turning his back on them and once again, crossing his arms.

"That sounds boring. Lucky you have me to light up your days" Harry said, looking cheerful as ever. Then his eyes sparkled mischievously as he added: "And nights it seems."

Draco only growled grumpily, still refusing to give any sort of attention to the insolent little bastard behind him. But he found it was quite hard, seeing as the messy haired boy started to poke his finger in Draco side, nudging him and begging for attention like a little puppy.

"Come ooon, Malfoy. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Teeell. Meee. I promise I wont be rude this time! Ohh, are you ticklish? Come on then, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me.

"FOR FUCKS SAKE OKAY!" Draco finally roared, jerking away from Harry´s tickling fingers.

"_Seriously." _He added with a sigh while turning to Harry with a tired and defeated look.

"Do you remember back in first year, when we had detention in the dark woods?" He bursted, wanting it done with as fast as possible.

"Yeah, I remember you running away screaming like a girl." Harry sniggered.

"Funny." Draco said in a flat voice, crossing his arms and giving him a killing glare. Stupid Potter.

"I´m sorry! Come on, tell me. I wanna know." Harry pleaded, but the act was broken, given the giggling between the words. Draco only continued glaring at him, refusing to budge.

"Come ooon, Malfoy, tell me. I promise you didn´t scream like a girl, I was only joking."

Draco snorted and gave him a skeptical look.

"Okay, you were, but if it´s any consolation, you don´t anymore." Harry continued, giving him a crooked smile.

Draco continued glaring at him.

"You havn´t even heard me scream since then, Potter." He said, rolling his eyes at the lame attempt of a lie. It´s like he said – Gryffindors are incapable of lying. They´re too obvious.

Harry placed his chin on his knees, hugging his legs and looking at Draco with an adorable pout.

"Please. Tell me, I promise I will be nice." The boy said as he placed a hand on Draco´s thigh, right above his knee while looking into Draco´s eyes with that warm expression only he had.

Draco could only stare at him, momentarily loosing the ability to speak as he looked into the green depth and feeling the light touch on his leg.

"Come on, tell me." He said, nudging Draco in the side.

"Okay! As long as you stop groping me you pervert." Draco exclaimed his lips twitching into a smile as he squirmed away from Harry´s teasing fingers.

"Sorry, can´t keep my hands off y´know. " Harry winked to which Draco rolled his eyes though inwardly melting away.

"Whatever." He sighed. "Anyway, we´re in the woods, and we´re walking around there, just kind of talking and next thing I know, we are all grown up, like 17 or something, and it occurs to me that we are friends. In the dream that is. And my dream-self caught himself thinking it felt... Nice. Y´know. To not having to fight and all." Draco mumbled and looked away, already regretting his confession.

Draco dared a quick glance at Harry and saw him watching Draco with a ghost of a smile playing on his lips while leaning his chin on his knee, still.

"You´re getting soft, Malfoy." He finally said, after what felt like hours. Draco got momentarily of track at the sudden change of atmosphere but regained his Slytherin mind quickly enough.

"Pfft, I´d never get soft for you." He jeered but the moment the words left his mouth he wished he hadn´t said them. _Gosh that sounded wrong. _

Harry seemed to be thinking in the same lines, seeing as he burst out in hysterical laughter, tears streaming down his face while he was clutching his stomach.

"HAHA, to much information, Malfoy. PffthhaHHHAHA!"

Malfoy crossed his arms, glaring grumpily at Potter waiting for his laughter to die out.

"Shut up you pervert. You Gryffindors are masters at misinterpret the most absurd things into something sexual. Get a freaking grip."

Harry bit his lips, trying to prevent another fit of laughter to explode. But the attempt failed.

He let out the suppressed laugh, almost spitting Draco in the face in the process.

"BwhAHHAHA! Get a grip around what? HAHA!" Harry roared, giggling like a maniac.

Draco only rolled his eyes.

"Don´t flatter yourself, Potter." He said nonchalantly as he studied his own nails noncommittally.

They stayed silent for a while. Beside Potters occasional chuckle and it left Draco some time to think.

It was weird – how the... situation between the two of them had changes after that very personal outburst from Harry two weeks ago. Neither of them had brought it up again since then. Somehow they didn´t have to. They had made some kind of silent agreement not to speak of it again. All that took was that small flicker of pleading in Harry´s eyes the next day they met.

Draco knew it made Harry feel very vulnerable. But he managed not to show it, and visibly got more comfortable around Draco for every day. They both where. Sure, they were still bickering and teasing each other and it had been a couple or two out – storming in rage after a particular nasty fight. But they always came back the next day.

But the worse fights still happened when in public. They were still hating each other outside of their little study-meetings. Draco still said nasty stuff to him and his friends when he couldn´t control himself. And Harry would give the same murdering glares like always. But worse was when his eyes got that _disappointing_ look. Granted – it must be weird and confusing for him when Draco goes from being all nice and manageable to being a complete asshole like always.

Draco was disappointed in himself too. He didn´t want to fight with Harry. Not really. But sometimes he just couldn´t keep the words from escaping his mouth. Whenever he would feel mad or angry or sad about something he would let it out on Potter. Just like he always had. And now when they had this meetings... Well it just made things complicated. If they had had a nasty fight in class or on brakes – they would end up being stiff and uncomfortable in their studymeetings. But thankfully it wore off pretty quickly most of the times. Mostly because Harry was so damn easy to please.

All that Draco had to do most of the time was to say he was sorry. _Gosh, those sappy Gryffindors._ Draco thought with a snort – that made Harry look questioningly at him with a amused smile.

"Cursing me in your mind again, Malfoy?" He said, grinning knowingly at Draco.

Draco watched him – refusing to give in to the mesmerizing smile and remained tastefully indifferent.

"Actually it was more a insult to your entire race." He said – flicking away something under his nails while trying to look nonchalant, waiting for the inviolable comeback.

But it didn´t come. Draco snapped his head around, looking at Harry and saw him looking away with a bad attempt at an indifferent look. His face look cold and hard – and Draco could practically hear the words swirl around in his head – trying to understand the meaning of what Draco had said.

Draco sighed and cursed Harry as much as himself.

He cursed Harry for always expecting the worse when it came to Draco. And he cursed himself for being the reason for Harry´s habit of doing so.

"Stop feeling offended you great lump. I was referring to you Gryffindors cult. You are always so sappy and touchy." He drawled as he cocked one eyebrow. "Obviously my insult was valid. Seeing as you are currently being sappy and touchy." He continued, flashing the other boy one of his famous smirks.

To his delight , Harry´s lips twitched and his eyes almost immediately turned softer as he pushed Draco grumpily on the arm in a playful manner.

"Not all of us can be as collected and indifferent as your Slytherin lot." He said smiling a little.

"True." Draco retorted, looking very pleased with himself.

There was another silence then, both smiling amused little smiles.

"Do you think that´ll ever happen?"

Draco looked up at Harry, not knowing how to answer. Was it even a serious question? Should he laugh it of? Or play dumb and hope Potter would let it be? Yeah. Dumb sounds good.

"Will what happen?" He said, raising his eyebrows at Harry as he questioned his own mental health. Playing dumb. Wow. He really has gone down the gutter. He blamed Harry for that.

"You know. Eh... I mean. Like... Outside these meetings. Will we ever be civil with each other? _Could we? _Like friends. I mean... Is it even possible? " Harry rambled while rubbing his neck fiercefully, leaving his skin burning red after the friction.

Draco sighed. Of coruse he would go for it Being a brave Gryffindor and all. He should have known.

"I doubt it. We hate each other after all." He finally said, after a long intense silence. Harry dropped his hand and looked up, seeming... Well Draco didn´t know what that expression seemed like.

"Yeah, it would never work, right?" Harry chuckled but it soon died out and they both stayed silent, looking in opposite directions.

"No, it wouldn´t" Draco finally stated.

* * *

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD! YOU FUCKING _IMBECIL! _FUCKING GOOD FOR NOTHING _LOWLIFE!" _

The insult just went on and on and on and Draco wanted to curl up into a ball in a dark corner somewhere and never move again. But instead he found himself glued to the floor in front of Potter, who was currently screaming his lungs out at him for getting that stupid chicken-horse executed. Granted, it was a pretty over-dramatic and unnecessary move, but quite frankly, Draco didn´t understand what all the fuss was about. It was just a horse with feathers.

He was a little bit ashamed though. And that scared him. Why should he be ashamed? Because of that loathing look in those green eyes? No. Absolutely not. That´s why Draco was screaming back at the messy haired boy, as if he didn´t regret his action at all. Like he was the same egoistic brat he always had been and like the past four week of new-found truce had never happened. Like it hadn´t mattered.

Because it _didn´t._ Draco _didn´t_ care that they would go back to being life long enemies. It didn´t bother him and it didn´t make him lying awake at night.

Maybe he should just apologize and get it over with. _Wait, what?!_

"WHY SHOULD THEY SUFFER BECAUSE OF YOUR INSUFFEREBLE HABIT OF BEING A FUCKING PANSY!? HUH!? YOU´RE A FUCKING FAIRY, MALFOY! GET A FUCKING LIFE AND QUIT RUINING OTHERS BECAUSE YOUR OWN IS SO FUCKED UP! "

Harry´s face was red of anger and he was panting fiercely from all the screaming, looking at Draco with with eyes full of loathing and despise. Draco practically cringed under the gaze, like it tore him apart, piece by piece. But instead of breaking down, he towered up. He felt his entire body stiffen as he subconsciously began to build up his defenses. _That word again._ It was the second time that word had been thrown at him from Harry. But this time he couldn´t let it pass. He couldn´t bury it.

"Oh,_ please._ Why _should_ I care?! It´s just a fucking bird! And who are _you_ to call me... Those things? You´re the one with a fucked up life, aren´t you, Potter?" Draco drawled, taking in the horrified expression on Harry´s face, _the pleading._ And Draco knew, he _knew _that he shouldn´t go any further. He had already won this one. He had already done the damage he wanted. But somehow, he couldn´t stop. He was too far down now. He smirked.

"You´re the one being abused and bullied by your own family. At least I´m not incapable of defending myself against a couple of muggles."

As soon as Draco had said it both the boys fell apart. The first more visibly then the other. Harry was gasping, leaning forward, clasping his own legs to support himself while Draco´s chest heaved up once, as he was holding his breath, and he felt the pressure of his lungs as the look on Harry´s face was etched inside his mind. The pressure created a ball of something heavy and painful that made its way inside Draco´s chest, where it grew stronger and bigger for every acing second he kept looking at the damaged boy in front of him.

He had done it again. Only this time, he doubted he would ever be forgiven.

* * *

**Review please! :D And please, if you have complaints, tell them! I want to hear them! I need critic to improve! ^^.**


	6. Tormenting and shouted apologizes

_Harry had ran then. He ran with his head down. Blind to everyone around him. Blind to the flicker of devastation in Malfoy´s eyes as he watched him flee. Forever oblivious to the pure self-hatred that would burn inside Draco´s chest from that day forth. _

_Only Draco knew. Only he himself would carry the burden of the look of sheer anguish from those green eyes. The green gaze were so intense, like it held all the answers. And it only took Draco three seconds of captivity of the green light to understand that he had ruined everything. Whatever trust he had won from the messy haired boy was running away along with him. As were the slight flicker of hope of any kind of future including the both of them. They would live separate lives, as they always had. Because Draco´s betrayal would never be forgiven. _

"Draco, for Salazar´s sake, quit sulking over Potter and pull yourself together!" The stormy gray eyes that had been gazing hollowly out the window snapped back to the slight hazel ones belonging to Blaise Zabini. He gave him a bitter scowling, one that had came to be his signature facial expression the last couple of weeks and finalized it with a deep sign. "I´m not sulking, nor would I ever do such a thing over someone as undignified as Potter. Now please, let me stare out this window in peace and mind you own business." Draco deadpanned and turned his head to continue his staring of the storm that was currently taking place outside. One could wonder how the Slytherin´s could have windows down in the dungeons. Well, no actually. No one ever did. Seeing as it was pretty obvious. And given the fact that there was no one of non magic blood being placed in Slytherin, no one had to ask why. "Pfft, what a load of bull." Blaise spat, crossing his legs and raising his chin in a manner of superiority. A known trick once belonging to Draco himself, but who had been abandoned long ago, and picked up by non other then his best friend that loved using it against him. "We all know you are dying to go crawling on your knees to Potter to beg for forgiveness. It´s beyond us why though. It´s not like you need him in any sense. Not any of importance, at least." Draco raised his eyebrow in a challenging way. "And what do you know of that? Being in a friendly relationship with Potter could have been very good in the future, mind you. He told me things you know never dream of knowing. Things that might be very useful would the dark forces ever be united again, so fuck off and go do something useful for once. " Draco was angry. Tired of the constant nagging of his friends. He was so desperate to hide his true intentions that every second word that came out of his mouth was a lie. But it was worth it. Never that he would make himself so vulnerable. It would be the end of him. If not from his friends then from his father.

"You´re still pathetic. You know that? Such a pansy, going off hiding in your dorm because of a fucking fight with Potter. Who the hell cares?" Draco snapped his head at the dark boy, his heart skipping a beat, then proceeding to pound dully and painfully. "DON`T CALL ME THAT!" He yelled hysterically at Blaise who looked unimpressed and shrugged noncommittally. Draco glared at him for a long while, but he remained quite so Draco decided to let him go. He stood up from the window seat and walked pass him and down to the common-room where Pansy was seated in all her glory. "Draco, could you help me with this potion essay? It´s fucking impossible." Draco rolled his eyes but sat down next to her, snatching the parchment from her hands and read it through. "Pans. How do Snape even let you continue? You´re worse then Potter. And that´s saying something." Draco drawled at her, ignoring the way she jerked up at the mention of Potter. He shouldn´t have mentioned him. He wouldn´t hear the end of it. "Snape likes me, if you havn´t noticed. And I wouldn´t know wheter or not I´m better or worse at potions then Potter, seeing as you are the only one paying enough attention to him to care. Seriously. Every other sentence that comes out of you mouth is about him. Stop obsessing, it´s pathetic." She ended her sentence with a smirk and crossed her arms defiantly, looking rather pleased with herself. Draco only huffed, raising an perfectly shaped eyebrow at her and opened his mouth to snap back at her.  
"Snapes doesn´t like anyone, and for the record..." He began, but was cut off by a screaming fifth year that had just entered the common-room.

"Potter, Granger and Weasley are in the hospital wing and Sirius Black was captured but he escaped on the Hippogriff that was going to get killed but he didn´t! Snape is furious and keep saying it´s Potters fault, but he was in the hospital wing the whole time, if was even locked and... yeah."

Draco watched as the boy panted for breath and was only sightly offended by the uncivilized and un Slytherin-like manner. He didn´t dwell for long though, and stood up faster then light itself and strode out the dungeons with determination. If it was true, and that bird wasn´t killed, then maybe, maybe Potter wasn´t mad at him. But then again. The fact that he outed his secret about his family was still the edge of the problem. What was he thinking? Of course he wouldn´t be forgiven. And in order to be forgiven one must firstly go and ask for forgiveness, a thing that Draco would never do in this lifetime. He was a coward after all. A Malfoy coward. Which is three times as bad. _Urgh!_

Draco stopped abruptly in his stride and leaned against the wall. What the hell was he doing? Why did he even care? Well. He knew why he cared, even though he wouldn´t admit. Out loud. Or ever. But it would be the smartest thing to do, to just ignore Potter and everything evolving him. The term was soon over and they would go to summer brake and they wouldn´t have to see each other again until next term. Problem solved. Draco shook his head. No. The problem wasn´t solved. Everything was so fucked up and he couldn´t concentrate on anything knowing that he had betrayed the person he really _really... _HATED! Hated. Yes. Hated. That was the only word that should be associated with the name Potter. But the fact that in Draco´s mind, that name was associated with _so_ much more, made his heart ache and to his dismay, his eyes to tear up.

He sunk down on the floor with a broken sob, feeling so conflicted and confused inside. He was supposed to hate Potter. Hate him fiercefully. He shouldn´t feel this guilty and devastated, not about him. He shouldn´t feel he owed those green eyes their light back. He shouldn´t feel the need to pull his fingers through the messy, black hair in a manner of comfort. But he did. And he cried not only because he was confused and angry at himself, but also, Draco realized because he could never do any of those things.

With those thoughts he let out another choked sob, hating himself even more and fiercely wiped away the never ending tears that forced their way across his cheeks. He stood up thinking maybe he would stop crying if he did. He was wrong. So he buried his face in his hands, breathing deeply through his nose in order to shut out the sobs.

"Malfoy?"

Draco snapped his hands away from his face and blinked repeatedly in order to see through the tears who was standing in front of him. Even though he would recognize that voice anywhere. Potter. He stared at him for a long while. Not saying anything, perplexed and terrified at being caught in such a vulnerable situation. His mind was working extensively, every feeling and every word building up inside him and before he knew it he was screaming and running away in a new shot of tears.

"I´M FUCKING SORRY, OKAY? STOP TORMENTING ME!"

* * *

"So... What? He apologized? _The _Draco Ferret Malfoy? What did he say?"

Ron was staring sceptically at Harry as they sat in the boy´s dormitories along with Hermione who was merely watching them both, and hadn´t said a word yet. Harry however let out another sigh, still staring blankly at the ceiling, being as confused as one can be.

"Well... He kind of screamed at me, actually." Harry said, scowling and rubbing his chin with the back of his hand. "And... _Crying." _He added with a incredulous tone of voice.

"Wait, what? He was _crying_? Are you sure this was Malfoy? You might be a little foggy in your brain after all that has been going on, fighting off hundredth or dementors and finding out you have a murderous godfather, who in reality isn´t really a murderer and that you teacher is his friend but also a werewolf and that your dad and them had this kind of gang when they where kids and..."

Harry slapped him in the back of his head, making the red head stop his rambling with a groan.

"Okay! I get it, I have a messed up life. But I really am sure that it was Malfoy. There isn´t a head quite as blond as his. Or eyes as bright. There like... Really... Light. Like ice blue. It´s kind of creepy." Harry said, staring out into nothing, still rubbing his chin absently.

Ron shot him another skeptical look. "No, _you´re_ creepy, mate." He said and took out his vengeance by flicking his finger on Harry´s forehead. "Completely mental, this one." He stated with a grin turning around to Hermione when he didn´t get enough of a response from Harry who had yet to wake up from his dazing state of mind. "Mione, what do you have to say about this? I´ve never heard you so quite in the three years I´ve known you!" He exclaimed with mock outrage trying to lure a smile from her face, but failed as she only gave him a indifferent glare.

"I for once aren´t going to state my opinion in this matter, as I believe this is something Harry has to decide on his own. I cannot let my personal thoughts effect his decision of whether or not he should forgive him." She said in what seemed a very long breath and a finalizing nod of her bushy head. Then she rose from where she was seated on the side of Harry´s bed, and strode out the common-room with a grave looking expression on her face. Leaving a confused Ron and a oblivious Harry on the four poster bed.

"What´s up with her?" Ron said, pointing at the door with his thumb and looking at Harry who was still blissfully unaware of his surroundings and was swimming peacefully in his own thoughts. Ron waved his hands in front of his face, bemused by his friends behavior. "What´s up with you!?" He added, throwing his arms up in the air in defeat and thumping down on his back in his own bed, leaving Harry to his thoughts.

* * *

Harry was confused. He was angry and happy. He hated Malfoy and He liked Malfoy. He was mad at him, but was grateful at him for saying sorry. Well. In his own fucked up way, but still. Point is that it´s all so mixed up in his head and he couldn't´t figure out what to make of it. He wanted to hate Malfoy forever for doing what he did. Not only being a complete prat and getting Buckbeak sentenced to death, (even though he never actually died) but for using something he had said in a moment of trust against him and as an insult. And by that outing his secret to the few people that were around at that moment. When he went over it in his head it didn´t sound as unforgivable as he had thought it to be before. Maybe it was because it really wasn´t that big of a deal. Or maybe it was because Harry had seen a completely different side of Malfoy. He had never seen him that vulnerable. And Harry could see genuine sadness and truth behind those tear-filled eyes, hear it in his hoarse voice and most importantly, feel it in his heart. And wasn´t that what everyone always had told him? To follow his heart? That was had made him come this far, so why not continue like that? Be the forgiving and goodhearted Gryffindor everyone expected him to be? He shook his head and made a grimace of disapproval. He didn´t want to do what was anticipated of him. But then again. Who really expected him to forgive Malfoy? It would be the complete opposite of what people thought would happen. God it was all so confusing. Why couldn´t Hermione be here and make the decisions for him? It was so much easier that way. Hard decisions like this took either a great mind or a lot of time. And seeing as he didn´t have a great mind, he went with time.

* * *

This was it. In one hour everyone would be leaving the train, and go home for summer brake. Including Draco, who was currently sitting biting on his nails in a frantic manner next to a disgusted looking Blaise. And including Potter who was sitting somewhere on this train, and who had yet to come to Draco and tell him whether or not he was forgiven. Draco had been sitting on needles the last couple of weeks. First he had been afraid that Harry would tell everyone that he had cried and come up with some disgraceful lie that he had been begging on his knees for forgiveness. But it didn´t happen. But that Harry saved him from such a humiliating fate didn´t mean he forgave him. He was quite angry with him. He would rather have Harry say he didn´t forgive him then saying nothing at all. The way he wound Draco up. The way he always had, never failed to make Draco mad with desperation. But this time it was worse then ever. It felt like his life depended on Harry´s answer. Like he held Draco fate in his hands and that he could crush it in an instant if he wanted. It was excruciating and Draco wanted out. Out. Out of the train we go and all hope was lost. Draco would be spending an eternity of suffering in his home, never to know the thoughts that went on inside a certain raven-black covered skull.

Draco dipped his head, walking grimly towards his mother that was waiting for him on the platform. He didn´t dare look up, he wouldn´t be able to handle the force of those green lights if there were to cross paths. His mother went on and on about how happy she was to see him and how she had missed him, completely oblivious to the fact that Draco´s life was falling apart inside him. But also to the tiny, round owl that flapped it´s tiny wings frantically to get passed the storming crowd and into Draco´s pale hand. But Draco saw, and first had the impression that the intrusion on his skin was his mother that was trying to grab hold of his hand, and therefor whipped his hand away.

But the tiny owl didn´t budge, as it was holding on for dear life with it´s small claws around Draco´s index finger. Draco looked down and was met with a pair of deep yellow eyes. The owl let out a silent hoot and started flapping it´s wings again, as if trying to get away, though was still holding on to Draco´s finger. Draco noticed something in it´s beak, and reached out to take the it from the strange owl.

A letter. Addressed to Draco Malfoy. Written in green ink and scrawny letters. Draco looked at the owl again, as if asking it for permission. The owl hooted again, then flew away. Draco opened the letter with shaky fingers, and read the three sentences that was written there.

_I forgive you. Sorry for waiting so long. I just love tormenting you, after all. /Harry_

* * *

_**Theeeeere! :) You like it? Please tell me what you think of it so far! Rewiev, it keeps me motivated! :D Love you all! ^^,**  
_


	7. Summerfling

**Oh god, Im really sorry this took so long! I´ve just been so busy with Christmas and dealing with a lot of drunk –problems. I´m hear now though! For your rescue! :D**

* * *

Summer brake had passed by pretty uneventful. If you look past the fact that Draco had his first kiss. And with that an epiphany about life and himself. See, the kiss was with a very handsome _boy_. Yes, indeed. Draco has finally accepted his fate and future as a raging homosexual. It took some time, and a lot of kisses to convince him. (Actually it only took one, but he would never admit that.) The boy that had enlightened Draco´s summer was named Kyle and he was son of a friend of Draco´s mother. He was from France, and went at Beauxbatons Academy. He had spent his summer at Malfoy manor as his parents along with Draco´s mother had gone on a work vacation and didn´t want him to be home alone. He was 17 years old, so the reason to why he wouldn´t be allowed to be alone was that apparently his parents had found him in bed with another boy, and that wasn´t much of a hit. So they brought him with them to England in a diversion of his fagget ways. As he liked to say. It had failed though, when he had laid eyes upon Draco and noticed the blonde's insufferable habit of looking at his well-shaped ass. It was pretty easy for Kyle to go from there. Once he confronted Draco about the ass-staring he didn´t wait long before he hinted, or rather showed the younger boy that he was gay, and that there wasn´t anything wrong with that.

Now, one might wonder how Draco could give in to Kyle´s tempting ass, when he had finally accepted the fact that he was extremely attracted to a certain Mr. Potter. Well, it wasn´t like he had forgotten about him, actually that would be pretty hard seeing as he had spent his summer making out with a black haired, green eyed and spectacle covered boy. Yes. Kyle was rather alike Potter in many ways. Which was one of the reasons that Draco liked him in the first place. It was just a good way of keeping his mind... And body busy, when he obviously couldn't have the real deal. So, in a Slytherin like manner he used Kyle and his incredibly skilled mouth and hands, and his unbelievably good looking ass. Used him for experience and for his Potter like appearance.

Then again, it wasn´t really the same. Kyle´s hair didn´t have the natural messy chaos that Harry did, but styled his hair to make it look like he just got out of bed. And his glasses wasn´t as round and amazingly ridiculous as Harry´s, but square and actually fashionable. And his eyes... His eyes wasn´t the same intense green as Harry´s, but had flecks of brown in it and didn´t sparkle the way Draco had come to grow addicted to through three years of observation of Potter.

He just wasn´t _Potter._ But he was a decent diversion and a fairly good entertainment. Hah, yes. It had been quite a summer. Lots of progress. Not only mentally, but also physically. Draco now knew the true meaning of the word blow job, seeing as he had received and given quite an excessive amount of those through the summer. He had gotten pretty good at it, to be honest. And like everything else in Draco´s life, he loved to brag about stuff he was good at. For some people it was Quidditch, and for others it was sucking cock. His mother had always said that we all have our own special talents. Though Draco thought she might have been speaking about something a bit less scandalizing.

Okay, you may think that – Oh what the hell? Draco is only 14 years old, isn´t that a bit young to be off having passionate oral sex? Well. Yes. As a muggle you might think that. But seeing as this is the wizarding world, there are different rules. For one, wizards and witches lie 1 year ahead of muggles. Where muggles tend to be considered grown up at 18, wizards have reached their age of maturity at the age of 17. And, where muggles have restricted sex to the age of 15, magical folks, daring as ever, commence passionate love making at 14. Why was this, you ask? Is it because wizards are less evolved and a bit medieval in their thinking or is it because of the obvious reason that wizards and witches mature faster than muggles seeing as they have to take responsibility of something as dangerous and powerful as magic before they have even learned how to speak? You choose.

Draco, having since long abandoned such silly musings was currently pressed against the wall in the over filled library of the mansion, books falling down as the bookcase had started following the motion of the two entwined hips that was grounding against each other in a slow, lazy pace. His hands were locked securely above his head by Kyle´s right one. The other was moving further and further down along Draco´s body, passing his chest, his ribcage, and finally his navel. The blonde jerked slightly as Kyle´s hand made contact with his sensitive skin, slowly caressing his protruding hipbone with his thumb, and then moving it down below the waistband of Draco´s trousers. He felt his breathing quicken as his body reacted to the touch, and prepared itself for what it knew was coming. He let his head fall back against the bookcase with a suppressed whimper and Kyle wasted no time in claiming Draco´s pale neck with his lips. He was soft and gentle at first but soon got bolder in pace with his fiercer moving hand and Draco´s quickening whimpers and moans. Draco knew Kyle loved the sounds he made. And sure enough. Within seconds he heard and felt the heavy breathing against his neck where Kyle was currently licking and biting in turns. When he made a particularly hard bite, then soothed it over with his tongue Draco let out a desperate sobbing whimper of pleasure that made Kyle moan hoarsely in return. Then he jutted their groins together with a frustrated groan and leaned in close to Draco´s ear, nibbling on it before breathlessly opening his mouth.

"Oh god, Draco. You can make me hard without even touching me." He said with a slight French accent as he released Draco´s hands to use both of his own to undo Draco´s pants. " I could easily come only by watching you writhing underneath my hands." He ran his hands in a path that started at the inside of Draco´s thighs, then moved up over his groin, pressing against Draco´s erection then moved them over his slim hips and reached behind him to slip his hands underneath his boxers, grabbing Draco´s arse with firm hands. " By listening to you scream and moan like this."

Draco let out a moan as to finalize his words, going up an octave when Kyle squeezed gently. In return, Kyle moved his hands further down of Draco´s ass, massaging his cheeks and then, ever so discretely, slipped a finger between his buttocks, making Draco yelp in surprise.

"W-what are you doing?" He said breathlessly, squirming slightly so that Kyle´s hands moved away from his ass, and settled at his hips again. "You are so cute, and inexperienced. I´m giving you pleasure, Draco. " He said with a laugh, his voice still hoarse with lust. Draco raised his eyebrows in a slightly offended and skeptical face. "I know perfectly well _what_ you were about to do, my question was rhetorical as I doubt any of that sorts would be pleasant in any way." At that Kyle smiled patronizingly at him, and raised his hands to his face, and stroked Draco´s cheeks, as if soothing a child. "How can you know if you never tried? Let me show you." He said, a smirk making its way on his lips. Not the kind of smirk Draco used to flash at people when he felt like mocking people. But another kind of smirk. A smirk that implied a lot of things. Thing Draco wasn´t yet ready to do. So Draco changed his technique. He looked down, as if embarrassed and said: "Uhm, Kyle. It´s just I don´t feel ready to do that kind of stuff with you yet." He didn´t realize how much feeling he put into the word "you" until he saw the look on the older boy´s face. "Not ready, or not willing?" He said, clearly put out. Draco didn´t blame him. He had strung him along all summer, made it seem like he wanted everything with him. How could he have told the truth? That really, he wanted to do that kind of things with someone special. Not just a summer fling. Not only was that incredibly embarrassing to admit, but also very mean. Draco hadn´t really put it together yet in his head, just whom, he wanted to save himself for. Draco could just _feel_ that he didn´t want it. It just _felt_ wrong. "Both. I´m not _ready _to have my ass intruded, and I don´t _want_ to feel the pain." His voice was a little stern, but he didn´t want to hurt Kyle anymore right now, so he changed his posture and soothed his voice. "But I´m perfectly _fine_ doing this." He said, as he lowered himself towards Kyle´s crotch. Kyle seemed unwilling at first, but soon relaxed into Draco´s smooth strokes on top of his clothes, and gave up fully when the blonde undid his trousers and slipped his hands down his boxers. He was groaning within minutes and whispered Draco´s name silently between the heavy breathing. Though when Draco leaned forward and placed his lips around Kyle´s stiff cock, there wasn´t whispers anymore, but screams that echoed into the big library. Draco smiled slightly around his dick when Kyle grabbed hold of his hair and jerked his hips unsteadily into Draco´s mouth. In responds Draco started flicking his tongue along the shaft taking in the way Kyle stroked and tugged at his blonde hair in turn. "Oh fuck Draco, you. Hmm, your mouth is so amazing." He panted, making Draco hum in return, which made Kyle moan loudly and grab hold of Draco´s shoulders and, believe it or not, jerk him up again. Draco had never really understood that part of Kyle´s logic. He always stopped when it got most intense and started over again. He had said that it had something to do with "the longer you drag it out, the better it feels when you finally come." Draco didn´t argue though and happily complied when Kyle started sucking at his lips, and flicking his tongue together with his own. "Now it´s my turn to make you feel good." He said as he sneaked a hand inside Draco´s trousers, and started stroking the length of Draco´s hard on. Draco closed his eyes and relished in the feeling of the strong hand and the soft lips on his neck. He was so lost in pleasure that he wasn´t aware of time and place. Or just whom he was being jerked off by. So before he could process every thought in his mind a silent but desperate moan slipped past his lips. "Oh, Harry." Kyle however was extensively aware of what had happened, and stopped what he was doing. Draco opened his eyes and gave him a slightly annoyed look. He really didn´t appreciate the whole stop-and-start-over-tactics. But when he saw the look on Kyle´s face, he looked surprised. Whatever could he have done to make him look that mad? Had he jizzed his eye or something? No. He was still painfully aware of the throbbing hard on in his pants.

"What did you say?" Kyle finally said in a threatening tone that made Draco lean in closer into the book case, taking as much distance between them as physically possible at the moment. "I-I didn´t say anything?" He stuttered and if possible Kyle´s eyes turn even harder. "Don´t play games with me, I heard you. You said Harry!" He grabbed hold of Draco´s wrist and pinned them on either side of his head. "Who´s Harry?!" He said, and leaned in closer to Draco´s face. Draco had about two seconds of pure fear when he saw the look in Kyle´s eyes. He knew that he was strong, and that he had quite a temper. But the fear passed and Draco squirmed out of the grip, jerking his hands back to push Kyle away with. "What do you think you are doing?! You can´t just grab me like that, it, fucking hurts!" He said, and took a couple steps backwards. Kyle looked regretful for a split second then went over to anger again. "Don´t try and change subject! I want to know who he is. Are you fucking him too?" He screamed, lightning bursting out his eyes in rage. Draco rolled his eyes in an attempt to look indifferent, though on the inside he was panicking. He had no Idea what to say. He wasn´t even aware of that he had been thinking about Harry, but now it made sense, and he had gotten himself in quite a mess. "First off, you great lump of dragon-shit, you don´t have some kind of ownership on me, and second of all, I am _not_ fucking anyone. As you may be aware of, since I shot you down just minutes ago, saying I´m not ready for any of that sorts." He took yet another step backwards at his words, aiming for the door, in case a quit escape was needed. He was a Malfoy and a Slytherin after all. Always look for a way out. Survival instinct number one. Kyle for one seemed as if he was calming himself and took two deep breaths. "And thirdly? Please, I just want to know. Am I not the only one you think of? Who is Harry? Please, just be honest with me."

Wow, honesty. That, on the other hand, was _not_ a known feature of Slytherins and Malfoy´s. But could he really plague Kyle further? Shouldn´t he stop stringing him along? He should be the better man for once. Take the higher road and all that shit. He sighed. "Harry... Is a boy at school. I´ve …. found him attractive for quite some time now, even before I figured out any of this." He swallowed the lump in his throat. He still had issues with admitting it out load. That one word. "Gay-stuff. Before I met you and before I even knew that liking boys wasn´t punishable with death." Kyle gave him a slight smile at that. He knew the struggle of pure blood families and gay issues. Draco returned it, and took another deep breath. "He not like us. And I haven't done anything with him. Actually we are known as schoolyard rivals." Kyle seemed to jerk in interest at that, and swished his head in Draco´s direction. "Wait... Are you speaking of Harry _Potter?_" His eyes was shining in delight, all anger suddenly gone. "Yes. I found some similarities between the two of you, and I took advantage of that. I´m sorry I strung you along, I understand that you are mad at me." Kyle gave him a goofy smile. It looked odd, and totally out of line, given the present situation. Shouldn´t he be screaming, hitting and running out in rage? He soon got the answer why he didn´t. "Are you kidding? I´m not mad. Being the sexual substitute for _Harry Potter_. That´s just... a dream come true! " He chuckled. "I´ve been trying to imitate his looks, I love the way he looks! I´m his number one fan!" Draco stared at him in disbelief. This wasn´t happening. It was confusing, how he was so attracted to a person, and still being so infuriated with him. That freaking Potter managed to save the day again, and he wasn´t even present. Fucking Potter. Stupid, famous Potter. And Kyle?! His number one fan, huh? Hell no. "Out. Just... Leave. I can´t look at you at the moment. Fucking_ hell_, that stupid son of a bitch managed to hog my spotlight once again, I´m sick of it!" Draco was speaking more to himself then to Kyle, who was standing surprised-looking in front of him, seeming unsure of what to do. Even though Draco had been extensively clear with the instructions. "_OUT!"_ Draco screamed, pointing at the door behind him and shooting daggers at Kyle with his stormy, grey eyes. Kyle complied, and fled out the room. Funny, how the situation had turned out. How the characters had switched places. Kyle had been the one that was mad at him, and Draco was the one that was scared. Now it was Kyle who was running out like a dog with its tail between its legs.

"FUCK!" Draco exclaimed and kicked a nearby chair in rage. Then he calmed down, sunk down to the floor and leaned against the wall again. A big sigh escaped him and he closed his eyes. He was really confused. He didn´t know whether he was angry or happy about having ended thing with Kyle. Or if it was a bad or a good thing that he got out of it with ease. Without having to taking the blame. Usually, that was the best way to get out of things. But now it just felt infuriatingly annoying. _God, how he hated Potter._ He thought shallowly , forcing the statement to be true, though subconsciously, his mind slipped another sentence into his mind. _Can´t wait until I see him again._

* * *

Triwizard tournament, huh? It´s never a quite year at Hogwarts. It might have been exiting if he was actually _allowed_ to join in! Of course, that wasn´t the case. Apparently there had been a rule change and only the oldest was allowed to have the honor the tournament provided them. Then again, It wasn´t like Draco would have the guts to join if he had been allowed anyways. He was Slytherin after all. And they weren't known for their inspiring bravery. Draco was just grumpy that he wasn´t the center of attention. And also because Beauxbatons Academy was one of the schools that was to compete. And Kyle was among them. They hadn´t spoken a word with each other since they started school, and barley any before. Though, what annoyed him the most was Potter. Every time he walked pass and every time Draco saw him he felt a feeling of annoyance twist through him. He guessed it was because of what had happened with Kyle and all. But deep inside, he knew it was because he had hoped that Harry would speak to him. He hadn´t. He hadn´t even looked at him. Draco didn´t know just what he had expected to happen. It´s not like Potter would jump into his arms just because they found some kind of strange truce. Just _something_ would be nice.

Now, one might think that why doesn´t Draco himself initiate a conversation? Well. It´s pretty obvious isn´t it? A word that starts with P and ends with RIDE? Something crucial to the Malfoy family? Yeah, that´d be it. Draco didn´t want to be the first to talk. He was stubborn. And he had to suffer for it. Draco turned his head to watched Pansy and Blaise babble about their summer. Draco had tuned out after three seconds. He was too annoyed to listen. And he needed to think. He had a lot of things on his to do list. Clear things up with Kyle might be one of them. It would be far too awkward with him at the school and everything. He might even blab about Draco´s secret attraction to Potter. Then wait for Potter to speak to him. Or rather, plot plans of how to speak to him without it seeming like he wanted to. God, good thing Draco had a well-organized brain. A stupid person would never be able to handle all the plotting and hard work scheming he had to do. Lastly, and probably the hardest one - come out of the suffocating closet. He didn´t know if he even _wanted _to come out yet. Sure he was a lot more confident about himself now, but let's be serious. He´s a pure blood and a Malfoy living in a society with a lot of prejudice. Homosexuality isn´t though of nicely in the wizarding world. Wizards and witches are supposed to continue their blood line and have a bunch of nice pure-blood babies. Merlin, this is all so frustrating. Draco signed and leaned back in his chair, leaning his head back in defeat.

"Wait…Is that a _hickey!?" _

Draco suddenly snapped out of his pondering state at the brutal extrusion from his friends. It was like someone turned up the sound on a radio, and their voices was loud and clear and beautifully annoying like always.

"_Malfoy!_ " They both got closer, Pansy grabbing hold of his hair and pulling his head back further to get a better look.

"What do you think Blaise?" Pansy said in a gossipy sound of voice. They both huddled closer to his neck, exanimating it closely while doing little thoughtful humming noises once in a while.

"Yep, definably a hickey. " Blaise finally stated with a satisfied nod of his head. Pansy released her hold of Draco´s hair and Draco let his head fall to the side, hiding the marks and rolling his eyes at his friends. "You done manhandling me now, pervs?" Draco drawled in a superior manner, watching his astounded friends with satisfaction. Most people would probably be embarrassed and denying it at all costs. But Draco happened to enjoy the attention. He liked the awed and jealous looks he was given. He liked having something other hadn´t. And given the lack of scarfs, turtlenecks and any visible marks, Draco drew the conclusion that he was the only one among the three of them that had gotten the hickey treatment.

"Yeah, sure once you tell us who gave you _those_!" Blaise said gesturing at Draco throat and neck with a whiff of his hand. "There enormous! And numerous!" He added. Pansy nodded and smirked. "Must have been quite an eager fella, right?" She said with a wink and a playful nudge. Draco only smiled self-satisfactory. "Might have been. I wouldn´t want to share any graphic details. Apart from you lot I have boundaries and class and… _Wait… _Did you say ´_fella´?" _ Draco stopped talking immediately and snapped his head to Pansy, staring at her with big eyes. Blaise rolled his eyes and leaned back in the sofa and Pansy smiled an odd sort of smile and nudged Draco in the side again. "Give it up, we _know_." She said, her smile growing bigger at the way Draco´s face transformed into a lobster kind of color again. "W-what. I-I mean… H_-How?" _He stuttered looking everywhere but his friends. He wasn´t ready to confess yet. He didn´t want to do it like this. But it seemed like he had no choice. "Oh please, it's quite obvious when hearing you say. "_Oh Harry"_ every other night, and then taking your daily trip to the shower. I mean. Seriously." Blaise said, rolling his eyes again. Draco was close to running away. He felt suffocated and deceived. Embarrassed. But then Blaise smiled. A small, reassuring smile. It only lasted for half a second, but it was enough for Draco to relax into his seat again. They weren't mad. They weren't going to spit at him or throw him to the wolfs like the foul animal he had thought himself to be for so long. "So who was he? Is he hot? Well, he must be if he was good enough for you. You have always been the picky one, Draco. Do you think he has an equally hot brother who happened to be heterosexual? " Pansy went on, looking at Draco with hope in her eyes. "Well. His name was Kyle. And he lived in France. He came to London with his parents that are friends with my mother. And yes, he was quite good-looking. It´s like you said, I wouldn´t settle for less the best after all." He cleared his throat. Of course that wasn´t completely true. He had after all settled for the second best thing. A substitute. But no need to reveal everything at once. "And I wouldn´t know if he had a brother. We didn´t spend much time discussing out families after all." He said, only blushing slightly when he said it, feeling a bit more confident now. "Well, you have to ask him!" He goes to Beauxbatons, right? That´s the only wizarding school in France." Pansy said, excitement bursting out her ears. Draco shook his head. "Actually, we are not really on speaking-terms anymore. We kind of… Broke things before school started." He said, searching for words, seeing as he wasn´t really sure whether or not Kyle was aware of their relationships status. He had been naively positive to the end, saying he was fine with the whole Harry Potter thing, and that Draco could just close his eyes when they were together. That was a desperate man's words of course. Being so blinded with joy of having been compared with Harry Potter that he didn't care that he was a substitute. Draco had allowed it. Once, after their fight. Hence the freshly marked hickeys, but he got to his senses and called it off. Leaving the French boy sulking in the master guest-room. As did Pansy, when she processed what Draco had said. "Why? Did you act like a jerk again Draco?" She said, pointing a finger at him and shooting him a firm look of disapproval. Blaise on the other hand snorted and rolled his eyes for the millionth time in half an hour. "Because he fancies Potter, you dipshit." He said with a yawn. "It´s obvious."

Draco made a spluttering noise and looked outrageously at Blaise. "I do _not_ fancy Potter!" He said, crossing his arms in a stubborn manner and was met by yet another roll of Blaise eyes. "Whatever. If you want to keep denying it, be my guest. But then please, could you at least put a silencing spell on you bed so I don´t have to listen to your wet Potter-dreams every night?" He asked before he stood up and walked passed them to their dormitories. Draco turned to Pansy, who was shaking her head at looking at Draco patronizingly, smacking her tongue in disapproval. Draco threw his arms above his head in a defensive gesture. "I DON`T FANCY HIM!" He exclaimed as Pansy stood up. She walked pass him, clapping him lightly on the shoulder before following Blaise up the stairs. "Sure, sure. Whatever you say."

Well, despite the sneak attack from his friends that forced him to reveal his secret, he _had_ come out. Just to the two of them of course, but it´s was something. Point is, he had made a cross on his list, and could move on. And seeing as he was going from down to up the next thing was – getting Potter to speak with him. Or at least acknowledge him. Not as easy as it sounds, when you have your pride to protect, but he would manage. Firstly, he needed to talk to the make their truce visible to the teachers. They might have already noticed it. Seeing as they usually fight all the time, it must be quite a noticeable difference when they both are sitting calmly and soundly on either side of the classroom, not even throwing dirty looks at each other. He smirked as he entered the transfiguration classroom. He was the first one there, except for the teacher of course. It wasn´t unspoken of that Draco went talking to the teachers. He had a good reputation after all, or should we say, good grades. Sucking up for the teachers was just one of the many things a busy student does. "Excuse me, Professor, can I ask you something?" He said, starting out polite and discrete. McGonagall eyes him sternly for a seconds then nodded. "Yes, of course." She said as she wrote something on a roll of parchment. "Well, I´ve been thinking much of unity since the other schools got here. And, I just think they all seem to get along so well. It´s a shame we don´t have that here. " McGonagall raised one eyebrow. Shoot. She was on to him. "I´m aware of that I haven't been merlin's best child in this matter, but as you may know, I´m all about grades. I have a straight O´s in six subjects and I wish to keep it that way. I don´t want by any means to go off making friends with Hufflepuffs or Gryffindor's, I mainly want to challenge myself further as I know fourth year is going to be demanding." McGonagall seemed to buy his diversion and looked thoughtful. "What are you suggesting, then?" She said, looking genuinely interested. Draco smiled. "Well, wouldn´t mixing the houses together in classes be a good way to start? Being put with someone you usually wouldn´t work with is just the challenge we need. I mean, out there when schools over, there might be people that we don´t want to work with, but we have to. Why not practice this early on? "Draco´s little speech seemed to be working as McGonagall raised her eyebrows again, though this time in a less suspicious way. "I must say Draco, I´m impressed. I haven't had any student, other than Granger of course, this willing to progress. What made you come up with this idea?" She said, putting down her quill and looking at him with interesting eyes. "Well, to be honest, we had this lesson last year in divination where we mixed the Gryffindor´s with Slytherins. I ended up with Potter. It was a drag at first, but it turned out good. I actually started to enjoy the subject which is a miracle in itself. "McGonagall almost laughed, but soon collected herself, turning to her strict looking facade again. "Alright then, I will think about this, now please, take a seat the lesson is about to begin and I need to get this done." She said, gesturing to the mess on her desk. Draco turned around and smiled to himself. He really was great at this stuff. As he took a seat, several of the other students started to stroll inside the classroom as well. Draco didn´t have to look for long, but immediately sought out the green eyes and messy hair in the crowd. He was walking with his two friends like always. Sitting on the other side of the room. Also known as the Gryffindor side. He looked smashing. Wonderful and … well just about every positive word in the book. It was refreshing to see the real face of Harry Potter and not some second hand substitute that merely_ resembled _him. No, that wasn´t enough. _This_ however was more than enough. Draco could just stare at him all day. He could drink in the way he looked, even how he moved. It all was so incredibly… _Harry_. The way he pulled his hand through his hair, or biting his nails and the way he looked at his friends, so enraptured in the conversation, locking his eyes so warmly at his friends, really listening. The way he laughed when Weasley said something funny, or how is eyes turn sympathetic when Granger said something bad. It made Draco want to curl into a ball and purr.

"Attention class! Today we are transforming a chair to an armchair. I´m pairing you up, and I don´t want to hear any complaints about it. This is for your own good."

Draco snapped out of his stare of the black-haired beauty in front of him and listened with rapture what McGonagall said. She was following his advice already. His plan had worked out better than planned. She mixed Slytherins and Gryffindor's together, and if Draco wasn´t mistaken she deliberately mixed together the people that one would least think of working together. And sure enough, she reached Harry, looked down on her piece of parchment and turned to Draco. "Potter, Malfoy, pair up!" Draco could barely contain the grin that was trying to break free from his lips as he made his way to the Gryffindor side. He sat down next to Potter, restraining himself from "accidently" touching his hand while picking up his book from his bag. When he was done, he looked up at Harry who was eyeing him with a slightly amused smile. He was quite though, which Draco hadn´t planned on. Why was he only sitting there looking at him? It felt like he was being challenged or something. Well, he certainly wouldn´t back down! He had done this much, now it was Potter´s turn to do some work. He crossed his legs and watched Harry indifferently. It didn´t take long before Harry´s face cracked up in a grin. He turned his head down in defeat while chuckling in the same amused way. "You´re really going to make me do this aren´t you?" He said, shaking his bowed head with a laugh. Then he took a deep breath, raised his head and looked Draco in the eyes, almost knocking him off the chair with the intensity of the green depths. "Hello Draco, oh mortal and childhood enemy, who I forgave last term for being an ass. Oh alas how awkward and horrible this is to be working with you, blab la bla bla." Harry laughed again. "Ran out of words. Why don´t you give it a try?" He said, gesturing at Draco with his hand. Draco had yet to recover from the sound of Harry´s voice. It felt so amazing to hear it again. But he recovered and said the first thing that came to mind. "I was beginning to think you had lost your way. You usually never turn down a shot of getting to blab about everything to everyone… Including me." Harry smiled again at this and stuck out his tongue. "Don´t take it personal. Or well… Yeah, you should. I wasn´t going to take the first step, seeing as you were the one being an ass, you should be the one that comes to me first, no? I knew you were going to be stubborn. You always are. With your pride issues and all that crap, and it´s like I said, I like tormenting you. It was hilarious watching you run around in circles thinking I was still mad at you. " Draco rolled his eyes and reached for his wand. "Sounds kinky." He jumped from his seat and pointed his wand at the chair Harry sat in. "Now, I think we are supposed to be working here, that was the point of this whole mixing experiment wasn´t it? Not getting all chatty. It isn´t like I crave your voice. Quite the opposite actually." Then he swished his wand and said the spell he read in the book. Harry yelped when his wooden chair suddenly turned into a cozy leather armchair. He sunk down into it, getting himself comfortable. "Well, seeing as you apparently know this spell like the back of your hand, I see no need of wasting this opportunity for practicing." He twirled his wand between his fingers, looking challengingly at Draco. The blond snorted and rolled his eyes. "Well, you still suck at it, though." He said as he transformed Harry´s chair back into a wooden stool. Harry stood up, having slipped of the uncomfortable chair as soon as possible and stood in front of it. "What do you know? I might be awesome at this spell." He jerked his wand in a brutal way and said the spell. The chair didn´t transform but merely vibrated for three seconds before it went still again.  
"Pathetic." Draco said with a shake of his head. Harry looked at him and pulled out his tongue again. God, he really needed to stop that. Draco was moments away from sucking it inside his mouth. Merlin, Draco felt the greatest urge to touch him. He felt his skin radiate warmth and it just begged to be touched. It was frustrating. Draco shook his head. Hell, was he a Slytherin or not? He just had to use his wit to come up with an excuse. "Your hand motion is too rough. You have to be gentle. Like this." He grabbed Harry´s wrist, angling it slightly so it was more relaxed. "And don´t hold you wand like your jerking it off. Hold it, don´t grab it." He said as he readjusted Harry´s fingers that was gripping the wand. "This isn´t a battlefield, I know when at defense lessons, you're supposed to hold you wand tightly and firmly, but when transforming something, you need grace and finesse. Okay? Try it." He released his hand and took a step back. Harry flicked his wand, still a little harsh, but much gentler then before. The chair turned to an armchair with a soft sitting-pad and wooden backrest

"I´m such a good teacher." Draco said, smiling self satisfyingly. Harry snorted. "You´re unbelievable. Were normal people say good job to the student you congratulate yourself for being a good teacher. You´re one of a kind, Malfoy." Harry said and rolled his eyes with a chuckle. "Yeah… I really am aren´t I?" He said with mock awe. They both laugh at the silly gesture he made where he clasped his hands together in front of his face and fluttering with his eyelashes while staring up at the ceiling.

"Class dismissed! Don´t forget the essay for tomorrow, and don´t forget to practice!" McGonagall suddenly yelled out, sending the whole class spurting out of the room, happy to finally be rid of the boring lesson. Expect for Draco and Harry who was lingering at their seats, collecting their things. "Well, I better go. See you at defense!" Harry said, waving his hands as he ran after Weasley and Granger.

At defense they did something much more exiting. The new teacher was a bit of a loon, but he went through the forbidden curses. They all got out of the room scared in their own way. Longbottom for example seemed awfully pale after seeing that spider being tortured, and Pansy thought of it as vulgar to kill something in front of students. Then again, she was a vegetarian, and thought of the spider as precious life, which, Draco didn´t fully agree on. He hated them. As did Weasley it seemed as he had practically started stripping when the spider had touched him. Though, for Draco the most interesting event was Potter. No surprise there. Always the center of attention. But this time, Draco could give him that. Because standing up against the impero like that was just magnificent. It was too bad the student wasn´t allowed to try the impero. Draco knew exactly what he wanted to tell Harry to do. Though, he probably wouldn´t succeed with his plan, seeing as Harry was so darn good at resisting the curse.

At lunch Draco sat staring at Kyle, who was staring at Harry. Only difference was that while Kyle look was filled with awe and admiration, Draco´s eyes promised horror and pain. He hated when other people looked at Harry that way. It made him so aware of the fact that he probably looked the same. And Draco already had to deal with Weasley girl looks days at end. That was more than enough. But what really got Draco to snap was when Kyle suddenly stood up. Draco didn´t understand why until he saw that Harry, too was going out of the hall. He rose quickly, and before he knew it he was in front of Harry, taking him by the wrist and pulling him down the corridor. "What are you doing?!" Harry exclaimed, panting slightly at the short sprint. "Lunatic." Draco only shook his head, still recovering and keeping look out for Kyle. "Sorry, just some guy I know was following you. I promise you I saved you from a very annoying conversation." Draco said, letting go of Harry wrist. Then he looked at him, seeing if he way mad. He wasn´t He just looked questioning. "He´s your ´_number one fan´_" Draco said, with a mock voice to imitate the French accent and deep voice. Bitter realization grew on Harry face and he looked down as if embarrassed. "Oh. Well, thank you then. I owe you one." Then he smiled. "How do you know him anyway?" Draco looked into the green eyes. This was the moment to tell the truth. It was so easy. He could just say it. The worst that could happen was that he refused to talk to him out of disgust and told everyone and then sought out a group of homophobes to help him beat Draco up. Yeah, that wasn´t so bad. Just go for it!

"He´s my ex…tremely annoying cousin." He said, feeling a cold sweat break out and his heart beating faster. "Yeah, he came visiting this summer. I had to listen to him blab about you through the whole brake. And me who thought that was my time to get rid of you. Tsk tsk" Harry watched him in amusement and once again pulled out his tongue. "Funny. Well, now that you´re here, I might as well pass on the opportunity. Gryffindor is having a party this weekend. You should come. It´s a unity party, so there will be all three schools and all houses invited. It´ll be fun. I even think Seamus managed to get hold of some butter-beer." Harry smiled at him and then turned to leave. "Well, thanks and all but I gotta go! I´m supposed to meet up with Hermione and Ron and watch his brothers putting their names in the cup." They waved good bye and Draco sat down on the bench behind him. He didn´t know if he should go to the party. Both Kyle and Harry would be there. It was really risky. But then again. Blaise and Pansy would most definatly go. And if there were butter beer there, if was a risk one of them got drunk and revealed Draco secret. So, to prevent them to do that, he was obligated to go. Okay. That´s a good excuse. If not for that, seeing Harry was a reason enough. So that´s that. Draco Malfoy was going at a party.

**So, yeah hello again. I´m sorry if this was messy, but I wrote half of this while having **_**the**_** meanest hangover of my life. Though I got a lot of inspiration last night. The hickey scene for instance was from yesterday. My gf made **_**five**_** hickeys covered all over me from my neck to my boobs. Insane woman that one. Anyways. Happy new year and all that crap 3 Rewiev and all – makes me happiest :D**


	8. Party

**Party time ! I promise I will be faster with the updates this year! Now, read! :D**

* * *

"Wow. This certainly isn´t butter beer." Pansy said, taking a sip from the cup she had been handed. Draco did the same wrinkling his nose in disgust.  
"Nope. Definably not. This taste like dragon-pee. Fucking burns." He said, rubbing his throat to ease the burn. "Well, that´s because it´s fire whiskey you dumpty's". Both Draco and Pansy turned around and watched as Seamus staggered towards them with blind steps. It looked like he was walking on an invisible stair. He was stepping on thin air, and then letting his foot fall down to the floor, almost falling down in the process. Draco raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were bringing butter beer" He said, taking another sip of his whiskey. Seamus took a couple of more steps towards them, intruding on both their personal spaces. He leaned in close to their faces, and blinked a couple of times. "Well mate, it so happens that I got some good contact, alright? Good. Now drink up. Enjoy yourselves!" He said, wobbling away from them again. Pansy watched after him with both awe and disgust. "Well, he is a Gryffindor, and a slob. But man do I love a guy with an accent." Draco watched her as she followed Finnegan into the crowd. Unbelievable. Half a glass of fire whiskey and she goes of chasing Gryffindor´s. He rolled his eyes and sunk down into the nearby sofa. In the end there was a couple in fifth year making out. Draco turned around in disgust and took a gulp of his drink. It wasn´t as disgusting and strong like before. He had numbed his senses. He took another gulp and relished in the way his end started spinning. Everything seemed so much funnier. The red carpet, the red pillows and the golden lion roaring on the wall. A knocked over glass and a sticky wand. It was hilarious. He felt a laugh bubble up inside him. All his senses told him not to. It wasn´t healthy sitting by your own and laughing at sticky wands. This thought however only made him want to laugh even more. And so he did. He laughed and he drank, then laughed a little more, than drank a lot more. Then suddenly he was face to face to Harry. Draco had apparently risen from the sofa and taken a seat at the end of the room, next to the lion covered wall. Harry leaned a little closer to Draco, though kept his distance. He looked at him with a thoughtful look. "Why is it. That you go from being nice, to then suddenly become a complete asshole?" Potter slurred at Draco while giving him an intense look of curiosity. Draco blushed faintly at his gaze and momentarily lost his ability to speak "I-I´m not an asshole." He stuttered lamely.

Harry didn´t seem to think that was an acceptable answer so he got to his knees and crawled closer to him with unsteady arms. When he reached Malfoy´s legs, he crawled over them so that he had his hands on either side on Malfoy´s thighs, and leaned in close to him, having lost his sense of distance after his third glass of fire whiskey.

Draco on the other hand wasn´t as drunk and was well aware of how close Potters face was to his. Had he taken just one more glass he would have leaned forward to meet him and not backwards as he did now, with a nervous whimper.

"Well, actually, you kinda are, Malfoy." Potter maintained matter-of-factly with a dopey look on his face. That together with his drunken blush and his ruffled hair that stuck out in the most ridiculous directions made him the most adorable creature Draco had ever laid eyes on. He hummed quietly and hoped it was enough of a retort, because he had completely forgotten what Potter had said but decided it wasn´t of utmost importance since he would rather continue his admiration.

Harry watched Malfoy curiously as he tried to remember what they had been talking about. Had Malfoy said something? Was that a hum? What does ´hum´ mean?

Potter´s hair was slightly flatter on one side as if he had lied on the floor at some point during the evening. Draco´s fingers ached to reach up and ruffle it and when Potter didn´t crawl back but stayed as he was, with his knees and hands on either side of Draco´s legs, swaying slightly as he tried to maintain his leaning position, that was exactly what he did.

Harry snorted inwardly at his own stupidity and inability to handle alcohol. He tried to focus his sight enough to see if Malfoy was as drunk as him. Pfft. Of course not. Perfect as always. Just look at that hair! Not a single straw is out of place! The only hint that he was even slightly affected was the faint blush that covered his cheeks. Bet he isn´t forgetting what to say. Asshole... Oh! Now he remembered. He had been asking why Draco had raging mood swings all the time. He smiled triumphantly and slurred: "And I was just wondering"...

Draco´s hand reached for the irresistible hair and ruffled it gently as he studied the green eyes that watched him with a mixture of astonishment, puzzlement and fascination. He could almost hear the gears turning in his head trying to get the drunken brain to function. He looked like a child trying to solve a difficult puzzle but still he didn´t seem to be fully aware of what was actually going on. He seemed to realize his mouth was still open in result of not having ended his sentence, so he closed it, swallowed and opened it again. " … why do you think that is?" His brows were furrowed into a bemused frown and his head was tilted slightly to the side. He sounded like he was dissatisfyingly confused and that he was genuinely keen about the answer.

"I-I don´t know." Draco said, feeling the urge to lean forward and kiss Harry with every fiber of his body. But he couldn´t. He just couldn´t do that. He would ruin everything they had. Everything he had worked for this pass four years. – To be Potters _friend_. There wasn´t anything else possible. Draco was gay and Harry wasn´t . It was simple really, so why was he so stupidly stubborn? Why hang on to the only thing you _can´t have?_ Draco stood up abruptly and the tension that had been floating in the air was suddenly released. He swayed a bit when standing straight so he leaned forward to stop the spinning in his head. He looked down at Harry. Draco wanted to cry only by watching him. There was so much he wanted to tell him. So much he wanted to do. Everything from holding his hand to kissing his lips, his neck, his chest and… God. He couldn´t stay here. He needed to find something, _someone_ to distract him. To take away the never ending rejection he knew was inevitable. He stumbled across the crowd, bumping into random people. There were voices everywhere. Voices he knew, voices he didn´t know. French voices, Scandinavian voices, English voices and… Kyle. Kyle was here. "Draco! I´ve been looking for you. You have been avoiding me haven´t you?" Draco could see he was drunk, even drunker them himself. That was good, then maybe he wouldn´t remember what Draco was about to do in the morning. He leaned in close to Kyle ear, pressing their bodies together, and taking him by his shoulders. "Be my distraction, Kyle. Please. I need you. Take me away. Take… Take _me._ Do what you want, just make me feel something else. " Before Draco had even put his heals down to the floor again, he was jerked through the crowd again, and he followed blindly, holding on to the firm hand that was pulling him along. It felt good. He needed this. He blinked once, twice. Then they were gone. Everything was black and there was nothing but the sound of their breathing and the muffled sound of people and music somewhere. Draco shut the sounds of, only _feeling_. He felt the breath against his neck, felt the hands on his chest. Felt the presence of another person. "Oh, Draco. I missed your body." He was pressed against a wall. It was hard and solid and rough. It scratched his exposed back but he didn´t care. He like the way it burnt his skin. Like that Kyle held him a bit too roughly to be pleasant, like the way he Kyle´s teeth sunk into his neck. "Just don´t talk." He pleaded. He didn´t want to hear the dark French voice. He just wanted to _feel._ Kyle understood. He ripped of his shirt, and threw it away. It disappeared in the darkness.

Soon Draco felt a naked chest against his own. He pressed them together, and Kyle growled in appreciation. He was pulled up against the wall. His lean legs wrapped around Kyle´s waist. He felt the rough kisses along his chest, felt his warm tongue and his teeth biting his nipple. He could feel Kyle´s erection swell against his ass. Rubbing against his jeans and felt how his grounding got fiercer. His back was repeatedly rubbed against the brick wall, his skin torn and beautifully sore. He felt his pants being undone, and felt a warm hand wrap around his dick. He felt so close. But he wasn´t ready. He wasn´t ready to leave yet. He wanted more. He didn´t want to go back out there. Didn´t want to see that face. "Wait. More. It´s not enough. I want to _feel_. I want pain. Make it painfully slowly." Draco whimpered. Kyle moaned I return, letting Draco down on the ground again. He felt a hand to his ass. It was rough and warm. He felt it rub against his cheeks, grab and squeeze. He felt his pants dropping to the floor, and he was standing in his boxers only. More naked skin against him, Kyle had followed and dropped his own. His erection was even more noticeable now. He could feel it rubbing against his stomach. The hands on his ass grew bolder and fiercer, moving lower and for the second time in Draco life Kyle´s fingers slipped between his cheeks. He felt it rub his hole and it felt weird. But he knew what would come. And he knew it would hurt. "Do it. " He panted and Kyle wasted no time and pulled his finger inside. Draco felt the pain, felt the stretch and the fullness. His finger was dry and his ass tight, it was just as painfully slow as he wanted it. It was perfect. He didn´t feel anything, he had forgotten everything. There was only the pain and him. He felt the tears run down his cheeks, and drip down his chin, felt sob in his chest and he let it out. A second finger was added, it was for too early, but he let it in. It felt like he was being ripped apart from the inside. He found the warm lips, found the tongue and the teeth. He wanted it all. He felt the pain in every poor in his body. But then suddenly he could see. He wasn´t only feeling. There was light and shapes. He blinked. It was a shape of a human. It was Harry. He could hear the voices. There was words. Swearwords in French and words in English.

"_Uhm why are you kissing you cousin?_

* * *

When Draco woke up the next morning he had ended up on a couch in the Gryffindor common room. He wasn´t alone though, as there was many other from different houses and schools lying across the room. Spread out on an armchair and even lying on the floor, using each other as pillows. It was quite dishoureble, but somehow it didn´t seem to matter. He groaned as he tried to remember how he got here last night. And groaned even louder when he remembered. He had been seen. Harry had seen him with Kyle. He had had that dopey look on his face asking why he was making out with his own cousin. Fucking hell. He shouldn´t have lied about that. Then Draco had ran. Away from Kyle, and away from Harry. And away from his clothes… Wait. He looked down. Indeed, he was wearing nothing but his boxers. There was, however a blanket placed on him. It was warm and cozy and comfortable. And it smelt divine. He took another sniff, but soon realized it was pretty weird lying in a Gryffindor couch smelling some random person's blanket. He should go up and find his clothes. He stretched and suddenly felt a pain in his back and arse. He moaned. Fucking hell. He threw his legs over the couch but immediately threw them up again as he as met by a soft surface and a yelp of pain. "OUCH! Don´t step on me!" A head appeared from the floor and made itself visible for Draco. It was messy and sleepy eyed. Potter. Of course. Of all the people. "I´m sorry. I just need to find my clothes." He said, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Harry did the same and shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Oh, I´ve got them here. I didn´t want to put them on last night. You know, I didn´t want to go all touchy on you when you was half unconscious. Especially not after your cousin… you know, was taking advantage of you and all. And when I said that you should at least put you shirt on, you said it hurt. So I Put a blanket over you so you wouldn´t freeze. "He picked up the clothes from under a table and tossed them at Draco. Draco rubbed his head in confusion. Potter really did talk a lot. "Wait, what? Taking advantage?" He asked, looking at Harry´s surprised face. "Well, yeah. I mean. I thought it was one of those, ehm. Incest rape kind of things. Oh god. Did I just say that. Shit I´m sorry. I´m still fucking drunk. This is unbelievable. "He shook his head and leaned his head to the seat of the couch. "Oh. God. No! He isn´t my cousin and he didn´t rape me! I was doing it willingly!" Draco exclaimed, horrified of the bare thought of it. Harry looked up at him again, this time with question in his eyes. "But. You were crying, and –and. You back were all torn up and you were bleeding". He rambled, looking confused as ever. Draco almost wanted to pat him on the head. But he managed to chuckle amusedly and slightly hysterically. I´m telling you, he didn´t rape me. I wanted it. "Draco assured him making Harry even more confused. "Y-you wanted to make out with your cousin?" He said, his face slightly disgusted. "He´s _not_ my cousin. " He said again and waited for the question he knew was coming. "But you said!" Harry stuttered.

Draco rolled his eyes at him. "I _lied_! I just didn´t want to tell you I was gay for merlin´s sake!" Harry stopped still. His eyes were wide and surprised. Draco was still to. He was waiting. He was watching Harry like he was an animal about to attack. Should he run for it? Should he just be still and make no sudden movements? Should he say something? Harry opened his mouth, his eyes turning slightly offended. "You lied to me? Why would you do that?" He crossed his arms, looking angry. It was adorable and Draco wanted to laugh out loud in relief. He did. "Of all the things I said, me lying to you was the most outrageous thing? God, you´re such a Gryffindor. " Draco said, rolling his eyes once again. Harry´s eyes soften and he smiled crookedly. "Well, I see no offense in being gay Malfoy. Lying on the other hand is an awful crime." Then his smile faltered. "Did you really think I would mind? Do I seem like a narrow-minded person? You don´t have to lie to me about that kind of stuff. But I understand if you wasn´t ready to tell people. But I promise I will not tell a soul! " He raised his hand as if defending himself, then lowered them and placed them on Malfoy´s shoulders. "Just don´t lie to me again. It´s not cool. If we are going to do this friend-thing, there are rules. And no lying is among them. Okay?" He said, searching Draco´s gaze. The blonde nodded and smiled. "So we are friends then?" He said, barley containing the smirk that was growing on his lips. Harry did the same and let his hands fall to his sides again. "Yeah, I guess you dream from last year came true after all." He said, grinning slightly. "Merlin help us all. This won't end well. "

* * *

**Hey there fellow readers! Hope you like this! It´s a bit shorter than the last one, I´m sorry. But I really wanted to post this right away. So please tell me how you liked it and what you wish to happened. You don't know how happy the rewievs make me. Even if they are few, they still make me glow up inside and I get all giggely and writeactive. Love you all 3 **


	9. Tears and Stolen kisses

"_Harry Potter?" _

The deep tremor voice of Dumbledore was sounding through the hall. Draco who hadn´t paid attention, suddenly snapped back to reality. A wave of voices went through the room. A mumble of confusion and infuriation. Dumbledore called Harrys name again, this time a little shaper then before. Harry stood up, slowly, and walked towards the headmaster. He looked absolutely horrified. His hands were closed in tight fists at his sides and his legs were shaking when he walked. When he reached the front of the room, he stopped in front of Dumbledore and took the little piece of parchment that the older man handed to him. Before he turned around Draco could see the look of utter fear in the green eyes and something stung in Draco´s chest.

Before he could stop himself he was standing up. "Wait! He can´t join! He´s only 14 years old for merlin´s sake!" Several heads was turned his way, looking bugged-eyed at him. Draco felt a tug at his sleeve, trying to pull him down again.  
"Calm yourself Draco." Pansy said, pulling a little harder at his arm.  
"No!" He said, jerking his arm back and taking a few steps away from her. He looked up at Harry who had freezed behind the headmaster, staring at Draco helplessly, begging for him to do…. Something. To stop embarrassing him? To stop him from walking into his death? Draco didn´t know. He looked around himself again, seeing all the faces staring at him, including the teachers. There was nothing he could do. He watched as Potter turned around, slowly following the same path the other champions had gone, disappearing from view.  
Dumbledore stepped towards his stand, clearing his throat and looking out over the people."You may leave. Off to bed." He mumbled, shooing them away with his hands. He seemed a bit out of it, which probably was true, seeing as this wasn´t the time for bed, given the fact that it was only 6 pm. Nonetheless, the students started going out from the hall, whispering with each other gossipy. He saw Hermione and Ron among them. Granger looked worried while Weasley seemed very put out. Draco could only guess it was because his best friend had been sent to his death. But he wasn´t sure.  
"Come on Draco, we´re leaving." Pansy said, grabbing his arm again. Once again, Draco shrugged her of, only having eyes on Dumbledore who was currently having a heated conversation with Professor moody and Severus. When all the students were gone, Draco walked over to the teacher´s table and stopped in front of Dumbledore.  
"Professor Dumbledore. I would like a word." He said, as politely as he could. Which wasn´t that easy considering the current state he was in. Dumbledore turned around, eyeing Draco warily but then nodded shortly.  
"Of course, Mr. Malfoy." He said, letting out a deep, heavy sigh. He suddenly looked a hundred years older.  
"I just wanted to make sure you won't let Potter compete. I mean, no disrespect, but it´s just incredibly idiotic in itself. You just explained the rules a few minutes ago. No one under the age of 17 is to compete, and here you are, calling the name of a fourth year!" Draco said, having lost his composed voice and turned to his distressed one. He couldn´t help it. He was just so afraid and angry that Dumbledore could allow this. The headmaster bowed his head gloomily and shook it slowly then took another exasperated sigh.  
"Believe me Mr. Malfoy, I´m the last one that would want Mr. Potter to compete. I care for him more than you would know. But I´m afraid there are complications. If the goblet chooses a name, it cannot be undone. There may be consequences much worse than the tournament itself." Dumbledore shook his head again, and patted Malfoy on the shoulder as he stood there speechless. There really wasn´t anything he could do. He turned around slowly and without even saying goodbye to the headmaster, he walked out of the hall, and down the corridors. When reaching the dungeons, he mumbled out the password and stepped inside.  
It felt so unreal. Everything around him felt distant. The next thing he knew, he was lying in his bed, staring up at the bed curtains. It was just so unfair. Why did this kind of stuff always happen to Harry? Like he didn´t already have a fucked up life. His parents were dead, and he had been living with his awful uncle and aunt his entire life. Then he came here, and the first thing he was greeted with first year was someone trying to kill him. Same thing the year after. And last year he found out he had a murderer for a godfather and he had a million dementors tormenting him on daily basis. And now he was in a fucking tournament that would most likely send him to his death.  
_Fuck_! Draco kicked the bottom board of his bed in frustration. He felt angry tears triple down his cheeks and didn´t even bother to wipe them away. He didn´t know why he was crying. Harry should be the one to cry. But Draco bet that he wasn´t lying alone in his bed bawling his eyes out. That made Draco cry even more. The fact that Harry had been through so much and still was so strong. Draco had only seen him cry once, and he knew that Harry was ashamed of that still. He knew that he hated to be seen vulnerable. He had seen him bite back his sadness so many times since then, forcing everything to burst out again. It was sad to see. So Draco cried for him. It felt stupid. Draco felt stupid. He didn´t know why he felt the need to cry for Harry expanse, why he felt so extremely devastated for his sake. He sat up on the bed, feeling silly. He wiped his tears off and mentally told himself he was being a sissy. He wasn´t some Hufflepuff for crying out loud. Neither was he a Gryffindor, but still he felt like he should do the brave thing for once. He should take action. Not lying in his bed thinking that would make any difference. He needed to do _something_.

* * *

"Harry, are you sure you are alright? We don´t want to leave you alone like this."

Hermione was sitting in front of Harry, who was standing in the portrait hole on his way out, with his invisibility cloak stuffed under his arm. She had been nagging at him since he got back from the champion meeting and he had had enough. He had been assuring her for the past hour that he was alright, but she wouldn´t listen. So he was fleeing. Taking refuge underneath his cloak. He threw it above his head, and closing the portrait-door in her faces after nodding in affirmation for the millionth time. He ran down the stairs, not really knowing where he was heading, and when he reached the bottom of the stairs he crashed into something. He fell down on the ground, letting out a loud grunt in pain as he hit the floor. He sat up quickly, making sure he was still hidden underneath the cloak, and then looked who he had crashed into.

"What the hell!? Who´s there!?"

Malfoy. The blond boy was standing in front of him, oblivious that Harry was standing right in front of him, staring at him in surprise. Harry felt strange all of the sudden. Somehow, this was just what he needed. He didn´t need Hermione or Ron. Didn´t want to hear Dumbledore's apologies or his classmates cheering for his victory. He didn´t want to see the dark look in Ron´s eye or hear his blaming. He wanted Malfoy. Before he could process any of his thoughts, he had grabbed hold of Draco´s wrist, and dragged him along as he ran out of the castle and pass the hills. Draco was yelling, afraid to death by the looks of it, thinking some unknown force was taking him away. Harry looked to the side, towards Hagrid´s hut, and saw that it was lit. If Draco didn´t stop yelling they would both be caught. They weren't supposed to be out at this hour. He took a stop, and threw the cloak over Draco´s head as well and grabbed him by his shoulder´s looking him in the eyes. The cloak was letting out a slight shimmer or light so Harry could see the outline of Draco´s face, and also the shine of his eyes. They almost looked like they were the color of silver in the shimmer for the cloak.

"Shut up Malfoy, It´s me." He said. Waiting for the blondes eyes to change into recognition. When they did, Harry immediately took up his run again, sprinting the little bit that was left to the lake side. When they were there, he sat down on the bridge, the cloak still covering both of them. He scooted the fabric down from their head, so it was only covering their backs, hiding them from any intruder coming from the back. He turned his head and looked at Malfoy. They started at each other for a long while, not saying anything. A billion of emotion flashing through their faces. Fear, sadness, understanding, helplessness. Truth was Harry wasn´t okay. He felt horrible. He felt tired and wary. He just wanted to run away and never come back. Draco blinked, making Harry aware of the silence that was surrounding them. He smiled tiredly at him.

"Hi." He said. Draco smiled too, his eyes glistering in the dark.

"Hi, you. " He replied, finally releasing their eye contact and looking away with a chuckle.

"You scared the shit out of me, just so you know. " Harry bowed his head and laughed as silently as he could.

"Sorry." He said. "I just needed to …" He trailed off, looking at Draco again, searching for words. He couldn´t find any. Draco smiled understandably. Suddenly Harry noticed that his eyes were a little red in the corners, and that his lips were a little puffy as if he had bitten on them. It looked like he had cried. He frowned worriedly.

"How are you? Are you alright?" He asked.

Suddenly Draco started laughing. He started out chuckling, and then it turned out into hysterical laughter. He was chipping for breath and tears were running down his cheeks. Then suddenly a sob escaped him, and he started crying and laughing in turns.

"I´-i´m s-sorry." He sobbed, trying to wipe away the tears though only erupting new ones. "Y-y-you s-s-hould be the one c-crying. N-not me. And _I _should be a-asking you if you are o-okay. " He stuttered. Harry looked at him, surprised at the sudden outburst. He hadn´t expected this. But somehow it was refreshing seeing someone so collected burst into tears. For _him._

"No, it´s okay." He said, stroking Draco´s back soothingly, only making him cry harder.

"_No! _It´s not o-okay. It´s so..so _unfair._ This always happens to you. It´s just so sad and. Fuck. I´m just so angry! And here you are. Asking _me _If _I'm_ okay. It´s just so… s-so freaking ridiculous and sick. You been through so much and still you never stop and think about yourself. You are so unselfish it´s killing me. " Draco placed his face in his hands, trying to calm himself down while Harry watched him.  
"Draco, if you don´t stop crying I will have to do something drastic." Harry said with a chuckle. He didn´t want Draco to be sad for him. He wanted to make him laugh or at least smirk. Draco lifted his head and held his breath, looking at Harry. He took a couple of deep breaths, only to fall back into tears again. Harry did the first thing that came into his mind. He leaned forward and kissed the blonde straight on the lips. It wasn´t passionate but brief and short like a pat on the back. When he leaned back again, he made a slight grimace then looked into the deadpanned face of Draco. He had stopped crying which made Harry smirk in success.  
"Told you I would make you stop." He said with a chuckle. What he wasn´t prepared for was what happened next. Draco woke up from his frozen state of mind and suddenly sat up on his knees in front of him, staring accursedly at Harry.  
"Why the hell would you do that?! Is this some kind of joke to you? Am _I_ a joke to you? Huh? "Draco screamed and then pushed Harry away from him and rose from his kneeling position and ran away. Harry watched him as he disappeared over the hills and into the castle and wonder what he did wrong. It might have been a bit uncalled for. Draco did have a relationship after all. At least if that one time in the closet was any indication. And Harry had kind of taking advantage of the fact that Draco was gay and used it as a joke. It wasn´t a nice thing to do. Neither was the fact that he had used something as intimate as a kiss to prove a point. He suddenly felt very bad. God he was such a fool.

* * *

Draco was lying in his bed; his curtains pulled closed around him and his friends somewhere down in the common-room. They had yelled after him when he had burst into the dungeons and ran passed them, but Draco didn´t answer. He was so humiliated and embarrassed. The way Harry had kissed him, like it was nothing. Like it was a joke, it had torn Draco apart. And the face Harry had made after pulling away had shattered his heart into pieces. Displeasure. Disgust. _FUCK!_ Draco pulled at his hair as a sob escaped his chest. It was painful and it burnt his very being. He was nothing but a joke to Harry. He had used the fact that he liked guys as a fucking… Diversion! And then he had laughed right in his face! Draco felt another sob escape him. His heart was still pounding in his chest. It had been ever since Harry had edged closer to him. Ever since he felt his soft lips against his own. How many times hadn´t he dreamt and imagined that very moment? And now it had been ruined. He reached a hand up to his lips and touched it gently. The kiss had only lasted for less than two seconds, but Draco could still feel and taste it. His lips burned and ached. Draco had never felt this lonely. He lied down, burrowing his face into the pillows and waited for sleep. He refused to cry. He would never do it again. That also had been robbed from him as Harry had used his moment of vulnerability and made a fool of him. He bit his tongue and gripped the sheets to contain his feelings, and that´s how he fell asleep, filled with emotions he was now afraid of showing.

* * *

**Hullo! Hope you liked this! Or... Well. Hope you didn´t, actually, it wasn´t meant to be something that made you happy. But anyway, review and tell me! :D**


	10. Fight, Make up, Make out

**Hey! I´m soooo sorry that I took so long. But my sertralin (my medications) ran out about a week ago and havn´t gotten hold of my doctor and I´ve been feeling like shit. My head been spinning and my heart beating like crazy. Not to name the general anxiety attacks**. **I hope this chapter makes up for my stupidity. 3 **

* * *

"Draco, come on, just let me talk for a second!"

"I have nothing to say to you. Please stop following me you incompetent fool of a Gryffindor."

"_I_ have something to say to _you_. If you would just stop and _listen_ for once in your life! Stop being a girl, and talk to me."

Draco drew to a halt, his eyes narrowing at Potter´s words. The sudden stop made Harry bump into him and Draco turned around, pushing him back again and then looked the Gryffindor in the eyes with a furiously cold glare. He did _not_ appreciate being called a girl. Who the hell did he think he was saying such a thing in this situation?

"WHAT, Potter!? _What_ do you want, exactly? To say you´re sorry? To beg for forgiveness on your knees like the foul and loathsome cockroach you truly are? Hm? You know what; you can kiss my fucking ass!"

He turned around again and started walking away with furious steps, his fists clenching at his sides. He heard Harry behind him letting out a growl of frustration.

"Yeah, you would like that, wouldn´t you!?" He yelled then closing his mouth abruptly, realizing his words.

Draco drew his wand faster than light itself and strode furiously back at the black haired boy, aiming at him right between his eyes.

"_What the fuck did you just say_" He hissed venomously, seeing the horrified look in the green eyes.

"Shit. I-I'm sorry, I didn´t mean it!" Harry said, regret filling his eyes.

Draco didn´t care though. He saw red. He glared coldly at him, a snarl of loathing decorating his face making him look like a tiger about to attack.

"_You disgust me_". He spat, and then raised his wand, a hex playing on his lips.

"Hey!? What´s going on here?"

Draco´s wand was disarmed and flying into the hand of McGonagall who was walking towards the two boys with a stern look on her face. Draco tore his gaze away from the boy in front of him and fixed it on his professor, his features somewhat softening but still looking bitter.

"Nothing Professor, we were just having a little chat. " He dead-panned sending an impassive glance at Potter and was met with a wan expression. "We were just done, so if you don´t mind I will be leaving." He said, reaching his arm out to retrieve his wand again.

McGonagall looked skeptical at first, but then handed him the wand.

"You two are unbelievable. Never a quiet moment since the first time I saw you. I really thought you had grown up enough to get passed this rivalry. But I guess some things never change." She muttered. Draco turned to leave, but casting a last withering look on Harry before he left.

"I guess not."

A month had passed since Draco and harry had spoken and the champions were now preparing for the first task. Draco was uncomfortably on edge. He didn´t want to admit it or even think it, but he knew he was afraid of the outcome of the task. He had heard rumors circulating about the task and apparently it had something to do with Dragons. Draco couldn´t help but be infuriated at that. Who the hell brings dragons into a school for the students to fight with? But, if one were to look at life at the bright side, which Draco tried to do, you could appreciate the fact that Draco had now left his suffocating closet for good. Yes. He had come out. To everyone. Well, actually it was more like he gave Pansy permission to blab about it. And when Pansy gossips, the entire school knows by the end of the week, and the only thing Draco did to contribute was to not deny it when people asked him. So, Draco was now openly gay and it was very liberating. There had been a few looks both of appeal and disgust but mostly indifference. People didn´t much care of such matters now when the tournament was just around the corner. The only one that had shown a rather annoying amount of attention was Potter. He had been following him around, saying "I´m sorry" at every opportunity he got. Draco acted like he didn´t care, be even he knew that he had started to relent to the constant apologies.

Draco had to admit it was very bold indeed to be spending so much time apologizing when he should be off finding something useful for his first task. He was a bit annoyed with Harry for that. So he constantly told him to bugger of and do something useful instead. But apparently Harry didn´t understand it was his way of saying that he wasn´t worthy his time and that practicing for his task was much more important. Stupid Gryffindor's, being incapable of reading between the lines. Then again, it would be so much easier to just forgive him. But Draco was still mad at him, and disappointed. And there wasn´t a day that went pass that he didn´t feel incredibly humiliated and embarrassed. He just wasn´t ready to forgive him yet. Every time Draco saw him, or heard his voice, the searing and devastating kiss tore him apart, and Potter´s words even more so. Though he also knew that he was in the very same situation Harry had been in last year, and that he had forgiven Draco. He wasn´t about to compare which of the thing they had said was the most unforgivable, but it still nagged at the back of his mind.

It wasn´t until the very last second, that guilt took the best of Draco and he finally stepped forward and talked to Harry. It wasn´t exactly a conversation of forgiveness, but more of a… acceptance or understanding. It was short and brief. Partly because Draco didn´t want to appear to soft, but also because he only had about one minute before Harry had to go off fighting a Dragon. Yes, it really was in the last possible second. He had sneaked inside the champion's tent; right after Hermione had sneaked outside. Three of the champions had already caught their eggs, and that left Harry alone in the tent.

When he stepped inside, Harry was pacing the small area, his hands frantically brushing through his hair. Draco slowly approached him and when Harry didn´t notice him he softly but determinedly cleared his throat.

Harry immediately turned around, ending his pacing and looking bugged eyed at Draco. There were a couple of awkward minutes before Draco finally spoke, his voice proud and almost business-like. He cleared his throat again.

"I just wanted to tell you to try not getting burnt to death. It would be quite boring and lonesome not having you hanging around my heels, constantly begging me for forgiveness."

Harry stood still, dumbfounded and then a small smile started creeping at his lips.

"Just know I still hate you, bitch." Draco dead-panned wiping away the smile on his face and then bowed his head and turned to leave, a smirk playing on his lips, unseen by the fourth champion.

* * *

"What so are you two okay now or what?"

Pansy was sitting in front of Draco, impatiently drumming her fingers on the table, obviously torturously keen for the answer. Draco gave her an indifferent look, studying his nails impassively and shrugging slightly.

"Who knows." He said.

Pansy rolled her eyes and let out a frustrated sound.

"Indeed. You two have been fighting and getting back to being friends a million times. You had to be all knowing to keep track of the never ending quaffle-throwing between the two of you." She muttered and scooted down further into her armchair with a gruff pout.

"Well, at least you must be happy that he made it pass the dragon?"

"Oh, yes. Now I don´t just have him at my heels, trying to get my forgiveness but his millions of fan girls running after him. It´s a dream come true. It´ll be like a train ride in the corridors. Toot, toot." He mumbled, casting a noncommittal glance at Pansy before getting up from the sofa and leaving her snorting in front of the fire.

Draco knew she was right though. He and Harry did have quite an up and down friendship. IF you could even call it that. It had always been that way with them, and it would probably stay that way. It was a part of their charm after all.

* * *

"Would you pass me the frog eyes please. "

"Why, yes, I would Malfoy, if you would stop avoiding mine." Harry said, being tired of the lack of eye contact from the blonde.

Draco raised his gaze, looking at Harry somewhere between his eyes, with a grim expression.

"I can´t do that." He said tensely.

"And why is that?" Harry asked.

Draco was quite for a long while, looking somewhere behind Harry´s head.

"I just love tormenting you, is all." He said and grabbed the frogeyes from Harry´s hand, and walked to his own cauldron.

Truth was Draco choose not to look Harry in the eyes because it caused him actual physical pain. It hurt looking into the eyes of which would never be his. The green eyes, being so innocent and unknowing, it was torture. But he also restrained to look at him because he didn´t know if he would be able to keep _himself_ at bay if he did. The bare thought of those green eyes made his heart flutter madly and his mind to provide images of Potter´s lips against his own. He would have to have a great amount of self-control to restrain from that. Not to say that Draco didn´t have that. Just that he didn´t want to push his luck. He felt Harry watching him from behind, but did not turn around. He didn´t have the energy to deal with him at the moment.

Snape was calling out to the call, informing them that class was over and that he wanted them out of his classroom. The students fled, not wanting to be victims of the potion master´s fury. Draco had to admit that he seemed a bit more grim than usual. He could only assume it was because of the incompetence of his fellows classmates. The real reason though, was revealed not one hour later.

* * *

Apparently there was going to be a ball. Draco huffed in annoyance at the word. It was ridiculous really. The following week would be insufferable. He could see it before him, how the girls would stay in tight groups, gossiping and giggling about who they wanted to ask them to go, begin too cowardly and pathetic to ask someone themself, letting the poor males do all the work. Then again, he knew things would be equally annoying on the boy´s end. Having to listen to his dorm mates go on about how they absolutely hated dancing and how they hated the very thought of a silly ball, when in reality they were all secretly looking for girl they wanted to ask seeing as going alone was a death sentence on its own. Draco resented bales. Not because he hated the dancing or the socialization. He quite enjoyed dancing, seeing as he over glowed everyone else with his skills. No, he hated it because it was all just for show. It was all just a status thing. Even more so now when there were champions involved. Everyone would want the champion to choose them to go, just because they wanted a shot of the honor. Draco could only imagine how many girls would be flocking around Harry, sucking up to him and fluttering their eyelashes at him. Jealously? Oh, no. Why would you imply such a thing? That´s absurd. Harry could go with whomever he wanted. Draco didn´t care.

"Ey, Draco, wait up!"

Draco, stopped, shrugging off the hand that was clutching his shoulder in a way at getting his attention. It was Kyle. He must have chased him and called for him for quite a while, seeing as he was panting and looking rather disgruntled. Kyle released his hold of his shoulder and smiled apologetically.

"Sorry." He said. "I just wanted to ask something." He stated, looking at Draco with anticipation in his eyes. As if waiting for a permission to continue. Draco raised his eyebrows and tried hard not to roll his eyes.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go on, I have better thing to be doing." Draco muttered bitterly when realizing he didn´t. He would probably just spend his day sulking in his bed.

"I wanted to ask you if you had someone to follow you to the ball."

Kyle was smiling now, looking excited, but Draco was quite distracted. Harry had walked pass and was now standing a few feet away from him, a couple of girl standing in front of him, looking at him hopefully.

"No, no one has, now if that was all I will be leaving." Draco said, waving a dismissive hand at Kyle and started to make his way towards Harry. Though he was once again grabbed by the shoulder with a slight chuckle from Kyle.

"Hey, wait up you, I wasn´t finished. You always was the slippery one, weren´t you." He continued making Draco huff impatiently and raising his eyebrows questionably at him, as if urging him on.

"Would you go with me?" He asked finally but to deaf ears. Draco had his gaze fixed on the two girls who was currently looking rather gloomy.

"Go where?" He asked absently.

Kyle leaned forward to Draco´s ear, taking the only thing he had left to attract the attention he wanted from the blonde. – Seduction. He blew softly, making Draco twitch in return and glare at the older boy but soon softened as Kyle edged slightly closer to him, unnoticeable to anyone watching them but incredibly obvious to the two boys. He gave Draco a slight brush of his lips along the shell of his ear.

"To the ball. Come with me. "He whispered then withdrew himself slightly.

Draco took a couple of stumbling steps backwards, huffing self-consciously while whipping his head around, seeing if anyone was watching them and quickly jerking it back when he saw that Harry was. Draco blushed but soon a plan was formulating in his mind. A childish and immature plan, but a plan none the less.

He edged closer to Kyle again, raising a hand to his face and placing it softly at the side of his neck, caressing the skin there gently.

"Yes, I will go with you." He whispered in a sharp tone, unnoticed by anyone else then the two of them. "But I´m doing this merely to make Potter jealous, so no silly illusions of us being back together, is that clear?" He said threatening, edging closer still, while uttering the words, making it look as if they were exchanging some less then appropriate suggestion to each other, then drew back slowly, watching the sly grin of Kyle.

"Sounds fair to me!" He said, happily complying with Draco´s cunning if it meant for him to participate in something Potter-related.

Draco rolled his eyes discreetly, and then gave Kyle a sharp look.

"Now kiss me on the mouth, quickly!" He demanded with a hiss, soon feeling the lips against his own. He closed his eyes as if enjoying the affair, though really not being able to stand the sight of the boy he was kissing. It wasn´t the right lips after all. But he endured and when the kiss came to an end, he smirked his sexiest smirk, like the hot lover he appeared to be then looked around himself again as if looking if someone was watching them, then grabbed Kyle´s wrist and dragged him around the corner and into an empty supply closet. He turned the lights on and Kyle immediately lunged forward, trying to claim his lips again but Draco stopped his, blocking him with his arm, and keeping him on a distant with a hand on his chest.

"No. Stay" He said with a roll of his eyes.

Kyle looked at him with confused eyes as Draco started unbuttoning his shirt to then buttoning it again, his button´s slightly off. Then he reached up for his hair, ruffling it madly then taking a step back to look at his work.

"Bite your lips." He demanded, and then began the same procedure with his own clothing, completing the fake-make-out-session façade. He gave Kyle one last look, then quirked his finger at him, signaling for him to come closer.

"Come here." He drawled, grabbing hold of the back of Kyle´s neck, pulling him closer, and then covering his lips at the side of his neck, biting and sucking at the flesh, creating a fresh and sexy looking love bite.

"There." He said self-satisfied. "I´m done. Now, you stay here for exactly one minute, and then you go outside, looking innocent, okay?" Draco explained with a stern expression then turned around, and walked out of the closet, leaving a confused Kyle behind.

Draco, never doing something half-heartedly, kept on his act to the very last second, sticking out his head behind the wall, as if looking if the "coast was clear" then revealed himself, brushing of his clothing and flattening his hair, making his way innocently pass Harry, pretending not to see him. Harry did see him though, perking up when he did, and running after him.

"Draco!" he called.

The blonde smirked, happy with his accomplishment and stopped to wait for Harry just down the corridor where Kyle was currently hiding.

"Oh, Potter, I didn´t see you behind the pack of fan girls, you should have one of those long flags along with you, saying "Help me, I´m being suffocated by this swarm of breast."

Harry rolled his eyes but smiled at the mockery. If Draco deemed someone worthy of his energy, even with insults, it meant he was willing to listen to whatever they had to say.

"ha-ha" He said, sticking out his tongue playfully. "Like you are one to speak." He said, an amused smile playing on his lips, motioning his head behind him, where Kyle was currently making his way out from the closest. He looked just as obviously innocent as Draco had told him to. He was pleased.

Draco only looked confusedly behind him, then back at Harry.

"I´m afraid I don´t know what you are implying." He drawled while studying his nails and mentally demanding Kyle to walk pass them. He did, not so discreetly brushing his hand along Draco lower back while making his way past them.

Harry snorted amusedly and raised his eyebrows suggestively. "Really, now? So I´m only imagining you both coming out from the same cupboard, and both looking even more ruffled then me?"

"I would say so, yes. You might enjoy being inhabitant in a cupboard, but I would never do something so disgraceful." He sniffed in a familiar Malfoy manner.

Harry could only smile further, not even taking offense by the insult.

"You mean you would never be _caught_ doing something so disgraceful." He said, smirking devilishly at Draco.

Draco only raised his eyebrows defiantly, once again studying his nails impassively.

"Whatever you deem most credible. I can´t really see any difference in the two, anyway." He drawled, only letting a small smirk make its way on his - what appeared to be newly snogged – lips.

"What does it matter to you anyway?" He asked, looking at Harry impassively.

Harry smirked.

"I wouldn´t want anyone else claiming those plump lips, now would I?"

Draco´s eyes narrowed to the point where they barely had any pupils left, staring at Harry finally with a glare deadlier then death itself. Potter returned the glare, though with a slightly more amused expression, almost challenging Draco to lash out at him. A foolish thing maybe, but this was the way their acquaintanceship worked.

Draco finally took a deep breath, as if calming himself, then while barely containing a snarl, opening his mouth to speak:

"Really now Potter, do you _want_ to die?" He spat, his hands clasping on his wand in a frustrated manner.

"Don´t flatter yourself Malfoy. I think, having survived a _real_ dragon; I can handle a petty _draco_". Harry said, pronouncing the blonde´s name with a slight French accent.

Draco watched him silently, suppressing any rash movements like strangling grips or wand stabbing.

"Did you come here just to mock me?" He said then with a strained voice laced with anger.

Harry gave him another challenging look then smile self-satisfied

"Actually, yes. I did." He said simply, not ashamed in the least.

Draco was just about to scream at him and tell him to fuck himself with a broomstick when Harry spoke again.

"I felt so incredibly suffocated behind all the screaming girls, irritating Hufflepuffs, who won't let me get away from the fact that I over shined them and their precious Cedric. I´m also immensely tired, and exhausted and I felt like I might explode by the lack of outbursts. I am the Gryffindor-golden-boy-who-lived after all and therefor need to keep everything locked inside me, and I couldn´t take it anymore. And If I´m not mistaken, you told me once that you would be there for any potential out lashing. You told me that you were the only one that has the balls to fight back and tell me to fucking get it together and to just let everything out. Now, if you don´t mind, I would love for you to just hit me. Or maybe curse me. Or at least say something that will make me incredibly mad and hate you forever, because that is so much easier to understand than everything else that is going on in my head."

Draco stared at the slightly shorter boy in front of him that was currently panting by lack of oxygen. They were both staring at each other, incapable of moving or talking but only stare at each other, somehow _understanding_ and _knowing_. It was like they were having a mental conversation, words transmitting through their eyes, furious and desperate green to stormy yet calming grey. After what seemed like hours or nothing at all, Draco grabbed hold of Harry´s wrist and pulled him along, just like he had done with Kyle not 15 minutes ago. He opened the very same closet, and lit the very same light, closing the door firmly behind them and pushing Harry against the wall, holding him in place by his shoulders. They stared at each other again, though shorter this time as Harry tiredly opened his mouth again.

"I thought you didn´t inhabit yourself in such disgraceful places." He murmured tiredly, almost hypnotized by the intense grey gaze that was fixed upon him. It looked as if the blonde were having some kind of mental debate with himself, his expression growing more alive by the second.

"I don´t. "He said curtly. " But I thought, being friends and all, I should at least accustom myself with the environment you found yourself in through your pathetic excuse for a childhood." His eyes dueled with the green ones that flashed angrily at his words. Harry was growing more and more desperate, though seeming unable to conjure the outburst he needed. His mouth was opening and closing, silent insults trying to make its way out. Draco watched him, though not being able to hear the words, still feeling so infuriated with the boy in front of him.

Truth was they both needed a way out. They both needed lashing out.

And so Draco closed the distance between them and pressed his lips angrily against Harry´s who stiffened at the rough handling but soon joined the battle, not wanting the blonde to win, not even when the battlefield was their mouths. Draco felt the joined force and complied with pressing Harry harder against the wall, and biting furiously on his lips.

Harry didn´t seem to like this, and therefore angrily raised his hands and placed them on either side of Draco´s face, holding his face up and kissing him angrily back and then moving them to the back of Draco´s neck and grabbing hold of the of the moonshine-colored hair with renewed force.

Draco felt the tugging of his hair and couldn´t help but let out a moan. He did like playing rough after all. But to hide the moan he immediately raised his own hands, grabbing hold of Potter´s firm biceps, letting out his suppressed anger into the muscled arm then biting his bottom lips roughly, making the other boys gasp in return.

Draco immediately pressed his tongue inside Potter´s mouth, letting it too, join the furious battle and fight for dominance. The sensation of the two tongues moving together made Draco´s legs quiver and his breath to become ragged and chipped. It felt amazing. He took a firmer hold of Harry´s arms, letting out his pleasure and turning it to pain for his counterpart.

This wasn´t what he wanted it to be, this was a way to help Harry let go of his everyday life. This wasn´t some token of their undying attraction towards each other. Because there was none. On Harry´s part that is. But, being the cunning and sneaking Slytherin he was, he took advantage of the moment. There might be no other opportunity for this, so why not make the best of it? He was in control of the situation now, so there would be no devastating outcome for this, and if it did, he had choose it. This was his doing and he would have to take the consequences.

He let his newborn feelings transforming into passion and put the effort and energy into the kiss. The kiss that Harry had currently taken control over, furiously still hesitantly biting at Draco´s lips, copying his actions as if trying something new. Draco heard him growl between his bites and whimpered slightly in return. This would be easy to just walk away from if Harry wasn´t such a good freaking kisser. Sadly he was, which was a mystery in itself seeing as he hadn´t had that many conquest to learn from. Draco let his nails dig into the flesh of Potter´s arms and hope it would make him end the torture of his lips. He did, but then to Draco chagrin moved back to his tongue and, more by accident than anything else, sucking on it heatedly.

Draco moaned deeply, his knees giving in and he stumbled backwards, crashing down on a row of boxes standing on the floor. Harry, apparently still having emotions left to get rid of, followed angrily and settled on top Draco´s thighs, yet again grabbing hold of his face and holding it firmly while pressing his lips roughly and almost painfully against Draco´s. Draco however, being slightly caught off guard by the recent event, felt his senses coming back and he became painfully aware of the slight movement of Harry´s hips. This was not, as Draco first blindly had hoped, a movement of lust and a way of seeking relief, but merely a disbalance of his legs, as he was hovering unsteadily on top of Draco without any support to prevent them to fall backwards.

He felt his erection starting to response to the friction and he bit his lips to prevent himself to whimper pathetically. This however made Harry unable to continue the kissing, and so immediately searching for a new place to destroy and devour with his sinful teeth and lips. This happened to be Draco´s throat. Firstly he merely let his lips brush along the skin, back and forth, seeming unsure of what to do with the unresponsive skin. This, unlike Draco´s lips, didn´t move to meet him or trying to claim the dominance. This made Harry utterly in charge and left to do whatever he pleased without another set of lips trying to fight back.

Teeth started scraping along the pulse line of Draco´s throat and made the blonde shiver with pleasure. He reached his hands up and slung them around Harry´s neck, holding himself upright while the other boy started biting and sucking at his skin. This however, made Harry tip slightly forward and by that, Draco falling backwards. Though before he could fall completely of the box, Harry had caught him, grabbing him by the hips and turning him around making him lying securely with his back along the boxer instead of across them. He then settled atop of Draco again, his knees between Draco´s legs and his arms on either side of his head. Seeing as this was a slightly uncomfortable position, Draco moved his legs up and placed them around Harry´s waist. This seemed to be the right thing to do, but in reality it only made things worse seeing as now the movements of Harry´s hips, now erupting from the effort of keeping Draco´s legs up, made Draco ever so aware of the growing erection in his pants.

Draco started to panic, though his senses slightly clouded from pleasure, he knew he could never sooth a situation including his boner over, and therefore, slowly and somewhat reluctantly , let his legs fall down again, and started to carefully sit up, Harry following his every move. When being upright, Harry had started to lazily kissing his lips again, only nibbling weakly on his lip, and slowly releasing the grip of Draco´s hair, seeming to be out of fuel. Draco thought of this being a perfect moment to end the whole thing, and reached a hand up to Harry´s chest, firmly pushing him away and standing up.

He gave him an once-over as if inspecting him then raised his eyebrows in a bored way.

"Now were even. Let´s call the diversion kisses to a stop in the future, shall we, because even if they seem to be quite effective, they piss me the fuck off." He drawled with effort. It was quite hard restrain himself from jumping back at the ruffled and slightly disorientated boy in front of him. His hair was an even greater mess then usually and his lips were puffy and red. And if you looked closely, you could see the marks from Draco´s finger on his arms. That would definably leave a bruise.

Harry looked up at him, watching Draco brushing of his clothing and fixing his hair. He seemed quite relaxed. So it had been a success then. Draco thought with a spark of pride flowing through him. He knew he was a quite good kisser, if Kyle was any trustworthy judge, which Draco deemed him to be seeing as Kyle had quite much experience in the matter. But he couldn´t help but being slightly smug at being able to distract a person so severely.

Harry nodded at him and stood up also.

"You look ridiculous." Draco stated, smacking his tongue in distaste.

"I would use your invisibility cloak when leaving, if I were you." He said, gesturing at Harry´s bag that was lying in the corner of the room, long forgotten.

Harry smiled sheepishly at him and then watched as the blonde made his way out of the dim-lit closet.

Before Draco had closed the door behind him he heard Harry whisper after him.

"Thanks, homo." He said, and Draco could hear the grin behind it.

"Fuck face."

"Asshole."

"Wand Wanker."

"Hah- good one."

"Thanks."

And then he walked away, a grin stuck on his face all the way to the dungeons.

* * *

**oooh, do you love me? oh baby do you neeed me?  
****HUh?! HUH? :D No but seriously did you like it?! :D I loved it. HAH. Well. Kind of. I kind of thought it was messy and shitty, but it was about time that bloddy make out session happened. It was like this - I have been thinking since I first started this story that I wont have any good stuff before they start 5th year. See, there is when all the good stuff happens, acording to my plan. But ... Now I havn´t updated in a while and I thought that I should have something juicy for you. Without it ruiening my general idea of the fic. :) You can thank me in reviews 3 It makes me incredibly happy when you do that. Makes me all squichy inside :D Love you **


	11. Slurred confessions

**Please read! – I am really sorry for my late update. I have felt like crap and I have been forced into the mental hospital for the last two weeks. I am feeling better now, havn´t harmed myself in almost a week now, and I can look ahead and see life again. I do hope you forgive me. Now when I´m feeling better and have nothing better to do here at the hospital - There might be more frequent updates. But I can´t promise anything. Please be patient with me. Love you 3**

* * *

When Draco arrived at the Slytherin common-room, Pansy was there, sitting in front of the fire and talking to a fifth year boy. Draco made his way to them, and sat down between him and Pansy, and by that, making the fifth year run away in fear of being touched by a homo.

"Nice cock blocking, Drake." She deadpanned then gave him a once over, as if noticing something.

"I thought you and Kyle were over?" She said, sounding uninterested, and gesturing to his apparently ruffled appearance.

Draco just looked into the fire, seeming subtlety uncaring of the subject as he studies his nails.

"This is not from Kyle, though."

"No?" Pansy asked, raising her eyebrows skeptically.

"No." Draco stated.

Pansy looked outraged, her uncaring act broken.

"Who is it from then? And why haven´t you told me this before? I thought we had agreed that you should tell me every guy you were with so that you could ask him for a potential threesome. Me included." She pointed at her chest and shot him a judging and disappointed look.

"It was from Potter. And I didn´t tell you seeing as I just got here but also because I doubt you would be wanting a threesome with him and I know for certain he doesn´t want one with you." He said, not flinching a muscle.

"_Potter?!"_ She shouted, making the whole common-room look there way, but a glare from Draco made them turn back to what there were doing, pretending not to listen.

"Yes. He needed to lash out. And I provided him with the best possible solution. – Make out session. That´s what I´m good for, being Potter´s rag he can rub of his dirt on, leaving them all dirty." Draco mumbled, his words tuning out as he realized how miserable he really was. But he didn´t show it, and mealy looked indifferently at Pansy.

The girl wasn´t so easily fooled though, she studied him for a couple of seconds and then she lunged for him.

"Oh, Drake. Come here you prick!" She strangled him in a tight hug, then pulled away and looked him in the eyes as she stroked her hand down his cheek.

"Why do you always make things so difficult for yourself? You realize you only getting hurt this way don´t you?" She said, looking at him with a sad look in her eyes.

Draco huffed at her and pushed her away.

"Lay off, Pans. I do not fancy him and therefore I haven´t done anything to difficult my situation. I used him to rid my boredom. That´s all. And I got a good make out session out of it. It was a win, win."

"Draco, we both know you would give up your wand to have another go at him. I thought you was past all the self-deceiving. I thought you were starting to be honest to yourself for once."

"Pans… Please, just let it go. Then maybe perhaps I can let go."

He gave the girl a pleading look. A look barley ever seen on the pale face. The girl shut her lips closed; biting down the words she was going to shoot at him. She gave him a pitiful look before she made her way to the girl's dormitories, leaving Draco alone to pounder his situation.

* * *

"Harry who are you taking to the ball then?" Ron suddenly shouted across the room from his bed. Harry jerked, and looked up at him; he had been wandering off in his own thoughts again.

"I don´t know. I don´t really fancy going actually." He mumbled and scratched his ear absently.

"What?!" Ron exclaimed, making both Hermione and Harry jump in surprise. "You can´t back out now mate, you can´t just leave me!"

Hermione rolled her eyes but then turned to Harry, giving him a stern look.

"Harry, you have to go, it´s obligatory for the champions to come, they have to initiate the first dance. The ball is made for your honor; it would be rude not to come."

Harry suddenly stood up from his bed, balling his hands into fists and looking angrily at them.

"I never asked for this! I don´t want the honor, why can´t anyone understand that?! And it´s not like I have someone to go with anyways! Sure there is all this stupid girls fawning after me, but I don´t want them, they are just so silly and they just want to be around me cause I´m a champion and I´m…. I´m just so freaking tired."

He let out a deep breath and then sunk down on his bed again, exhausted. He looked down into his lap feeling stupid for his outburst. He shouldn't let his anger go out on his friends, it wasn´t right. It wasn´t their fault his life was such a mess.

"I´m sorry, that was uncalled for. I´m just so sick of all this. I just want to be normal and not some hero or champion or the freaking boy who lived." He drew a hand through his hair and sighed. He was tired of apologizing.

"We know Harry, and I´m really sorry this happened to you, but this is how it is and you can´t just keep ignoring your duties."

"DUTIES!?" Harry snapped.

"I _know_ I have duties! I have had duties all my life! If not facing Voldermort it is duties at the Dursleys! Clean the house, or we´ll kick your ass! Kill Voldermort! Or you´ll die. Cook us dinner! If you don´t want to starve. Learn how to fight dementors! Because they seem to love you because you are some _fucking _ freak who had a fucked up life and that´s why they want you. Go back in time so you can save your only chance for a decent family only to realize that you failed and can never live with him because you fucked up. "

He felt his chest tighten and his lungs shrinking. He started to hyperventilate.

"A-and now, you tell me to do some f-fucking _dance_. I´m sorry, but I think that´s b-bullshit. I´m _DONE. No more._"

He looked up at his friends. Ron looked frightened and Hermione had tears in her eyes, her lip quivering.

"I-I´m so s-sorry. Ha-harry." She wiped her tears away and took a couple of deep breaths.

"We´ll work something out. You don´t have to go to the ball. I know, it must feel silly. Considering… Everything. I-I didn´t realize. "

She shook her head, lost for words. She looked at Ron who picked up the pace.

"Yeah, mate. We´ll fix something. I could pretend to be you. I wouldn´t mind being a champion for a night. Heh" He laughed nervously.

"RON! That´s a great idea!" Hermione exclaimed and clasped her hands together.

Ron gave her a skeptical look. "Yeah, sure Mione. Problem is I have red hair, freckles and I am about 2 feet taller than him."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I know silly, but as you may or may not recall, I have some polyjuice potion left since second year. We can just remove the hairs from Crabbe and Goyle, and put some of Harry´s in. It´s called recycling." She said, looking happier again.

"Is that even possible?" Ron asked.

Hermione signed. "Don´t you ever _read_, Ronald?"

"Well… No."

"Uhm. Second thought, I think it would be better for me to do this. You are far too stupid to be able to act the part."

"Am not!"

"Yes, you are. And you have no manners, and you are an open book. And you can´t dance."

"Harry can´t dance either!"

"Well, better then you at least. And you would be even worse considering the change of height; you would only stumble around, being used to having long legs. I on the other side am the same height as him. It´s common sense Ronald."

Harry watched his two friends with a bored expression.

"Are you two quite done bickering?" He signed, making them aware of his presence.

Hermione snapped his head at him, afraid he might have another outburst again.

"Oh, of course Harry, sorry. But does this sound okay to you? If I go in your stead you can just lay around here and rest. Or study for your potion essay. It´s due next Thursday you know.

"Yes, it sounds good. Thank you. And I´m sorry for yelling."

"It´s okay, Harry. We understand that you have a lot to deal with." She said softly.

"Wait… We have a potion essay?! Ron shouted, looked distressed.

Harry lied down on his bed again, shutting out the voices of the bickering that would most surely erupt any second. This was good.

* * *

_One week later – Night of the ball_

Draco walked down the stairs to the entrance hall. He looked fabulous, and he knew it. He had been working for several hours, sculpting his entire being into perfection. His hair was glowing and flowing and his face had gone through a carefully processed skin routine. He was flawless.

Well, not entirely true. There was one slight problem. He seemed to have grown a mutated abomination to his side. _Kyle._ He really didn´t want to go with him. But he had a plan. And he was going to follow it through to the end. And Kyle really acted the part. He was glued to Draco´s body, holding an arm around his waist and whispering things not meant for children's ears. The words went straight threw Draco, though. He was searching. Looking for that familiar flash of green. The messy hair and the awkward, self-conscious walk Harry always managed to do whenever a crowd was near. He couldn´t help but wonder how someone so awkward and unsecure person could be _such_ a ferocious and confident kisser. The way he takes control and the way he can make a completely collected and civilized Slytherin into nothing but a whimpering fool. The passion and the force and the strength and… _There he is._

Arm in arm with some unimportant and stupid motherfucking, Gryffindor slut. His hair looked as if it had been tried to be tamed at some point but unleashed itself and was now roaming free along his neck and forehead. His eyes were, by some reason not covered by glasses, making his eyes stand out even more. His robes were fit perfectly around his lean body and Draco had to lean against Kyle to stand upright.

"Aren´t you a cuddly one." He said, burrowing his face into Draco´s hair, probably messing it up, but Draco was too oblivious to care.

The champions all made their way to the center of the room; Harry looked so out of place it was almost funny, with his short height and messy hair and those nice robes.

The pairs took their stands, backs straight and arms up and ready. The music started and the formal dance began. Draco watched Harry and couldn´t help but feel that he looked a bit odd. Draco had always pictured him dancing like he walked, awkwardly and stiff. Like he was trying his hardest to make it right. He wasn´t a good dancer, per se, but he looked… softer then he would have imagined. His wrist was bent in a soft bow, and his back was slightly arched. It looked odd. Draco shook his head to clear it and noticed others were joining in to dance.

He yanked Kyle´s arm and made his way to the middle of the floor, gracefully twirling and swaying so that he was next to Harry and his disgraceful date.

"You look ridiculous." He hissed to an oblivious Harry who started and lost his pace in the dance.

He jerked his head to the side and eyed Draco with an expression of surprise and horror. Like he was frantically trying to figure out how to act. But he soon got himself together and twirled around, so that the girl´s back was against Draco, and then put and arm around her and sent Draco the middle finger behind her back. Draco flashed him a smirk then stretched his neck to reach Kyle´s throat, and started kissing him and sucking at the precise spot that Harry had done to him. Then raised one eyebrow at Harry, as if challenging him. He looked for his reaction and was met only by a blank face. No resemblance or recognition or even outrage. Only a faint spluttering as if he was embarrassed by such a crude gesture. He twirled away with his date and left Draco wondering if maybe Harry had been so angry and distressed that day that he had a blackout of the whole make out session. And here he thought he would make him mad with desperation for more. Or at least tease him to be mad enough to do it all over again. But he seemed to have no memory of it. That had to change. He would just have to _make_ him remember.

Draco licked his lips. There was a little sting of sadness by the fact that something so intense and something that had etched its way into Draco´s mind would slip away so easily to him. He seemed to always forget that Harry didn´t think of him like Draco thought of him. He was so blinded by his feelings for him that he created a world of his own where there actually was a chance that Harry felt the same way. But Draco knew somewhere deep down that he was just fooling himself into believing it so that he wouldn´t have to deal with the fact that he was denied the only thing he really wanted. _Rejected_. That time several years ago had really torn a part of Draco´s being. The rejection of his friendship had made him a whole different person. He had felt insecure for the first time in his life and he still do. There was no one who could make him feel as vulnerable and rejected as Harry could. But there also was none that could make him so incredibly self-satisfied and at ease with himself.

_Conflicted._ He was so confused. Yet so sure of what he wanted. Hewanted Harry. He _needed_ him. Not only to prove that he really _do_ get whatever he wants, but because he needed to prove to himself that he was capable of fighting for something himself. That he could achieve happiness like any other person. Not through shortcuts and privileges and a flawless bloodline. But through hard work and by showing his true self. To be whom he really was. To show everyone and himself that he had strength.

The dance ended and Draco wasn´t aware of it until he felt a squeeze of his shoulder.

"Want something to drink?" Kyle said, smiling at him with those French lips.

Draco absently nodded yes and went with him of the dance floor and to the huge bowl with punch. He was handed a mug and noncommittally took a sip, not really noticing the slight sting of something a bit stronger than a regular punch would taste like. He sat down and continued drinking with Kyle at his side.

"I think someone spiked the punch." He whispered into Draco´s ear.

Draco whiffed him off with his hand as if trying to get rid of an annoying fly and looked around the room. Harry seemed to have disappeared with his date somewhere. Or if Draco knew him, he was probably hiding so that he didn´t have to dance anymore. He had always hated big gatherings. He gave up his search and swallowed his drink in one gulp.

"More" He demanded and handed the cup to Kyle who hurriedly went off to refill his drink. Draco could get used to this. A little pet doing whatever he wanted. Like a house elf only less ugly. Only imagine letting a house elf kiss you like that. Urgh. Nope. Not even if it would magically make Harry realize that he wanted Draco… Well. Second thought. Maybe he would. _Shit_. He if transforming into some sort of desperate Hufflepuff. This is bad. Kyle came back with his cup and he swallowed it quickly in a couple of gulps. He needed to take action. If his mind had gone so far as even considering kissing an elf, then he was really far down. He stood up swiftly, swaying a bit as he did so. He felt a bit light headed but he shook it off. He turned around to Kyle who looked at him curiously.

"_Stay"_ He said sternly, pointing at him. Then he turned around again and made his way across the room, where he had seen a lot of the Gryffindors was sitting. When he was there, he stopped abruptly and looked around, swaying a bit on the spot.

"Weasel!" He shouted a bit too loud, making his way to him. He gave him a once over with raised eyebrows.¨

"You look stupid." He said, and somehow made it sound more like a statement then an insult, which must have taking Ron of guard because he merely looked at him with a slightly opened mouth. Much in the resemblance of a fish. Draco however didn´t stop to make another statement about his continuing stupidity and went right to business.

"Where´s Harry? I need him." He said, with only a slight slur to his words. Then he shook his head.

"No… No I mean I need to speak to him." He said, after clearing his throat.

Ron eyed him suspiciously but then pointed to the boy´s lavatory.

"T-thanks ferret… I mean Weasel!" He stapled off towards the bathrooms and found Harry standing a few feet away from the urinal, looking anguishly at it with crossed arms. Draco looked around the room and found that it was otherwise empty.

"Potter! Hiding in the bathrooms, who´d knew?" He said, making his way to him.

Harry swished around, looking distressed.

"O-oh. Malfoy. Well, yes. Or.. Well. I had… a lot of punch a-and you know. I really need to… Uhhm. But ehm…" He hiccupped and looked desperately at the urinal again.

"Yeah. I think someone spiked it. I suspect Finnegan." He took a step closer to him, then another one. Harry looked dizzily at him, blinking lazily and swaying on the spot.

"Soo. I had this… Thing I wanted to do. Or say." Draco started.

Harry looked up at him, with heavy lids and nodded slowly.

"O-okay." Draco took another step towards him, now standing right in front of him.

"See, I was slightly disappointed at your lack of memory. And I wanted to remind you. But then I thought. That you would need… Some kind of explanation… And. It´s… Well. Thing is… I…" He shook his head frustratedly. How could it be so hard to say something so easy? It´s just words!

"I find you… Not so annoying that one might think. I find you quite great actually. It´s hard, see.. Urgh.. no.." He shook his head again and looked down at his feet.

"W-what are you taking about, Malfoy, you really d-dont make… Any sense at all and…"

Draco looked up and closed the distance between them. He reached one hand to his cheek and the other finding his soft, messy hair. He pressed his lips against his desperately while pressing his eyes closed, breathing shakily through his nose.

He waited, and waited. And waited. But there was no response. He drew back and took one look at the shocked, dimmed face then turned around and ran out the room.

* * *

The room was spinning and Hermione could barely make out the contours of the things around her. She closed her eyes and tried to make her brain function and think normally like it always did. Her otherwise organized mind was now frantically trying to put two and two together. It was frustrating. She didn´t understand anything. Her thoughts were flying around in her head and she had no control of herself. What had just happened? Had it really happened? Was she dreaming? If so, why would she dream about Malfoy kissing her? She shook her head and deemed it a stupid thing to do. Now her head was spinning even more. Somehow, she made it out of the room she was currently in, and out into the hall where people were laughing and dancing. She took support to the walls and magically found her way to the entrance hall, where it was much less people. She looked around and tried to remember which stairs lead to Gryffindor tower. Right? Left? It must be left. She stumbled up a couple of steps almost falling backwards in the process.

"Hermione, where you going?!"

It was Ron, he ran to her, who was still in the form of Harry and grabbed hold of her.

"hmm. Imma go sleep. Don´t feel so good." She slurred

"Well, you´re going the wrong way, if you don´t plan on going to the raven claw´s dormitories to sleep." He chuckled and took her/him around the waist.

He turned them around and walked up the stairs to the Gryffindor common room. Once inside he tossed her on the couch, and sitting down beside her.

"Are you okay? I heard Finnegan spiked the punch."

Hermione nodded curtly and signed.

"Yeah, just… Dizzy S´all. I… I need my bed." She mumbled and stood up.

"Okay. I would help you up, but I´m afraid I would fall to my death if I tried. The school really should update their rules about girl dormitories." He chuckled.

Hermione nodded absently and walked unsteadily up the stairs and into her room. If she had been in her fully capable state of mind, she would had waited until she was her normal self until she went upstairs. But she wasn´t. But happily for her, she was alone in the room. Everyone was still down at the ball dancing and having fun. She threw herself on the bed and looked up the ceiling. She closed her eyes and lied still for merlin knows how long. Her normal hair started to grow back and she felt a swell at her chest. She opened her eyes.

"Oh merlin! I was _Harry!_" She exclaimed, suddenly realizing the horrifying situation. It hadn´t been her Draco had kissed. It had been _Harry._ And it hadn´t been a dream. It had been reality. She sat up on the bed, utterly confused and very distressed. How… and _why? _ She tried to remember the conversation. The hesitation which Hermione never seen on Draco before. The stuttering and the blushing and… Oh god. The kiss. He… _Confessed?_ But then he ran away. This… This wasn´t good. Maybe he regretted it. Now when she recalled, he didn´t seem to be very sober himself. Maybe it was just an act of a sneaking plan to mess with Harry? Or had it just been the Alcohol playing it´s unpredictable pranks? Should she tell Harry? Oh… No. It wasn´t up to her to say. Draco might even have forgotten it himself. She shouldn´t say anything. She would just have to wait and see.

* * *

**There we go. Hope you enjoyed! **


	12. Harry gone mad and Draco gone Straight?

**So here you guys are! Took my pills and ate some dinner, and the words came flowing. **

**Fun fact about me – I got to ride a wheelchair yesterday. I hadn´t eaten for like two days, and then, the first thing I did in the morning (to skip breakfast) was going out for a smoke. Hah. NicoKick! Jesus Christ people. So I made it as far as to the first elevators, I was going in the second, but I sat down on the floor, just about ready to pass out, when suddenly one that was working there asked me if I had taken anything. Hah. Like drugs you know. I was like – wh-what no… Ijust.. was smoking. Havn´t eaten… For a while. . So they put me in a wheelchair and wheeled me up the elevator. But by the time I had gotten up, I felt a bit better, so I refused to be wheeled inside the section where I lived. Well. Yeah crazy things for crazy people! Now your read! :D**

* * *

Fourth year had been a nightmare. Draco´s confidence was in rock bottom and once again he used his substitute to get his mind of things. Of Harry. He had waited. Even after the day of the ball, to see some kind of reaction from him. But there was none. He was acting like nothing had happened. Like Draco hadn´t stripped down all of his layers and exposed himself to him. He was afraid. Afraid of what happened had gotten out and that people would know. That they would mock him. And it did. The day came when people started acting out against him. It started out small. Looks, and sneers. Then came the name calling. They called him disgusting. A freak against nature – a fucking fag.

Draco of course didn´t give them the satisfaction of showing them that he took offense. He walked on by, and held his head held high. He was proud of whom he was. But it got worse. His father got a whiff of what Draco was and he was not pleased. He sent letter where it stood that he had to get over this phase and that he was not normal. That he was disappointed. That his son was no fag. That´s when Draco started questioning himself. Was he really proud to be something so abnormal? No. No he wasn´t. He was disgusting and weak. And so, slowly, Draco started slipping back into the closet. He denied his true nature and started dating girls.

Harry, he had to a start defended him, but Draco had started pushing him away, going back to who he used to be. A Malfoy. A cruel and superior person. He had said so many mean things. Done so many stupid things to Harry which he regretted every day. But he did not let it show. Soon he even believed that his act was real. That he really was straight and that he was that spoiled brat who didn´t care about anyone else then himself.

The year went by, and the tournament came to an end. That last quest. The picture of Harry, blooded and screaming, crying. Draco had been so afraid then. His heart had pounded out of his chest. For one second he had thought that it was him who had died. When he heard the buzzing around the crowd whispering "he died". But it wasn´t Harry.

Then the fourth year ended and Draco got home. And everything changed. The dark lord was back. Despite what the papers said, he knew it was true. His father was his follower and Draco felt so conflicted. But he was daddy´s boy. He wouldn´t fail him.

* * *

And so fifth year began.

Hermione on her part, had walked on edge the whole year. The secret was holding her captive and she had waited too. Waited to see thing play out as they should have. But they didn´t. Only thing that did happen was that Draco became a complete ass again, which Hermione took as a conclusion that he really hadn´t meant what he said and did at the ball. Then again. Hermione was smart. She knew people. Even difficult read people like Malfoy, and she knew somewhere that Draco was probably angry and sad that Harry didn´t do anything to answer his actions. She felt guilty. So guilty she kept telling herself that Draco really didn´t mean it. That it had been a joke. Or an act of a drunken teenager. She had done the right thing. She had, she had, _she had_. But she knew she hadn´t. But now with all that had been going on during the summer, this felt like such a silly thing to mention. Especially when Harry was so on edge all the time. She had never seen him like that. Sure, she had seen him lash out a couple of times, but this was so much different. He was… Not himself. He would get this dark look in his eyes sometimes. It was cold and scary. He would get mad about the smallest of things. Now when you-know-who are back, and the fact that Draco´s dad had been there… It was just for the best not to tell.

* * *

Draco was sitting in the far end of the class-room. It was potion, one of his favorite subjects, but somehow he couldn´t find the ambition to pay attention. His eyes started to wander, and like it had so many times before, his gaze was magically drawn to Harry and his pack of friends. He saw Weasley trying to get Harry´s attention, poking at his arm and leaning against him to whisper something. Draco edged his ears.

"Harry. Harry, could you help me with this? Harry?"

Harry´s shoulder started to stiffen then he answered.

"Ask Hermione. " He said.

"She won't help me!" Weasley urged.

It took a couple of minutes of silence then the red head was at it again.

"Harr…"

"WHAT!?"

Harry suddenly stood up, facing Weasley with clutched fist, breathing heavily.

"Mr. Potter! 20 points from Gryffindor for interrupting class and for shouting." Said Snape.

Harry snapped his head to him now, his shoulders shaking with rage.

"Sit down Potter!" Snape hissed.

"_NO."_

Draco shivered, his voice was cold and threatening. He had never heard Harry speak like that before. It was disturbing . It didn´t sound anything like him. And Draco had seen him angry, but this was nothing like it.

"_Sit down now." _ Snape shot back at him his eyes promising horror.

Harry placed his hands on the desk and leaned forward as if he was going to sit down but he didn´t.

"_Fuck. You."  
_A wave of whispering went through the classroom, everyone horrified both by Harry´s behavior and Snape´s coming reaction. Harry however didn´t stay to live the tale, but pushed his way through the desks and fumed out of the room, everyone´s heads following his every move and jumping when he smashed the door closed.

* * *

"What the hell has happened to him? He´s like crazy or something." Pansy said, after leaving the classroom with Draco. Draco nodded.

"Something really shitty must have happened, to make him act like that I mean. It´s like me on PMS." Pansy continued, clearly not noticing that Draco wasn´t too happy about the subject.

"Pans, shut up. I don´t want to hear about your dirty women issues." Draco snapped, too annoyed to care about hurting her feelings.

"Ouch. Harsh, Drake. You don´t have to be such a bitch." She sulked.

Draco merely huffed and continued down the hall.

"Yeah I do. Because I´m fucking tired of your shit. You keep bringing him up like I should care. I don´t. I don´t fucking care about him, or his fucking issues or his ridiculous hair that still looks fucking crazy even though he cut it. And I don´t care about how he have grown a fucking 2" or that he looks fucking amazing and how that makes me _fucking_ annoyed and want to rip his fucking throat off and fucking ravish his fucking lips until the point where he can never forget it." Draco was breathing heavily now, his pace quickened and his eyes frantically jerking from side to side.

"Gee, Draco, leave something for imagination will you? I get it. You wanna fucking fuck him."

Draco snapped his head to her, shooting daggers with his eyes.

"FUCK YOU!" He yelled and then took off.

"Sorry, I´m not up for being a beard!" She yelled after him.

Draco hissed angrily at nothing, almost running up the stairs. Fucking Pansy. Fucking Potter.

The hell did he think he was, looking that fucking great and fit and amazing?! He had no fucking right to make Draco feel like this. Draco shouldn´t care about why he was angry. He should only think about ways to _make_ him angry. Like he was supposed to do. Draco was so up in his own thoughts that he didn´t notice a boy sitting against the wall, his hands buried in his hands. Neither did he notice the legs of that boy that was pointing out right where Draco was walking. So Draco tripped. He caught his fall with his hands, but his knee took quite a hit. He turned around to face the moron who thought it was a good idea to trip him. And who else then Harry freaking Potter was sitting there? Of course it had to be him. Draco glared at him. _God I hate him._

" Sorry." He said, his former anger apparently long gone.

"Fucking moron. Couldn´t you find somewhere else to pounder you pathetic and childish actions? " _Fuck, why does he have to look so fucking amazing? _

"No, this was as far as I got, I´m afraid." His voice was low and he seemed confused and wary.

Draco watched him, feelings starting to flow through him again. _Those fucking eyes._

"What the fuck is your problem anyways? Fucking lunatic." He muttered. _You fucking amazing lips. _

Harry only shrugged and looked absently at his own hands. They were quite for a while, Draco considering slapping him and run away. But somehow he couldn´t bring himself to do it. _Because what you really want to do is kiss him. _

"Well, next time you could at least stop and fucking think about the consequences, you left us with a furious Snape you fucking dipshit." _You should stop and think of me. Like I think of you._

"You swear a lot." Harry stated noncommittally.

"Well, fuck you. " _Kiss me. _

"Oh, so you´ve decided you are gay again? That´s nice." Harry said, still with that wary and uncaring voice.

"I wondered when you would step out of the closet again. It´s pretty pathetic, what you´re doing you know." He mumbled and stood up. Draco followed him. _ Just kiss me right now. _

"Well, you would know all about that, wouldn´t you Potter? Having spent your life in a closet. And you have the stomach to call me pathetic. You fucking miserable fucking lowlife." _Please just look at me. Touch me. _

"I´m just saying. You shouldn´t hide who you are. If you´re fucking gay, you´re fucking gay. Stop sissying around and pretend to be something you´re not. You´re GAY Malfoy. GAY. GAY. GAY!" _If you kiss me, I´ll show you. I´ll show you who I´m gay for. Please. _

Draco could see the anger flashing in his eyes again. The same dark that he had seen in the classroom. He suddenly went afraid. A chill flowing through his body. _I need…_

" You should have accepted my friendship all those years ago, Potter. Just look what your so called friends have made you into. You´re a wreck. You know you´re meant to fail. Why don´t you just _give up._" Draco turned to leave; sick of the conversation and his thoughts that was so different and made him so conflicted. He knew he wasn´t over him. He couldn´t resist. He just wanted to tell him everything. He started walking away, but Potter suddenly grabbed his shoulders, and pushed him back till his back was pressed against a wall.

"SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP, MALFOY!" He was furious, even though the insult wasn´t by far the worse Draco had given him; it was the same old insult he always used. But now, pressed against the wall by a strong grip, with Potter leaning up against him threateningly it seemed he had said something unforgivable. His green eyes was glistering with pure rage, it made him look like a completely different person. It scared Draco as much as it turned him on. Harry pushed him in the chest, making him loose his breath for a moment, then leaned in closer.

"I HATE you! I´m SICK of you! You are NOTHING but SCUM."

Draco started into the mesmerizing eyes to look for something else then hatred, something that made it okay for Draco to feel like he did. Something that told him that everything from his fluttering heart to his growing arousal wasn´t for a waste. He hesitantly raised his hand between them, slowly like it didn´t actually move, to reach out and touch him. _He´s so beautiful._ Potter slammed him against the wall, harder this time. "Why would I ever want to choose you?" Slam. "HUH? You are NOTHING." Slam. "Compared to them! You never were and you NEVER WILL." Draco flinched and dropped his hand. He was slammed against the wall again, but this time it hurt the most. He let out the breath he had been holding but it came out as a weak whimper. Potter continued to yell at him, nailing every word into his heart, which was already pounding painfully. Draco lowered his head. He couldn´t watch the hatred that was flowing out from the green eyes.

He didn´t understand how he had expected anything else. He knew Potter hated him, so why couldn´t this _stupid_ feelings disappear!? His heart made a strong jolt, as if to remind him that they would never leave, and that he was _pathetic._

Potters voice came back and forth like waves, crashing over Draco, every word making him weaker and his panic-attack stronger. "You´re _nothing." _Draco tried to take a breath but it got stuck in his throat. "I _hate_ you." He tried to move away from Potters burning touch but he was stuck. He wished Harry would just stop touching him. He felt so filthy and disgusting knowing what it did to him even though he had no right feeling that way. He felt so pathetic and ashamed knowing that no matter how much Potter hated him, the feelings wouldn´t go away. "You´re _DISGUSTING!"_

Draco´s breath hitched painfully when Potter affirmed his thoughts and he had to clench his teeth to prevent himself from letting out the sob got stuck in his throat. _Please just go._

"Please." He whispered through Potters yelling. "Please go away." His voice broke when he tried to speak up and make himself heard but the harsh words didn´t stop. They shoot at him like arrows and he couldn´t stop them. The sob he was trying contain, escaped him and he bit his tongue to prevent another, only to provoke stifled whimpers. It felt like he was about to explode.

"_Pl-please! Stop! Please just STOP! I-I can´t." _He let out a pained sob. "_I can´t... bear it."_

Potters hands loosened their grip slightly but when Draco tried to slip away, they wouldn´t let him.

When Draco inhaled shakily he immediately wished he hadn´t. Potters scent hit him like a bolt of light, and made him dizzy and he felt the familiar warmth of safety surround him.

NO! He didn´t want to feel like this! Not now, not ever. But his body didn´t listen to him. His skin felt overly sensitive, and the feel of Potter touch was magnified. The grip felt like the claws of a demon and yet an angel. He realized then that Potter was the only one that made him feel like this. Even now, when he´s angry and bashing him, Draco felt like he could float away in pure bliss just by the thought that he had been so close. And that he had touched him. He really was pathetic. The realization struck him like a bolt of light. And finally he got loose from the bruising grip and he ran. As fast as he could. Just away. Away from the hatred and the one-sided feelings. Away from Harry and his addictive presence. He ran until he found an abandoned bathroom. He fell down on his knees and sobbed. His breath hitching in his throat and utter heartbreak pressing him down to the floor. He couldn´t take this anymore.

Harry was standing alone in the corridor. His anger had suddenly dispread like it hadn´t been there at all. It was like someone else possessed him. The smallest thing could make him into a roaring lion about to attack. The meanest words and thoughts would magnify and create something horrible and awful. He had done something terrible. He suddenly saw clear, and realized. _Draco._ He ran after him, looking in every room he past, calling his name and finally, there he was in the abandoned bathroom of Moaning Myrtle. Luckily she didn´t seem to be present at the moment.

Harry burst inside, screaming Draco´s name. "Draco, just _stop!"_ He panted when he opened the door. Draco was in front of him, standing, quivering just a couple feet away from him, his back turned at him. Harry took a hesitant step forward, but then stopping. "Draco, just. I´m sorry. I-I… I didn´t mean those things. It´s… I just feel so angry, _all the time._ Draco. Please, just look at me. " Harry pleaded.

Draco stayed where he was, his back turned to him, but he took a deep breath and suddenly everything bursted out of him.

"I don´t think you realize. The pain. And the conflicted fucking feelings. You don´t know. All the _shit_. A-and. .. I´ve waited. And still. _Nothing_. I try to push it away. But everything is just fucked up and my father and all those fucking people. I don´t know what to do, but it´s just… _Fuck_._" _

A sob escaped the blonde, and then suddenly he turned around, tears streaming down his cheeks, his eyes glazing and shining with a universe of feelings that Harry couldn´t even begin to understand. But then Draco spoke.

A-and I´m love with you. I-I love you. I want you. And I know that that makes me disgusting and … abnormal... I´ve been so confused and so... Ashamed by myself... and about how I felt. And I´ve hated myself for _so_ long. And I´m sorry for everything I´ve done to you, but I was just so angry. I was angry at myself for having these feelings and I was angry at you for making me feel that way, so I wanted you to feel as bad as I did. But in the same time I just wanted to prove myself to you. I wanted to be your friend, but... But you. You just...a-and I was just so mad. And so angry. And I felt so betrayed and I don´t know. I felt wrong. I felt so worthless. The only thing I _really_ wanted in my life denied me, and I couldn´t have it. I felt like a failure. But I-I can´t fight this. I just can´t. My heart, my everything is about to explode and I just can´t... Keep it in. I _need _you. Please... Say something.

Harry was staring in shock at the boy in front of him, perplexed at the confession. There was so much that made sense now. All the looks and all the moments where he had felt like there was something _more_ to Draco´s words and actions. This was it. This was the answer to the question he had been asking himself since that time on the train. This was why Draco had hated him. Harry´s eyes were glazed by all the emotions that were suddenly swimming to the surface. He always had been so self-conscious around Draco. He had always wanted to know what he had done wrong. What he had done to make him hate him so fierce fully. Some people, saner people, might not have cared. They might just have carried on with their lives. But Harry had grown up with hatred. He had been hated all his life until the day when he started Hogwarts. He had met friends. People liked him. So when Draco had turned up. With all his hateful looks and mean words. Harry had felt like he was back with the Dursleys. Back to being hated. It might be silly, but Harry just wanted to be loved. Just wanted to be liked and appreciated. To be needed and _wanted_. He met the grey eyes, which were filled with flowing tears and a hopeful expression. That look had been in Harry´s eyes through all his childhood. Every day he would hope to see a flicker of love in his uncle´s or aunts eyes or hear gently words spoken to him. He would wake up every morning, with that look of hope in his eyes. Just to be shattered seconds later when he heard the loud banging on the cupboard door and the harsh words being yelled at him.

So who was he, to shatter that look in _Draco´s_ eyes? Who was he to take that hope away from someone when he knew how much it hurt? He was no one. He was everything. One word could shatter everything. So Harry didn´t say anything. Instead he edged closer to the boy, slowly, gently, keeping his gaze locked securely to the stormy grey ones. He raised his hand only faintly taking in the way Draco flinched, as if he thought he was going to hit him, and then placed it softly on his shoulder.

His thumb moved up to the pale, tear-streaked cheek and stroked it tenderly, wiping away the freshly shed tears that erupted at the soft touch of Harry´s fingers. He would be lying if he said he didn´t feel something for the blond beauty in front of him. He hadn´t known just what it was. But could something that felt this right be wrong? Harry didn´t think so. It might not be the same as love. But it was something. He cared for Draco. He felt a connection with him like he had with no one else, Draco made him feel things he never feel with anyone else. Draco can really take out Harry´s reactions. He knows all the spots to make Harry angry. And happy. So he leaned forward slowly, seeing the way Draco´s eyes widened and how he nervously licked his lips and pressed his own against his. The kiss lasted for less than three seconds, but when they drew apart, the look on Draco´s face meant that it was more than enough.

**Well… That escalated quickly. I´m sorry. I wanted to drag all this out even more. But… I don´t know. Maybe it was time? But not to worry, the story doesn´t end here! … Well. If you are alredy tired of me, then ofcourse I´ll stop it. I guess this is a pretty good ending. Even though I have some more in store. Tell me, do you think I should stop here, or follow up with more? **


	13. Undescribed happiness

**Hi guys! Once again, I´m very sorry for not updating sooner! I have had problems with my "Mia" and my mum went all crazy when she found out I hadn´t stopped. So... yeah. Been busy. Hah. But don´t fret! Here is the chapter! (I wish it had been longer, but to be honest I´m very lazy at the moment, and stuffed with sleeping pills. Gonna fall asleep in about … 5 minutes I think.)"**

* * *

"Draco… Are you having a seizure or something? Wh-what… Are you _smiling? _Actually _smiling?!"_

Draco turned his head to Pansy who had just walked in the common room and taken her seat in the armchair at the front side of Draco. His eyes were glistering, shining and sparkling. His lips were, just as Pansy had said, stretched into a very uncharacteristic smile. To be honest, Draco thought he had never smiled like this in his entire life. Then again, he had never been this completely and truly happy before. His cheeks had taken a soft pink sheer, not like a blush but more like a rosy warmth. His lips were still hot and slightly damp after the kiss and after the numerous times he had licked his lips to savor the taste of Harry´s lips. Draco inhaled deeply; the smile still plastered on his lips and then held it, nodding his head at Pansy as if to confirm that, yes. YES he was smiling. Then he released it shakily and closed and opened his mouth repeatedly as if to say something but all that came out was a happy kind of whimper ("I… aah" *exhale*) and all he could do was shaking his head while smiling happily at the girl, tears building in his eyes.

"The hell, Pans, what have you done now?" Blaise suddenly drawled from behind them both, going towards them and then sitting down next to them both.

"Nothing! I just came in here and… He was like this!" Pansy said hysterically, defending herself. No one had ever seen Draco like this. So they didn´t know what to do.

"Maybe he´s finally gone mad. I was waiting for it to happen. After chasing after that freaking Potter for four freaking years."

At the word "Potter" escaped Blaise´s lips, Draco suddenly started laughing, tears now flowing down his cheeks. The laughter was warm and could make the most miserable person in the word smile.

"P-Potter." He said with a strangled laugh-sob, and then burst into tears, though his smile still on his face, crying and laughing in the same time.

Blaise sighed and crossed his arms, while Pansy watched Draco incredulously, not being able to tear her eyes from the strange behavior from her friend.

"I knew it, this is Potter´s doing. We should find him and confront him, once and for all. He has fucking drove him mad." Blaise grumbled. Even if it didn´t show much, he did care for his friend and he wanted him to go back to normal. He was clearly in some kind of shock-state.

"Come on, Pans, Drake." He said, and stood from the couch grabbing a blissfully unaware Draco by the wrist and pulled him up. He followed blindly, too closed up in his own world to understand what was happening. Blaise dragged him out from the common room and up the stairs to the entrance hall, where he suddenly stopped and grabbed a by passing Gryffindor by the shirt and glared at him.

"Where is Potter?" He asked bitterly.

"Eh, he´s up in the common room, I think. At least he was when I left there." The first-year answered a bit timidly.

"Go tell him to get his dumb ass down here and make up for his mess." Blaise demanded gesturing to Draco with a jerk of his head.

The first year cast a look on the blonde and raised his eyebrows. Then he ran up the stairs. Blaise watched him all the way; until he was out of sight then he put Draco on the stone bench that was placed against the wall.

"Sit." He demanded, and pressed him down while mumbling bitter insults to Potter.

When Potter finally made it down the stairs, he took one look at Draco and then at Blaise.

"What have you done to him?!" He demanded with a frown.

"ME!? It´s you who messed him up! I walked in the common room and he was all up in the blue and crying and laughing like a fucking lunatic! And he _smiled_, Potter. I know you have something to do with this. Can´t you just _keep_ the _fuck_ away from him?" Blaise yelled angrily, pointing his finger in Harry´s chest.

"I-I didn´t…" Harry stuttered, utterly confused with the situation.

"Just fix this, asshole." Blaise snapped at him and walked away.

Harry watched him leave with angry steps and then turned to face Draco. He was sitting down, not seeming to be aware of what was going on around him. Harry made his way to him, crouching in front of him and searching his gaze. And it wasn´t until then that Draco seemed to focus. He raised his head and Harry was met with the happiest smile he ever witnessed.

"Hey, you" Harry said, placing a hand on his knee and looking Draco in the eyes.

"H-Hey." Draco sniffed.

"Apparently I have driven you mad, and I´m meant to fix it." Harry said with a chuckle.

"But I don´t really see the problem here. I just see you." He continued.

Draco chuckled too, and stood up, suddenly feeling stupid.

"They think you have made me soft." Draco said, trying to contain his smile.

"Pfft, you would never go soft for me, or how was it?" Harry teased, nudging Draco in the ribs.

Draco huffed and blushed faintly. "Fuck off, Potter." He mumbled under his breath. But when Harry, amused, turned to leave, Draco hurriedly lunged for his hand and pulled him close again.

"Sorry, bad habits never die, you know." He said with a smirk.

"So I´ve heard." Harry shot back, smiling reassuringly at him.

Draco looked him in the eyes, standing perfectly still, his gaze definite and secure.

Harry seemed unsure of what to do as he opened his mouth to end the, what he thought it be, uncomfortable silence. But Draco cut him off, right before he could say anything.

"Kiss me." He whispered pleadingly and confidently in the same time, not letting go of his gaze, his eyes in some way speaking to Harry, telling him something not yet discovered. As if this kiss would solve all his problems, as it would be the resolution of the universe.

Harry only hesitated for half a second before he slowly leaned forward and pressed his lips against Draco´s. Finally, Draco closed his eyes, relishing at the soft touch, memorizing it for safekeeping. And when Harry slowly started to pull away, Draco followed, keeping their lips pressed together and inhaling deeply through his nose then he drew back slightly, ending the kiss, and opening his eyes, watching the green ones with utter contentment, their noses just touching. He could feel Harry´s breath against his lips, hot and slightly quivering. He took another deep breath, and then leaned his forehead against Harry´s, closing his eyes again, only taking in the way their breaths mixed until he became lightheaded. He drew back again; placing a single, short kiss on Harry´s lips, then took a step back exhaling shakily.

"Wow. That was one hell of a kiss." Harry said with a nervous chuckle his hand reaching for the back of his head, rubbing his neck slowly. Draco huffed, the intense moment gone and smirked slightly.

"Oh, come of it Potter, that was more like a seven second peck." He drawled in a known fashion.

"Oh, so I´m Potter now, am I? I thought kissing brought me to first-name bases at least." He joked.

Draco rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

"I just told you, it was not a kiss, it was a mere pressure of lips." He shot back. Harry smiled.

"Sounds like a kiss to me." He said, raising his hands and shrugging his shoulder with a crocked smile.

"Well, then you have a lot to learn, Potter."

"I´m all ears. Or lips. Teach me." Harry dared. Draco merely snorted with another roll of his eyes.

"A bit eager are we? Maybe it has escaped your brilliant mind, but I already taught you. But as the good-hearted teacher I am, I shall reawaken that memory of yours. I hope at least you have enough of a brain to locate the broom cupboard on the fourth floor. Maybe the change of atmosphere will freshen your memory. First lesson starts tomorrow after lunch. Make sure to brush your teeth, I´m not up for eating your lunch too. I´ve noticed you have a tendency of eating the unhealthiest things. But what can I expect from a person who grew up in a cupboard." With a spin Draco turned around and started walking back to the dungeons.

"Enough with the cupboard jokes!" Harry yelled after him shooting his hands up in frustration. Though all he was met with was a low snickering and a wave of Draco´s hand above his head as he rounded the corner of the corridor.

"Draco! There you are, I was beginning to think you had lost yourself in the corridors because that wobbly brain of yours. But I recon you and Harry settled things then? You told him off?" Blaise drawled from the couch when Draco entered the common room again. Draco smirked and made his way to his friends.

"Oh yeah, I totally kicked his sorry ass. Won't be bothering me for a while now." Draco said, barely containing himself from singing. Blaise eyed him suspiciously as Draco took a seat in the armchair in front of him, practically boring his examining gaze into Draco´s face. Draco let out an innocent sigh and studies his nails as he crossed his legs and wiggled with his foot in the air.

"You shagged him, didn´t you." Blaise finally said, squinting his eyes at him as if trying to read his mind. Draco snorted.

"Pfft, what do you take me for? How long was I gone? Like 15 minutes? If I were to shag someone, I assure you it would be in quite an extensive amount of time, thank you very much." Draco said with a confident sneer.

Blaise frowned deeply and then turned his head with a snap and looked desperately at Pansy.

"He shagged him." He whined.

Pansy patted him encouragingly on his knee with a sad and slow shake of her head, her eyes closed in a mourning expression.

"All hope is lost." She said with a dissatisfied smack of her tongue.

Draco sighed and stood up, giving his friends an unamused glare before he left and went up the stairs to his bed that was practically screaming at him. Calling his name. Urging him to sleep so that tomorrow could come faster.

* * *

When Harry made his way back to the common room he was grumbling. It was pretty understandable, considering his situation. Because here he was, a guy, who never in his life had even _thought_ of the possibility that he might like guys. It had never occurred to him. Then again, he had been through so much throughout these years, so how could he have stopped to think about it? Sexual orientation doesn´t seem so important of a matter when you have a murderous dark wizard chasing you. And now, in a matter of seconds, Harry had just gone with it. It seemed so easy, to just reach out and kiss another dude. That dude being _Malfoy_ of all people. And If it was that easy, and came by pure instinct, then it must mean he is gay, right? And, the kiss had felt good. In a way. Sure, it had been weird and a bit uncomfortable, but that was probably just because he had never kissed someone before. Not even a girl.

Hmm. How could he know if it felt right kissing a dude, if he hasn´t even tired it with a girl? How are you supposed to know for sure if you haven´t tried both?

The thoughts whirled around in Harry´s head as he opened the portrait hole and stepped inside. His two friends was still sitting in front of the fireplace where he had left them, so he went straight to them and then stopped abruptly in front of them, staring at Hermione with a slightly concentrated expression.

"Euhm, mate? Are you gonna sit down, or what?" Ron said a bit hesitant.

"Hermione, I´m going to kiss you now." Harry said in a bemused yet flat tone of voice and then leaned forward and pressed his lips against the unknowing girl, who had up until now been buried in a book, barley even acknowledging Harry´s arrival. She did however notice his presence as he softly pressed his lips against hers and hesitantly moved backwards, as if testing what she would do, and when she didn´t do anything, but stayed actually as she was, he stood up again and wrinkled his nose.

Hermione though, wasn´t showing any kind of facial expression, but stayed pale and expressionless until finally she jerked up and threw her arms in the air.

"What is it with people kissing me all the time?! I´ve had it!" She screamed a bit panicked

Ron, on his end, was still staring at Harry incredulously but as he heard Hermione's words he snapped his neck to her instead, also standing up and pointing accusingly at her.

"Who´s been kissing you!?" He spluttered.

"God, everyone! I don´t know what everyone´s problem is! First that lump of a fool, Victor freaking Krum, and I didn´t quite mind that until he started going all touchy on me, and then that freaking _Malfoy¸_ and now. _Now!_ Harry! Of all people! Can´t I have some peace?! I just want to be left alone with my freaking studies!" She yelled, stomping her foot in the ground.

"So… You wouldn´t kiss anyone else then? For example me? You know just for example that is. Not that I would expect you to do such a thing. And neither would I try it. I mean we are friends, and that would be weird but let´s say for a theoretical study, we would see how many people you would let kiss you until you like… Slapped them or you know… Just so you know your limit that is. I wouldn´t…."

Ron rambled and mumbled but was soon cut off by Harry, who had collected himself enough to hear Hermione´s confession.

"WHAT? Malfoy kissed you? He´s gay for merlin´s sake!" He said, staring judgingly at her.

"What? No. Well oh. I maybe should have told you at the time, but seeing as you had so much going on, it didn´t seem fit to tell you what happened. See… Ehm. How to say this… The thing is… Urgh no… Okay, promise not to be mad?" She said a bit timidly, looking up at Harry.

"No, I won't be mad, just tell me." He urged.

"Oh… Okay, here it goes. Well… He didn´t exactly kiss me. Well. Not in his sense anyways. I mean… He saw someone else. But I saw him. Uhm. Please… Please don´t make me say it. I know you´ll be mad." She said with a frown and sat down again, curling herself up into a ball, hugging her knees.

"What… Please Hermione, my brain isn´t functioning correctly at the moment." Harry whined.

"Pfft, obviously not." Ron snorted bitterly in the corner.

"I WAS YOU! Malfoy... Kissed _you_. As me. On the ball." She said, her voice tuning out on every word and ending as a faint whisper.

Harry could only stare at her. He knew he promised not to be mad, but it was hard. If she would just have told him about this a little earlier, he could have saved a lot of trouble. This was obviously why Draco had been such an ass last year and why he had mysteriously turned "straight". And Harry could have protected him from all those fucking bullies a lot earlier. God he just wanted to scream at Hermione, but he held it in. But shortly after this, he didn´t have to push it away, it vanished all by itself, and the one to thank was, as so many times before, Ron´s impeccable commentary.

"Hah, imagine kissing Malfoy. Ew, right, mate?" He said, bumping his elbow to Harry´s side. Harry tired. He really tried, to hold it in. But there was something about how Ron said it. And the irony of the whole situation and the fact that Harry had been up kissing Draco just a few minutes ago. Harry guessed he was still a bit wobbly in the brain from the kiss, and that´s why he completely lost it in front of his two friends, as he broke out into a hysterical laughter, tears bursting out of his eyes.

His friends just stood by, looking at him as if he had gone mad. And perhaps he had. He felt different. He had just had some kind of epiphany just now. Realizing his true nature. He liked kissing blokes. He liked kissing _Malfoy. _So suddenly, he stopped laughing, and turning to Ron, who took a slight step backwards, and looked at him with a dead-serious expression.

"Ron, I´m gay." He dead-panned.

Two gasps were heard, one sounded terrified, the other slightly surprised yet understanding. Not hard to guess who´s which. So Harry decided to not throw another grenade at his friends, and keep one secret to himself. But that doesn´t mean he could be a little bit honest.

"And as a gay guy, I would say that Draco is a fairly good-looking bloke, who´s in very good shape and also happens to smell very nice. I´m sure you´ve noticed, and therefore, I _would_ actually imagine kissing him, cause I think it would be very pleasant indeed." He said, in a matter-of-fact kind of voice and looked at his friends shamelessly. But when they didn´t make a face at him, but stayed as gaping fishes he grew hesitant, maybe he had said to much anyway? He should smooth it out.

"If you go by the facts I mean, Hermione you should understand, you can´t deny he looks rather dashing?" Harry urged, looking for a solution for the panicked expression that started to grow in Ron´s face.

"Urgh,mate, just don´t... Don´t say stuff like that." He said shaking his head with a slightly nauseous appearance as he started walking away, up to the dormitories mumbling and snorting to himself. "Pfft. Dashing."

Both Hermione and Harry watched him disappear up the stairs and when he was gone Hermione let out a deep sigh.

"Well, I think he took it rather well. For being him I mean." She said softly.

Harry chuckled at that.

"Hah, just wait until I drop the next bomb."

* * *

**Made it this far? Review? :)**


	14. Lesson out of control

**I know. I know! And Im sorry okay? But I have had the hugest writers block and it just wont budge! I still have bits and bits left that I was going to add to this chapter, but I can´t find any motivation to make it into a full text so this shortie is all you get. Sorry!**

* * *

Lunch was in full start and the great hall was full of students screaming, laughing, talking and joking and eating of course. Well, almost everyone. There was this one boy, who sat in the far corner of the Slytherin table looking at his food as if it was garden snails. He just didn´t feel like eating. Maybe because he was a bit nervous. Yes. He could admit that he had a weakness. And no, he wasn´t nervous because of what he and a certain Gryffindor was going to do, Draco knew he was an incredibly skilled kisser and that he was an awesome teacher. No. He was nervous because he was afraid that he might be rejected again. Left to rot in the cupboard waiting for Harry to come. As if yesterday never happened. He was afraid that it was all a joke. But as he raised his gaze to gaze worriedly at said boy, his doubts were washed away. He was met by a pair of searching green eyes that glinted happily when the grey ones met his. The dark headed boy smiled crookedly and winked at Draco as he waved a piece of broccoli in front of him with his fork. Draco almost lost his composure then. But he managed to hold in the pathetic whimper that tried to make it´s way out of his terribly expectant lips. Merlin, he could practically taste Potter´s lips already.

"Urgh, would you two stop eye-fucking each other. It´s disturbing my appetite." Blaise said bitterly as he made a face at his lunch.

"I am not eye-fucking anyone." Draco snapped , giving Blaise a hard look.

"Well, you´re doing something. And I want it to end. So would you please just focus on your meal rather then scar face over there or be so kind and spare the people of this school watching you mentally giving golden boy a blow job, and go somewhere else with your sexual frustrations."

"Fine! I will!" Draco said with a snarl, standing up to go.

"Well, don´t say it out loud! You could´ve just gone away discreetly! Now I will know what you are up to and wont be able to eat anyway!" Blaise exclaimed and let out a frustrated sigh and dropping his fork on his plate.

Draco just shook his head at his idiotic friend and made a huge deal of walking out the hall with as much sway to his hips as possible, sending meaningful glances at Harry while doing so, his eyes hinting his current state of impatient excitement that left no doubt that he wanted Harry to hurry.

Draco hurried up the stairs, soon reaching his destination. He slipped quietly inside the broom cupboard feeling a chill going through his spine as he saw the boxes where he had been lying not long ago with Harry on top of him. God he really needed Harry to hurry. He thought as he paced the small space and drew a hand through his hair, wondering if he look presentable, then scolding himself for thinking such a thought. Of course he was! He impatiently leaned against the wall, tapping his foot to the floor. Just as he was about to stand up straight to go looking for the incredibly slow Gryffindor, the door opened and a beaming Harry stood in the doorway, smiling goofily at Draco.

"I´m gay!" He said, seeming incredibly ecstatic to have had that resolution.

Draco rolled his eyes. He could take no more of his adorableness and lunged at the surprised boy, slamming him against the wall, crashing his lips against his, both his hands pressed against his chest. Then he leaned away slightly to whisper: "I certainty hope so!" then going back to kissing the boy feverishly. But it was something wrong. It didn´t feel like the last time they kissed in this room. Harry seemed to be uncomfortable and unsure. Harry could only guess that he was thinking to much this time. Last time he had been so angry and he was just letting out the steam, so it all came natural then. Now he was a bit rigid and stiff and careful. Draco tried coaxing a reaction out of him but soon gave up. He pulled away again and licked his lips, looking at Harry´s lips and then his eyes.

"Okay, lesson number one – I´m no girl, you can be rough with me, your lips are barely moving, and your hands are hanging by your sides. Bring them up here." Draco said, taking Harry by the wrists and placing Harry´s hands at his shoulders.

"Move your hands, go with your emotions. It always feels good being touched." He added, and demonstrated by bringing his own lean hands to the side of Harry´s neck, stroking it slowly and then moving down his arm, stopping at his wrist and slowly ran his finger along his wrist, then down to his hand then up again. Harry shivered in response and then hesitantly moved his fingers, stroking his thumb along Draco´s jawline.

"Like this?" He whispered.

Draco could barely breath. But managed to nod.

"Uh Hm" He hummed, then brought his lips closer to Harry again, this time more slowly, thinking he might have moved to fast before. He leaned close to Harry´s ear, ever so slightly moved his lips so they only just brushed against it. Then he continued in the same soft touch down his jawline, following it until he reached the chin, then he applied more force, pressing closed mouth kisses down his throat, along his Adams apple. When he reached the dip of his collar bones, he went back to the side of his neck, now using his tongue to lick carefully on the perfect skin.

Harry let out a shivering breath, then gulped silently, his Adams apple bobbing under Draco´s lips.

Draco decided to go back to his lips and straightened up a bit and pressed his lips against Harry´s again. He moved them, massaging the scared lips in front of him and applied more force. He reached his hand up to the back of Harry´s neck and used the other to brush his fingers through the black hair. He breathed through his nose, nibbling on the still closed lips to hint that he wanted them to open but no such luck. He used his lips instead, trying to coax the lips opened. He felt again how Harry stiffened a bit and his lips swayed in their pace and became unsure again. Draco almost chuckled then. Harry was so awkward it was laughable. It was so different since last time and he wondered how different Harry was when he was angry. He had almost forgotten how awkward he could be at times. He pulled away again and looked at Harry.

"Stop thinking so much, just relax. Just feel. Do whatever you want. I can handle it. " He said, giving him a gentle look then went back to his lips. This time he used his tongue, deciding he needed to force a reaction out of him. So he licked along the seam of his lips, urging him to open them as he moved his hands across his chest, feeling the wonderful flatness and hardness and then moved to his defined biceps and felt the strength of a seeker. Harry had finally started to relax a bit, and his jaw let go some of its pressure and Draco took the opportunity to slip his tongue inside and was met by an intense rush of pleasure and adrenaline. He took his time, exploring as much as he could reach and then pulled away slightly, to lean his head against Harry´s forehead to lick his lips and savor the taste.

"You taste so good." He whispered hoarsely and received a dimmed humming and then to his surprise, Harry was the one to tilt his head forward and slightly to the side so that he could reach Draco´s lips in a better angle as he reached his arms up, cupping the pale-skinned boy´s face. Draco hummed against his lips and closed his eyes contentedly, letting his hands drop to Harry´s hips, resting them there as he slowly deepened the kiss. It was languid yet and on the brink of passionate. Draco was going to go slow, gradually pushing the kiss deeper. He had to hold himself back to not drown in the kiss and push Harry too far too fast. It was hard since all his hands seemed to want to do was sneaking inside Harry´s Shirt. He wanted to know how Harry´s stomach felt, wanted to run his fingers along the middle line of it, moving beneath the waistband of his pants and then... _Fuck!_

It had all happened too fast for Draco to react. His hands betrayed him and moved up on Harry´s stomach. First it was on top of the shirt, but as his hands dipped down again his thumbs got stuck on the edge of the Gryffindor-red shirt and pulled it up as his hands made a second round along the stomach. He could now feel the shivers underneath his hands, as well as he felt the warm skin against his. Subconsciously he moved closer, inhaling deeply through his nose and pressed his lips harder against Harry´s. His hands was roaming freely now, moving to Harry´s back to trace his lean fingers along his spine. Another deep shiver. He steered his hands back to the hips, placing them firmly there. Though they soon grew restless and moved up along Harry´s sides. Draco pressed his palms flat against his flesh and moved them up with just enough pressure. As he passed the ribs everything changed. All he could register before anything happened was Harry´s lips retreating slightly from the kiss just long enough to let him inhale hastily and shakily through his teeth. Then Draco couldn´t more then blink before he was turned around and pressed roughly against the wall, Harry´s lips crashing hard against his. It was as if some invisible force had grabbed hold of him. His movements wasn´t hesitant and languid anymore but feverous and reckless. Draco moaned against the kiss despite himself. There goes approaching Harry´s new found sexuality carefully and tactically.

Harry suddenly took hold of Draco´s wrists and brought them up above the blonde, messy head where he locked them with his own large hands and continued the rough treatment of Draco´s lips. The tension grew around them and it felt as if they would catch fire soon because it was so incredibly hot and it felt like some kind of tortured, instinctive need that had been buried deep within him had taken hold of the innocent and naive Gryffindor and that his body somehow moved by itself, driven subconsciously and instinctively to satisfaction. Before Draco could take hold of the situation again and clear his mind from the sudden attack, Harry pushed his hips forward as if he didn´t have anything else to do, and did it again and again, soon falling into a even pace. Their hips were linked in a rolling motion, neither of them noticing the way Draco started to fall apart. But he was. He was panting feverishly and moaning like there was no tomorrow. He carelessly and willingly met Harry´s rolling hips, loving and hating the way his hands were locked in Harry´s strong and secure ones, making him unable to place his own hands on Harry´s ass and press him harder against himself. He was rambling and moaning Harry´s name shamelessly and to his defense: unconsciously.

"_Oh,_ fuck, Harry. _Fuck. _Don´t.. Don´t stop." He moaned breathlessly between the kisses now almost slamming his hips against Harry´s. But then suddenly he stopped, jerking slightly as he did.

"Oh, _fuck._ Harry, stop, stop, stop. Just wait. Stop!" He exclaimed struggling to get his hands free and tore his mouth away from Harry´s, turning his pale cheek to the confused boy.

"Did I do something wrong?" Harry asked. Draco shook his head and let out a breathless laugh.

"No, I just thought I had more self control then this. I underestimated your effect on me. I just need... To cool off." He said, still breathing heavily. Harry still looked oblivious and probably was in the kiss-dimmed brain, and moved forward worriedly and tried to hug Draco softly from behind where he stood taking deep breaths, his back turned to Harry.

"Oooh no, keep those outrageous hips away from me!" He cried, jerking away from his touch and combing his fingers through his messy, blonde hair with a deep sigh.

"Why?" Harry asked dumbly and Draco couldn´t help but roll his eyes at his nativity.

"Because, Potter. This lesson was about kissing, and if you come near me now, the lesson will skip several steps to a level that is far too advanced for you to deal with at present time." He managed to get some of his quirky sting into his words and took that as a sign that he was now ready of looking at Harry. He turned around and immediately changed his mind. He was naive to think that he would _ever_ be ready to look at the gorgeous boy in front of him. Especially when his hair was standing in all direction in a true post-snog fashion and when his lips were puffy and red and when he had that adorable look on his face. He sighed and closed his eyes instead, massaging the bridge of his nose and traced his his fingers along his eyebrows. He dared a slight peek at Harry again and saw him looking confused and as if he was thinking over the situation, his hand rubbing his neck as usual. Then there was a small flash of understanding and he raised his eyebrows in a half surprised and half amused expression.

"_Oh_, you got a boner?" He said bluntly.

Draco flinched slightly at the direct statement but soon got a hold om himself. Of course he would react like that. Always right on. Draco could forgive his crude behavior since he was a stupid Gryffindor.

Though just as that thought left his mind, a huge grin grew on Harry´s face, a presumptuous, self satisfied grin and Draco didn´t feel as forgiving anymore. _Stupid jerk._

"Fuck I´m good!" He exclaimed ignoring the deathly glare he was given. Then his expression grew to a astonished expression as if he had a epiphany. "I gave _Draco Malfoy_ a boner." Then he looked at Draco again. "What?!" He exclaimed when he noticed Draco´s expression.

"Are you quite done boasting, you bloated jerk?" He said with one raised eyebrow, and eyes burning. He didn´t say anything, but his pride was slightly offended that he was the only one to have a boner.

Harry´s grin faded to a playful smirk. "Come on, you know you liked it! Just admit it, I over shined you at my first lesson!" He nudged Draco playfully in the ribs and when his cold glare didn´t budge he threw his hands in the air in amused frustration. "Come on! It´s just a boner! I bet you are mad just because I have better self restraint then you!"

As Harry had expected Draco did react now, but not in the way he thought he would.

"Self restraint?! Come on, you call that self restrained? You practically went rabid, attacking me all of the sudden! How can anyone keep from getting a boner when you go all controlling and press you against a wall and literally starts dry-humping you?!" Draco defended himself. To his satisfaction Harry´s smirk faded and went back to looking awkward. "Oh. But you were the one that started to man handle me all over! You went all touchy on my sides. I´m really sensitive there." He said with a pout.

"No kidding?" Draco drawled sarcastically with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Stop being grumpy and smile!" Harry whined, nudging Draco repeatedly in the ribs. "Come oon, you know you want tooo." He sang with a mischievous smile but without success. Draco crossed his arms looking away. He was not giving in. He wasn´t really angry at him, he was embarrassed and humiliated but he wasn´t going to admit that to Harry. Not as long as he lived. He huffed inwardly at his impeccable pride. It really did cause a lot of problems for him. But he wasn´t just about to let that go because of a sappy Gryffindor. Nope. Not a chance. Never.

Before he could finish that thought he felt a slight pressure at his cheek. It was warm but before he could take in the feeling the pressure was gone again. He snapped his head to Harry, who was now smiling sheepishly at him with glistering green eyes. Draco couldn´t help it. He melted. _A peck? __Really!? _How can anyone stay mad at someone who gives a _fucking peck _on your _cheek_!?

"You are too adorable for your own good, do you know that." Draco finally stated, a smile tugging at his lips. He tried. He really tried. But when Harry looked away slightly embarrassed and raised his hand to rub his neck with a nervous kind of chuckle he just couldn´t keep from smiling.

He gently grabbed hold of Harry´s wrist, to stop the neck-rubbing, and tugged the boy closer then leaned in to kiss him gently on the lips. When he pulled away he looked into the green eyes and felt his heart beating unregulated. He gently nudged his shoulder against Harry´s and flashed him a smirk.

"Are you going to blush like a maiden every-time I compliment you? You´re incredible. Blushing when getting a mild compliment but not flinching a muscle when realizing you gave me a boner." Draco joked with a soft chuckle.

"Come on, silly. Let´s just go."

* * *

**Sigh. I´m really sorry again, this chapter has no plot what so ever and I´m ashamed. I havn´t managed to progress the story at all. This chapter is just bullcrap. I sorry. And I´m sorry in before hand that I will be late with the next chapter. I still have that darn writers block. I don´t know how to get it off of me. Anyways. Review and tell me if you hate me and this shitty motherfucking plotless shit. /3 **


	15. Secrets and hidden truths

**Okay... I´ll start with a "I´m sorry" , that´s becoming quite a habit lately. But I really am. I just... I havn´t been able to write. The end. I´ve really tried, almost everyday I´ve sat in front of this bloody story, just trying to get something pop up. But only bad stuff popped up, or nothing at all. They say how you feel affects how you act and how you write. Well. I can say that is true. Hence the slightly (okay quite extensively) depressing mood of today´s chapter. This is all I can write at the moment, so, I guess a WARNING: is in order. - SELF HARM and LOTS OF SWEARING and slightly more descriptive and bolder SEXUAL ACTS. That´s it for now. I´ll let you read. :P**

* * *

Urgh, I´m so fucking fed of with that bloody Potter!" Draco exclaimed in a frustrated tone of voice, kicking the couch where Pansy was sitting next to Blaise. They both looked up at him, Pansy a little irritated, Draco could only guess it was because of how it wasn´t the first time this week he had stormed in like this, and it probably was getting a bit old. Blaise however, careless like always, looked immensely bored and went back to reading his copy of the prophet.

"What did he do this time?" Pansy said in a flat tone, repeating the line she always shoot at him when Draco was complaining about Potter.

"He´s just fucking mental! He goes all mad of of nothing! One second we are making out and the next he goes all raging Gryffindor on me. It´s fucking annoying." He explained, clearly irritated.

Pansy sighed and rolled her eyes and Blaise made a face at the information about his and Potter´s intimacy.

"What the fuck did you expect, It´s Potter for crying out loud. He´s like a girl on her fucking period. He´s always been like that. I thought you knew what you put yourself up for." Blaise drawled flipping sides on his paper, yelping when Pansy smacked him in the back of his head, glaring at him for the degrading comment about girls.

"No, it´s more than usual. I have been able to handle his little outlasting before, now it´s just way out of hand. I´m starting to think it´s because he doesn´t want to fucking be with me. But why the hell can´t he just say that!?" Draco argued, and to his terror feeling a lump building in his throat. He hadn´t realized just how much he was affected by his theory until he said it out loud. Now when it was out in the open, it felt like it made more sense then when he was thinking it. Maybe Harry didn´t want to be with him. Maybe he was just being played. Maybe he had realized that he wasn´t gay after all and that he was plotting some kind of plan to humiliate him in front of the entire school, telling everyone how he had just been playing him and that Draco was just a fucking queer and...

He felt tears building in his eyes and quickly rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands in a frustrated motion.

"Hey, of course he wants to be with you, or else he wouldn´t take the risk being with _you_ of all people. You are not thinking rationally now, Drake. You are to upset to be dwelling about this, so just calm down and try and figure things out when you have cleared your emotions." Pansy´s voice was gentle, so unlike her regular tone of voice and patted on the seat next to her right side. "Just sit down for a while." She added with a smile. Draco let out the breath he had been holding and his shoulder slumped as he tried to relax. He stepped around the couch and sat down awkwardly, feeling stupid by his outburst. He shouldn´t be feeling this self-conscious because of fucking _Potter._ But he couldn´t help himself. He had always felt that was about him. He had always wanted to impress Harry and be his friend and just... Be with him. So he was always so afraid of Harry not liking him back. It was so stupid that one person could make him so vulnerable and change him to a complete different person. A person who is fucking crying in the fucking common-room. Luckily there wasn´t many in there at the moment, only a few first years and a handful of third years playing wizarding-chess.

"Feeling better?" Pansy said carefully and put an arm around his shoulders, tapping his shoulder slightly.

"A bit." He admitted with a mutter.

"You could just break up with him you know. I´d be a lot easier for all of us." Blaise stated simply, putting the prophet away and looking at him indifferently.

Draco thought about it in a split second before he unconsciously shook his head.

"No, can´t do that." He said. His heart beating harder only by thinking of it.

"Why not?" Blaise pressed, raising an eyebrow.

Draco fell silent for a while, thinking. Why couldn´t he break up with Harry? Blaise was right, it would spare everyone a lot of time, and effort. But he just couldn´t see that as an option.

"Because... I don´t know. I just... I see him, all his flaws, and imperfections, his disgusting eating habits and ridiculous hair. The way he run his hands though his fringe when it gets in the way, and how every emotion reflects on his face like he was wearing a flashing sign. The way he so boldly run into things, with no fear and no regrets, how honest he is. I don´t know. He´s just everything I´m not , and I need it. It might be selfish, but I can´t let him go. I need him..." Draco trailed off, staring straight forward at nothing, his eyes dimmed and unfocused. There was a slight silence then Blaise spoke up.

"Well, there you have it then. Problem solved. His impeccable mood-swings is obviously one of his flaws and seeing as you seem disgustingly attached to them there shouldn´t be a problem, so stop coming here whining about him and save some time and go and deal with it yourself." Blaise said, no accusation in his voice but more like impatience.

Draco could only stare at him. Blaise could come out as rude at times, but when you really knew him, you know that he is just helping in his own way. No running around the bush, no bullshit but straight to the point. That was often more helpful then silent comfort and complementary complying. Draco stood up and gave him a grateful look which was answered with a bored huff. When Draco walked away however you could see a ghost of a smile on Blaise´s lips, and hear him mutter affectionately "Git."

* * *

Harry was leaning his face in his hands, frustratedly pulling at his hair trying to keep the growing... _intrusion _of his mind. He didn´t know what it was. But it felt like something digging into his head and lit his blood on fire. He could _feel_ the darkness running through his veins. Pulsing and pumping through his heart, making everything dark and angry. He just wanted it out. He didn´t want to feel like this. This wasn´t _him_. It was something wrong. Like a sickness. Poisoning his mind and everything around him. He felt a new flash of anger run through him, making him let out a frustrated noise, and he started rubbing his head, trying to get it to disappear. It didn´t work. He started to panic. Reality felt so blurry and out of focus, making the _sickness_ so much more vivid. It was all he could feel. All he could think about. He couldn´t see his hand reaching for the shaving razor, couldn´t hear the impatient knocking on the door, couldn´t feel the blade digging in to his skin, waiting for him to just flick his hand and tear his flesh open. Then a new wave of darkness flooded over him and then all he could feel was pain. Not in his head, not in his heart, but on his wrist.

He opened his eyes, suddenly seeing the things around him, the cold stone-floor, the red walls, the dim light, his hands, trembling. His fingers, bloody. His wrist, slit into a ragged line, making the flesh budge up in two different directions. The blood, pulsing out of the wound in the pace of his heartbeat. He dropped the razor, and suddenly he was back in reality. Loud bangs on the door and a impatient voice telling him to hurry. Where was he? How did he end up here? He couldn´t remember anything, all he could remembered was the darkness, the _anger_ overwhelming him.  
He looked around dimly, his brain as much as the voice outside telling him to move. He did. He pushed himself up with his arms, feeling the sharp pain again. It was more dull now, almost pounding. He felt lightheaded as he stood up, his feet faltering for a second before he found his balance. He absently closed his hand around his bleeding wrist, not really comprehending it needed taking care of. He felt distant, maybe because he lost a lot of blood in a short amount of time, or because of the searing pain that came in small waves along his arm, or because he had just blacked out and given in to darkness for Merlin knows how long.

He grabbed his wand, staining it with blood, and vanished the razor on the floor, then quickly did a cleaning spell on the floor, disbanding any evidence of what he had been doing, then carelessly wrapped a cloth around his wrist, fastening it with a spell, not even knowing what he did, and then walk slowly to the door and opened it causally, giving Seamus a non-committal expression, raising his eyebrows and then walked pass him, ignoring the complaining of him taking a whole hour to shit. It was a faint ringing in his ears, and he felt detached from everything around him. His legs walked by themselves, moving towards the staircase. He closed his eyes for what felt like a second but the next thing he knows, he was pacing the corridor of the forth floor. He felt dizzy and somewhere in his dimmed brain he thought that maybe he should go to Madam Pomfrey, but he couldn´t bring himself to care. He just needed... Something. He needed to deal with whatever had happened. He still wasn´t fully aware of what he had done. He felt like he was dreaming. Only evidence that he wasn´t was the pulsing pain in his wrist.

His pace started to slow down, and soon he was staggering aimlessly in the maze of corridors and doors of the big castle. He felt so tired, and he took support of the walls, keeping himself upright until the point that he tripped on his own feet and fell headlong to the floor, groaning slightly as he did. He tried standing up, but found that he had no strength left, the last effort he managed before he passed out was sitting up slightly and leaning against the wall.

* * *

In another part of the castle, Draco was, a while later, pacing the corridors himself, looking for the dipshit Gryffindor that had disappeared. He had even gone to Gryffindor tower and stood outside the portrait hole waiting for someone to come out or in, so that he could ask if he was in there. Unfortunately no one came, but just as his patience started to flicker, a fat lady in a pink dress appeared in the panting, looking at him coldly.  
"And who may you be?" She said, eying him suspiciously.

Ignoring her question he immediately demanded answers.

"Has Harry Potter left this Tower?" He asked hurriedly.

"Why, yes he have, many times." She answered smugly, and Draco resisted the urge to roll his eyes at Gryffindor´s disability to be witty.

"I meant if he had left recently, like the nearest hour or so. Is he still in there? " Draco urged impatiently. The fat lady seemed put out by his tone, but answered anyways.

"No, he left for about half an hour ago, seemed a bit out of it to be honest, didn´t even hear my question." She said.

"Did you see where he went?" Draco continued, knowing the portraits could move about in others paintings.

"I do believe so, yes. I think it was him who was wandering about on the forth floor, if I´m not mistaken. Don´t think I was though, there isn´t a person with quite the same set of hair as him... Makes you wonder about today's youth, I mean even at my time the comb was invented, one might think the boy hasn´t brushed his hair since birth..."

Draco didn´t stop to listen to the babble but hurried down the stairs, suddenly worried and a little bit irritated with Harry for just wandering away making Draco search the whole freaking castle for him. Not that he minded as soon as he got to speak with him, but still. It was too bad there wasn´t some sort of device to make you find each-other. Much like a patronus, that could communicate, but a bit less complex. Like owl post, but faster.

His mind continued to rant about pointless things while he walked, but soon started to get frustrated by the lack of finding and the amount of searching.

_Where the fuck is he?_ He thought irritatedly. Leave it to Potter to disappear when he was wanted. Git.

Draco let out a deep sigh and closed his eyes for a second, then rounded the corner or the corridor and went straight into something solid, sitting on the ground, he tripped over, and landed on top of non-other then Harry _fucking_ Potter.

"What the fuck, Potter, why are you lying here like a freaking hobo? I´ve been looking for you for _ages_." He complained, getting up from his disgraceful position.

Potter looked up at him, seeming, like the fat lady had said, pretty out of it. Draco immediately changed his posture, and continued with a worried tone of voice.

"Hey, are you okay? Has something happened?" He asked with a worried frown.

He reached his hand out and pulled Harry up, and saw him winching slightly as he did.

"What is it?" Draco said, trying to get Harry to look him in the eyes, but they kept gazing around lazily, making Harry seem almost disorientated.

"Nothing." Harry said, tugging slightly at his uniform sleeve. Draco didn´t think anything of it at first but when he saw the look in Harry´s eyes, he went suspicious.

"What, what do you mean, "nothing"?" It´s clearly something seeing as you are hiding it." Draco pressed, clearly irritated of how distant Harry was.

"Please, Draco it´s really nothing. Nothing important anyway. Just let it go for now, okay?" Harry said, giving him a pleading look, his eyes finally focusing, and connecting with Draco´s. Draco was reluctant, he knew something was going on, and he was worried, and Draco wasn´t the first to just give in. If he wanted something, he wasn´t going to give up without a fight. But just as he was about to open his mouth to Protest, Harry lent forward and pressed his lips to Draco´s pale cheek. Without as much as a word, he continued, tracing his lips to Draco´s mouth, giving him several short, fast kisses before he grabbed hold of the side of Draco´s neck, tilting his head so that he could deepen the kiss.

Draco couldn´t help but think he was being distracted from the conversation, but as Harry moved his head slightly to the side, gently nudging Draco´s jaw so that he tilted his head slightly to the side, and then began pressing open-mouthed kissed on Draco´s throat, he couldn´t for the world remember ever having a conversation with him, and gave in to the hot kisses, lacing his hands in Harry hair, tugging slightly on the messy strands. The atmosphere quickly grew more intense after that. Their breaths were short and quick and hot, so hot. There were a kind of thickness in the air, a thick fog of anticipation and want. Draco could feel the delicious bites on his neck and collar-bones, and the wet and warm tongue licking soothingly over the marks, sending electric sparks straight down Draco´s body, pooling willingly in his crotch. Harry seemed to grow desperate, and his movements grew fiercer, and his hands restless. Harry suddenly pressed Draco against the wall, momentarily making him loose his breath, and started kissing him with renewed force. His hands slid down his jaw, cupping Draco´s face, his fingers brushing against his ear and jawline, and tilting his face slightly to get better access. His tongue once again broke pass Draco´s lips, and began sucking Draco´s tongue into his mouth, making both of them moan throatily. Even more so when Harry pressed his hips forward, making Draco immensely aware of his bulging erection, twitching desperately to get out of it´s prison.

Then, before he knew it, Harry´s hand moved downwards, and needily cupped Draco´s erection through his pants, and started to ferociously rub his hand back and forth, palming him desperately as his harsh breath was panting against his ear, mixed together with low whimper-moans that made Draco want to curl into a ball and just listen to it forever. But as much as he´d like to follow Harry´s lead and moan along side with him, he was too shocked to do so. He pushed Harry away slightly, making him whine quietly.

"What are you doing?" Draco asked breathlessly looking at Harry with big eyes.

"I´m... rubbing your dick?" Harry answered cautiously and slightly hesitant, saying it like a question then anything else, looking at Draco with a confused expression.

"Yeah, I can feel that... I´m just.. Yeah... Okay." Draco wasn´t complaining, it wasn´t like he didn´t like it. Because, Merlin did he like it. But he was just so surprised at how fast Harry was progressing with the intimacy of their relationship. Harry raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"Okay?" he said as if to ensure it was okay for him to continue.

"Yeah." Draco nodded absently, and was once again brought into the intensified fog of sexual anticipation as they continued kissing. Harry once again finding his way down to his crotch, rubbing and palming for dear life. Their breaths and moans mixing wonderfully and they soon became lightheaded out of lack of oxygen. Draco wanted to return the favor to Harry, doing the same thing as he did to him, but Harry was holding his hands gripped tight above his head, making him mad with desperation to be free so that he could just touch and feel every part of him. But then Draco came, and he couldn´t think of anything else then the intense pleasure that was flooding through him as he bit down on Harry´s collar-bone to muffle his cry of release.

When they were done, and their breaths had started to gradually feel regulated Harry let go of Draco´s hands, and let his own arms hang loose by his sides, leaning his head on Draco´s just breathing in the wonderful scent of him, yet he couldn´t bring himself to feel good. He felt weirdly empty, and not in a good way. Hollow somehow. It had been good, and very pleasuring, but he felt so incredibly distressed and so, so tired. He also felt ashamed of what he´d done. During this steamed encounter, which he had initiated to distract Draco from a very uncomfortable conversation, he had also realized just _what_ it was that he had done. He had been too shaken and distant to understand it, or come to terms with it before, but now it was blindingly clear to him. He had cut himself and he had liked it and the only words that was echoing in his mind was thought with a deep, heavy sigh. "_Here we go again..."_

* * *

"Hey where did you run off to before? You just disappeared. Seriously one might think you have some secret lover of something. Hah."

Ron chuckled next to Hermione, nudging her in the side, to get her attention and to get her to agree to his joke. Hermione, a few steps wiser then Ron, rolled his eyes at him and his insensibility and his lack of knowledge in the matter, and exchanging a look with Harry which he returned subtly.

"Yeah, hah." He said awkwardly, laughing nervously and scratching the back of his head. Ron´s eyes immediately turned circular, realization dawning on his face, then looking terrified at Harry.

"Wait... No don´t tell me. Oh Merlin, don´t tell me!" He exclaimed covering his ears with two scarlet pillows, humming on a tuneless song and stomping his feet to the table in front of them.

Hermione looked at Harry again, a simple raise of eyebrows, and motioning downwards with her head then looked at him questioningly.

Harry nodded yes, then blushing slightly to have non-verbally admitted his relationship with Draco to her, but shook it away immediately. If he was queer he shouldn´t be embarrassed, he thought, and turned to Ron who had know stopped singing in lack of breath and was now lazily leaning back in the couch, the pillows still weakly pressed to his ears. He now looked bored rather then terrified so Harry reckoned he was alright. He shot another glance at Hermione, who had now gone back to studying Defense, then stood up, walking up to his dormitory, and locked himself in the bathroom. He leaned against the wall, sliding down until he hit the floor, then carefully rolled up his sleeve, displaying the blooded cloth around his wrist. He cautiously pulled at the end of it, winching when dried blood and apparently the scab was teared up again.

He closed his eyes and clenched his jaws. _Just do it_. He told himself. Then almost breaking his teeth out of the pressure, he teared off the cloth from his arm, intense pain prickling along his entire arm. He could feel the blood starting to build up again, and then drip silently on the floor. He opened his eyes slowly, small dots blinking in front of him. When the pain had somewhat subdued he examined the wound with a slight frown decorating his face. There was mixed feelings inside him. There were pain, of course, but also regret, self-hatred and shame. Yet, how much he tried to deny it even to himself, there was also feelings such as fascination, relief, satisfaction and a sense of nostalgia. He sighed as he ran his finger along the bleeding scar, wondering if he was weird to enjoy it. He probably was. He knew he was. He knew somewhere that it wasn´t normal. That _he_ wasn´t normal. When he had done it for the first time.

He was 10 when he discovered the rather masochistic solution to deal with his inner pain, and the extensive neglect and hatred he received by his "family"on a daily basis. Not to mention the abuse that would later begin when he started at Hogwarts. He continued cutting until he was 13, that´s when he had rescued Sirius, and he felt there was someone who cared for him, that cared _about_ him. He had struggled hard to get out of it, and he would feel so depressed he didn´t know where to turn, but when he had Sirius, he did have somewhere to turn. He never told anyone about what he did, not even Hermione and Ron knew. But he had stopped, but now here he was, a fresh wound on his arm, and he couldn´t find himself to care. He tried to think that it was bad if he started again, but then he remembered how absolutely releasing it was. How calm and content he felt afterward. It was just nice to feel something else then the aching pain in his chest. The loneliness, and desperation. The panic that would grow in his chest at times could be solved in other ways, but none was this fast, and none was this satisfactory. Harry had had nights where he had to scream himself to sleep to get the anxiety to ebb off, just to prevent himself from cutting. But now when it was done, what harm could it do to just start again? It isn´t that bad, It´s not like he wanted to kill himself with this. He just wanted to feel good. He leaned his head to the cold wall behind him, once again closing his eyes, relishing in the subtle scent of blood surrounding him and gave in to exhaustion.

* * *

When Draco made his way back to the dungeons, his mind was still dimmed with pleasure. He couldn´t for the world of him remember why or how he had even ended up with Potter in the abandoned forth floor, but fuck if he cared, he thought cheerfully as he rounded the corner and stepped in front of the entrance of the Slytherin-house. He saw the welcoming fire being lit and couldn´t resist finalizing his pleasureful mood by some snuggling up in the couch. But of course Pansy was there, ready to ruin his mood in an instant.

"So did you guys do it then?" She said as soon as he sat down, referring at his smiling face.

"Seriously! Pans, why do you always think I´ll have sex as soon as I´m alone with a guy and smiles afterward?! We´ve been together for what? A week now? Do you really think I can´t contain myself enough to wait?" Draco exclaimed a bit outraged at her forwardness.

"Well, can you?" She asked looking pointedly at him.

There was a silence then, where Draco complected the question and the answering options. Then he sighed.

"Well, not really. But I have to for his sake. I´ve known I was gay for a pretty long time. He just found out barely a week ago. I can´t just expect him to accept everything at once. It took me several years just to acknowledge that I thought the guy was attractive. Jeeze. Sometimes I think you just cling to my sex-life, because you know yours will be doomed. " Draco said snappishly at her, irritated at the girl for ruining his good mood. Pansy smacked her tongue dissatisfyingly, glaring at him and crossing her arms .

There was yet another silence, which Draco used to ponder the situation with Harry a bit closer.

"Tough I am pretty amazed at how fast he is adjusting to all this. I mean... He was just … rubbing my crotch like it was the most natural thing in the world for him." He said thoughtfully, not really aware of his own words.

"Well, isn´t that´s swell. _Please, t_ell me more." Blaise drawled sarcastically as he approached them and then sat down at the couch, making a face.

Draco gave him a deathly glare to make up for his humiliating blush that was spreading through his entire face.

"Fuck you Zabini, no one asked you to come."

"Yeah, I could say the same to you. And then I could say that I didn´t ask you to tell us about it, but that already happened didn´t it?" Blaise retorted with a smirk.

"I never said that I did!" Draco snapped, quick to defend himself.

"Oh, well, make sense, as clueless as he is, it is only to be expected that he is awful sexually." He retorted , looking nonchalantly at his nails.

"I´ll let you know he is far better then you´ll ever be, and if you now are so keen to know, I´ll also let you know that I came fucking hard, okay? _No one_ has made me come that hard." Draco said pointedly. Glaring at Blaise, then he leaned closer to his face, smirking. "_No one." _ Then he stalked off, knowing that now it wouldn´t be wise to stay. He knew Blaise would be furious. Draco would so regret saying that, but Blaise fucking deserved it. Just because he didn´t get any. He was just fucking jealous. Jealous of Harry. Draco thought he had gotten over their "gatherings" as Blaise came to call it. Apparently he hadn´t.

* * *

**Yes, here we are. I really tried making a longer chapter, so that it would make up for how late this was. But I didn´t make it as long as I wanted, I´ve cut a lot of things out that would happen later, but I just can´t hold this chapter from you any longer. Please – if you think I´m worthy, review. Or if you think I´m worthless and incredibly bad at updating – review and yell at me. That´s fine too, it actually keeps me slightly more motivated to actually **_**try **_**and write. Even though it goes very slowly. :P**


	16. Blackout

**Okay let´s get some things straight. This story is blowing right out of proportion. I´m adding stuff that is just … not fitting into the story. It started out innocently, and now it´s really angsty. I tend to do that a lot. But I´m trying to make this work. With all the extra things. But it´ll be messy. And I´m sorry about that. And while I´m at it, I want to apologize again for taking so long updating. I´m rubbish and we all know it. I´m sorry. But I´ve been busy. Stupid excuse I know. But I have had a writers block. It budged a bit now which is good. I think it´s because I´ve furfilled my dream this past week. Guess what? I´ve been to Orlando. And guess what I did there?! YES. I visited the Wizarding World Of Harry Potter. Yes. Yes I know. IT WAS AWESOME. And seeing as I live in Sweden it´s a long way there, and it cost me all my money, but I´ve never been as happy as I am right now. Or well... As I was. But yeah. I cired so much when I entered the park. When I saw hogwarts, and the sign at the beginning of the park. God I fell down on the ground because my legs wouldn´t hold me, and I cried by happiness. Merlin. It was so amazing. Anyways. Just wanted you to know! Now I´ll let you read. :)**

* * *

Harry was closed up in the bathroom again, it had become a habit as of late. It had been almost two weeks since he had started again. And now he couldn´t stop. _Wouldn´t_ stop. He needed it too much. The _darkness_ that kept digging into him was too overwhelming. He felt like a complete different person. Sometimes, he could feel this intense hatred. But sometimes _more_ then that. It was like a vision of kinds, but through feelings. And, sometimes, he could feel the _need_ to just... _destroy. _People, things, anything! He felt like he was becoming _bad._ The worst thing is, that sometimes, he felt satisfaction when someone hurt themselves, or when he thought about hurting other people. He was so ashamed of those thoughts, that _darkness_ that he did everything to get it out. But cutting was the only thing that helped. It seemed the darkness _wanted_ him to hurt himself. Or maybe it just wanted to cause pain and destruction. Even on it bearers wrist.

But the problem had grown since he first started, and now, he didn´t just cut when he felt darkness and hatred flow through him. It started with that, then he started cutting himself when he just felt generally sad about things, when he was stressed out about homework then it evolved to when he couldn´t sleep at night. He would go up, and sneak directly to the bathroom, cutting deep enough so that he lost enough blood to get him lightheaded and exhausted. Now – he was cutting just to get through the day. The first thing he did in the morning was to head into the bathroom, finding the razor and slit a nice straight line along his wrist. He would even set his alarm half an hour early, so that he had time to do it. He would cut between classes, with the mindset that "it calmed him down". He made excuses to himself, when he was in doubt, saying that he was just trying to prevent the darkness from coming, so that if he did it regularly, it wouldn´t come at all. He would think, just one more. One more. One more. Then he would sit there, his wrist covered with a puzzle of scars, each overlapping each-other, or he would cut up the old ones until he could _feel_ the artery on the tip of the razor. But he was ashamed too, about cutting. He was ashamed because of what Draco would think of him. Draco would look at him with disgust if he knew. He would think Harry was pathetic. He was ashamed that he couldn´t even deal with life without hurting himself. That he, who was supposed to be this big brave Gryffindor liked the sight of his own destruction. So in order to deal with his fear of loosing Draco, he became very attached to him. He would practically cling to him, wanting to devour every part of him to just... Forget for a time how extremely pathetic he was. He did it to somehow convince himself that Draco _did_ want him. He needed to reassure himself that, or else he would fall apart completely. It was like he needed to prove himself to Draco, and he did so physically, sexually. Problem was it all rebounded when he got back to his friends, and it often ended with him yelling at them.

Hermione was silent, sitting in the corner bed hugging her arms, crying silent tears. She knew she shouldn´t take what Harry says to heart when he´s acting like he was now, but it was hard not to get hurt when you could _see_ the hatred and anger in his eyes. Ron had defended her as soon as he had seen the quivering of her lip, and was now trying to make Harry see reason.

"Ey! Mate, I´m sorry, but you don´t really have the right to yell at us. You are the one who always disappears and goes off to Merlin knows where, and then come back here and have these random fits. It´s not cool. We´re just trying to help you, so stop being so angry and just tell us what´s your problem is. What the heck is bothering you?" Ron said, trying hard to remain calm. It wasn´t easy when the person in front of you was steaming with anger. Especially when you are a dude and the adrenaline is pumping through you veins, awaiting a fight that Ron didn´t want to have.

"Malfoy! That´s my problem!" Harry suddenly exclaimed.

Ron rolled his eyes. "He´s always your problem, and you havn´t acted like this before because of him."

"Well, situations have changed, I wasn´t screwing him before." Harry snapped, glaring at Ron challengingly.

"W-wha". Ron stuttered, looking confused.

"You heard me. I´m screwing him." Harry said, then paused looking hesitant.

"Or well, not exactly. It´s more like rubbing and jerkin´. Maybe I should rephrase. What I meant to say was - "Situations have changed, I didn´t have a deep interest in his dick before." Harry added, looking thoughtful. He felt calm now. The anger had blown away. He was now looking indifferently at Ron, almost feeling amused at his reaction.

"Woah. No. No. Uh-hu Nope. No way. Don´t say those stuff. Ever. Urgh... Nope. Can´t get image out. I´ll just go..." Ron mumbled, rubbing his temples and waking away awkwardly.

Harry lied down on his bed, looking in Hermiones direction. She wasn´t crying anymore.

"Sorry." He said.

"It´s alright, I know you´re having a rough time, Harry. Just... Just try and come to us before you get all mad, we might be able to help you, you know." She said gently, walking towards him.

"And despite the crudeness of you confession, I´m proud that you told Ron about you and Draco. Don´t worry, he´ll come around. He always does." She patted Harry´s shoulder then went past him and down the stairs, following Ron.

Harry sighed and closed his eyes. But only for a few seconds. He was soon sitting up, and then walking purposefully towards the bathroom.

* * *

Blaise was sulking. Had been for almost two weeks now. Draco knew it was because of what he said, but he didn´t care. He wasn´t going to apologize. He just gave back what he´d got. He had no right to be angry. It wasn´t Draco´s fault that Blaise couldn´t be like Harry. That he couldn´t even _talk_ about their "_Thing" _as Blaise called it at times, the rare times he actually did mention what they´d had. He was so deep in the closet that you could take him for a part of the wall. He was completely different from Draco though. Or the person Draco used to be. Blaise wasn´t nagging himself apart with self hatred or inner conflicts. He was merely not acknowledging the fact that he was gay. He didn´t think about it, didn´t speak about it, not even to himself, didn´t and the rare times he did think and speak of it, he refereed his sexuality as "it" or "that". The only thing that indicated that he was gay, was when he had had his cock down Draco´s throat. It had been in the fourth year after the mess he had with Harry. He had been really vulnerable at the time, even more so when his father sent him those letters, and when people started to bully him for who he was. He had felt so unwanted then, and lonely. And then when he had started to dating random girls to hide his sexuality again, he had felt so incredibly incomplete. He had been crying in his bed one day when the others had been in Hogsmead, when Blaise had appeared, looking him over. Draco had immediately wiped off his tears and glared challengingly at him. "_What?" _He had said. The next thing he knew he was pressed down to the bed, Blaise kissing him fiercely. Draco had been choked to say the least. But he had been taken at a moment of vulnerability and he had followed suit, glad at a distraction, and desperate for the oppressed want inside him to be released. By a boy. He hadn´t cared that it wasn´t Harry, didn´t care that it was Blaise, his friend since forever. Didn´t care that he was just being used. Because he was, Blaise would never speak of it, whenever Draco opened his mouth to say something, during and after their "encounters" he would tell Draco not to speak and just push Draco´s head down again. It meant nothing. Just a quick getting off for Blaise. He always wanted it done as quick as possible, not saying anything, not staying a second more then he needed after he was done. And he would absolutely refuse to reciprocate. When Draco had tried to make Blaise touch him too, he would shake his head, a disgusted look on his face. Draco would feel dirty, but he hadn´t cared. Though, he had at one point believed that Blaise would be the one to make him get over Harry, but he was wrong, foolishly so. And when Draco finally told Blaise that he wouldn´t continue like this, Blaise had gone desperate. Draco had never seen him like that. You could see the panic in his eyes, the desperation and, yes, _sadness_. Blaise had started crying, _begging_ Draco, saying he needed it. Needed him. But Draco heard the hidden words behind his sentence. Knew Blaise didn´t need _him, _Draco. He just needed someone to jack him off. Someone who was male. Because he had girls too, Draco was just "On the side" because the girls could never fully satisfy him.

But Draco couldn´t take it, he had told Blaise that if he needed Draco, he had to get all of him. Not just a part of him. And that Blaise would have to come to terms with that he obviously was gay. Blaise had gone mad then, saying that Draco was just making up excuses, that it was Draco´s fault, that they would "work" if Draco could just forget about Harry. Then he had stormed off, never speaking of it again. Acting like it never happened. Draco played that game too, because he didn´t want to jeopardize their friendship. And he would never dream off exposing Blaise, pushing him out of the closet. He could never do that. To anyone, knowing how hard it had been for himself. Because Blaise was a good friend, and he didn´t want to just end things completely with him. But now, now he had gone too far. To actually _think_ that he can be _jealous _after what he had done, and after what he´d said. Draco wouldn´t take that bullshit.

* * *

"I´ve Told Ron." Harry said, lying on top of Draco, his chin resting on his hands that was resting on Draco´s chest. He looked up, meeting Draco´s eyes and saw the amusement playing in there.

"Really? How´d react? Did he freak out?" Draco immediately said, his grin wide as it could be. Harry lifted his head long enough for him to be able to smack Draco´s head.

"Ey! Stop smiling you dick, and yes, he did freak out. But Hermione said it´s only temporary, and that he isn´t really having a problem with it." Harry said, looking reproachfully at him.

"Hah, Weasel, wish I´d been there. I could have made it so much funnier. I should have like, grabbed your ass and licked your face or something, he would have fainted." Draco continued, chuckling gleefully.

"Ey! Stop plotting against my friend. And I told you to stop smiling, it´s not funny, dick-face." Harry muttered, annoyed at having to get up from his current position because of Draco´s chuckling. He sat up, straddling his thighs.

"What was that? You want my dick in you face?" Draco said with a satisfied smirk.

Harry only glared at him. "Asshole." He muttered.

"Oh, that works too. Better make up your mind though, it´s dinner soon. " Draco cackled giving Harry a suggestive smirk.

Harry rolled his eyes again, and got up from Draco´s thighs, and up from the bed, leaning against the bedpost.

"I think I´d rather eat the food than anything else, thanks." Harry humored, helping Draco up by offering his hand. Draco toke it with a smile and Harry pulled him up.

"Another day then. " He said, winking.

"And you should probably use you cloak, if Pansy´s downstairs. She´ll probably skin you alive if she sees you. I told her off because "I wanted to sleep of my headache". She´s really jealous of you. She thinks I´m neglecting her because of you."

"Well, I certainly hope you are. I would never want to be under her in your list of "people I consider worthy of my company." Harry said with a slight grimace.

"I didn´t know I had a list." Draco repeated, smiling slightly as Harry flung on his cloak.

"I bet you do. You seem like the type to have lists." Harry said, now whispering to keep from getting caught.  
"Well, when I first saw you, in madam Malkin´s store, I remembered thinking you wasn´t even worthy of my gaze. That changed pretty radically when I saw your eyes, though." Draco added as an afterthought, he too, taking silently.

Then he faltered slightly as he realized what he´d said and how stupid he sounded.

There was a slightly awkward silence then Harry spoke up, as always hating awkward silences.

"I´m sorry to brake the the romantic moment, but my first impression of you was that you where a spoiled brat." He whispered chuckling slightly to lighten the mood. Then he stopped, as if thinking.

"But you´re eyes aren´t bad either, by the way." He added, as they walked out the Slytherin common-room and out the corridor.

He took off his cloak and looked goofily at Draco who looked a little bit grumpy.

"If it makes you feel any better, I´ve always loved how you blush." Harry admitted, knowing he had to make their vulnerability even in order to make Draco happy. He knew that Draco hated when he was the only one being vulnerable, even though telling the truth of his feelings isn´t really something to feel vulnerable about.

"I remember in third year, in the beginning of the year, when we where all outside, and I was teasing Ron with that piece of pie, and you suddenly screamed at me to shut up, and then practically running away with _the_ hugest blush I´ve ever seen." Harry smiled at the memory, then glanced at Draco, who was now looking even more grumpy. Draco didn´t like his blush.

Harry pouted and suddenly came to a stop, taking Draco by the wrist, stopping him too.

"It´s a compliment, okay?" He said, searching Draco´s eyes.

"It isn´t. What´s so good about blood flowing to you face?" Draco grumbled.

"Well..." Harry started, placing a hand at Draco´s cheek.

"I love how you almost never blush, but when you do, your entire body flushes. It starts at the cheeks, then it travels down you throat." He traced his fingers down his throat as he spoke to empathize his words. "The moves back you neck... Shoulders, chest..." He unbuttoned the top of Draco´s uniform and kissed the exposed area at his chest while his hands traveled further down.

"Then Merlin knows where the blood flows." He mumbled against Draco´s skin, his hands roaming over Draco´s crotch.

There was a sharp intake of breath and Harry straighten up and removed his hands from their daring direction and looked pointedly at Draco.

"See? It´s a compliment. Learn to take one. " Harry said, smiling smugly at the flustered look on the blonde´s face.

Without looking back Harry turned around and continued towards the great hall. He soon heard Draco move and waited for him to catch up, but it seemed he was purposefully walking slowly to avoid coming in line with him.

Harry chuckled in amusement. He had, once again, managed to piss Draco off. He did that a lot, and he wasn´t always aware of it until a while later when he finally demanded to know why Draco was so grumpy. But he had learned, and now he knew when he was cross with him without even having to look at him. He shrugged slightly as he made his way into the hall, and then sat down causally next to Hermione.

She greeted him with a smile while Ron was eying Draco with a suspicious look on his face, as if calculating whether or not he would come here and do "gay-stuff" ,as he called it, with Harry.

Harry rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers in front of him, making him jump and then look embarrassed.

"Sorry..:" He muttered silently

Harry nodded reassuringly, telling him it was alright, then went at the delicious food on the table.

"He looks sour." Ron said after awhile, nodding at Draco at the Slytherin table, who was currently stabbing his food with a deeply furrowed forehead.

Harry nodded absently, but still with a smile on his face.

"Yeah, I kind of embarrassed him before. He doesn´t like that very much."

"No kidding, He´s a Malfoy for Merlin´s sakes. " Ron said, raising a eyebrow.

Harry hummed in acknowledgment, feeling like the conversation edge closer to dangerous grounds.

"What did you do anyway?" Ron asked with a mouthful of pie.

"Wound him up then left him." He said curtly, not going into details, still a little at unease at talking about Malfoy with Ron.

"Well, why would that be a problem. Isn´t Slytherins happy to avoid a fight if then can?" Ron asked with a confused expression.

Hermione huffed and rolled her eyes at his nativity, but said nothing.

"I meant, I wound him up as in..." He swallowed what was left in his mouth an glanced over at Malfoy then back at Ron.

"Leaving him with a boner." He said bluntly, smiling secretly at Ron´s flustered expression and mad coughing as he tried not to choke of his food.

"Oh well... That´s... I mean, you know..." Ron babbled nervously then stopped, pressing his lips tightly together and taking a deep breath, staring over.

"To hell with it. I´m just happy you makes things hard for him, who cares how you did it." He finally stated, going back to his meal with a slightly embarrassed expression. Harry couldn´t hold back his amusement now, and openly huffed with laughter at Ron´s comment, interpreting it slightly different then Ron himself.

When Ron figured out what he´d said, he blushed furiously again, looking frustrated at his meal.

"When the hell did you get such a pervert?" He asked while picking at his plate.

"Get you mind out the gutter." He added, trying to make up for his embarrassment.

"Since I discovered sex." Harry stated casually, taking a sip of his punkin juice.

Suddenly Hermione made a irritated noise, flicking the paper away.

"I can´t believe this woman! She´s destroying the entire school!" She exclaimed, looking darkly at the staff´s table.

"Who?" Ron said, happy about the subject change.

"Who do you think?! Toad-face over there! With all her rules and her and the minister´s fear of Dumbledore taking over the office. I mean, everyone knows Dumbledore turned the post down several times! They just don´t want to acknowledge what is going on."

Harry looked down on his meal, not really wanting to take part in the conversation. He hated Umbridge. Hated the minister and the prophet for calling him a liar. He hadn´t read the paper in quite some time and had almost forgotten about the entire thing. But of course it was still going on. No one believed him or Dumbledore when saying Voldemort was back. So he didn´t really see any reason in dwelling in it. If they wanted to be oblivious fucks it was their choices. He didn´t want to push everyone. But he had to admit that Umbridge was really polluting the school. He had tried to avoid her as much as possible since the beginning of the year. But he knew Hermione wanted him to speak up again, to not give up.

"Harry..." Hermione started.

Ah... Here it goes, Harry thought.

"Don´t you think we should do something about this?" She said desperately.

Harry made a irritated sound in the back of his throat and looked angrily at her. He started feeling the rage building up inside him and he tried pushing it down. Because he knew where it lead.

"Like what? Give the prophet another opportunity to ridicule me? They don´t believe me Hermione. And I wont force the devastating truth upon them if they don´t want it. They´ll have reality slap them in the face soon enough when Voldemort emerges. There´s nothing I can do. And on top of it all they think I´ve gone crazy what with all the fucking outbursts I´ve had lately. I can´t... I just want to have a normal year. I don´t want to think about this stuff. Please." He said, looking pleadingly at her.

She answered his gaze with an equally devastated one.

Harry sighed.

"We have defense later. Let´s just... I don´t know. I´m sure the whole "non-practical magic" is coming to an end soon. And if it doesn´t... I´ll speak up. Okay?" He gave her a last look and then stood up to leave.

"I´m going. See you later." He muttered and left the hall.

He knew what Hermione wanted. She wanted him to start some kind of protest and the non magic teaching. She wanted him to teach people. To learn them to defend themselves. But she didn´t understand that that would never work out. People didn´t see him as a leader. They thought he was a loony. A liar and a attention seeker. One can only take so much before you give up. And he understood them. He didn´t want to acknowledge the fact that Voldemort was back either. He would gladly live life oblivious to the truth. He would happily accept the ignorance. He would love to be unaware of the fact that Voldemort had killed his friend. He would give anything to think that Cedric had died in a tragic accident during the games.

He sighed.

Some people even thought he had killed him to win the cup and that he came up with the story that Voldemort had come back just so people wouldn´t suspect him. So why should he stand up and fight when people just didn´t want to? Why should he help the people who called him a murderer?

He ran up the stairs to the Gryffindor common-room and angrily yelled the password to the fat lady who, clearly offended, opened it for him.

He could feel the anger building up in him. The rage consuming him like it always did when he thought of those things. He could feel everything building up in him, wanting to brake out. He could feel his heart pounding harshly in his chest and his blood boiling inside his skin. He felt his head going blank and his eyes starting to go blind.

* * *

When he woke up he was lying on the bathroom floor. Once again had he let the darkness consume him. He should have been more careful. Should have gone as soon as Hermione mentioned Umbridge.

He should have gone directly to the bathrooms and got rid of the darkness before it took over him. He looked down at his wrist. The blood was still pulsing out the wound, though it seemed it was starting to coagulate. He always got out of hand when he didn´t cut before the darkness consumed him. When he let himself loose control to it, it made him incapable of rational thinking. It left him with no sense of life and death. He could easily have killed himself during a blackout. He felt now that it had been close.

Too close. He checked the time on the wall, and immediately perked up. He was late for defense. He quickly sat up, doing a cleaning spell on t he puddle on the floor, and a concealment spell on his wrist, hiding the deep cut and stopping the blood. He put the razor in his pocket, and ran as fast as he could, considering his current health.

* * *

Draco was staring at Granger and Weasel, mentally trying to make them turn around and answer his questions. Where the hell was Harry? He was never late for Defense. It was his favorite subject.

Well... Maybe not lately. But he was never late anyways. Umbridge would get her knickers in a twist.

He looked around at the door, which was as untouched as two minutes ago when he last looked. People around him was quietly reading. Draco had already read this section and was not very interested in reading it again. He thought it was incredibly silly that they had no real magic this year. He knew his father was a goods with the minister and that not learning the students any defensive magic this year was because of the fear that they would storm the ministry. Which was incredibly stupid in it self.

Though his father himself was a bit more in sighted and saw the lack of practical magic as a privilege for the dark lord. Keeping the new generation from learning to defend themselves made it easier for him to take over. And to beat Potter...

No... He couldn´t think of that. It was too soon. Politics had nothing to do with his relationship with Potter. He didn´t want anything to do with it. He left that part to his father.

He looked at the door again and yelped as this time it did move. Potter stormed in looking quite destroyed. Tired and annoyed.

"Sorry I´m late. " He said with a rushed voice as he sat down next to Weasley.

"Ah, Mister Potter, is it. May I ask why you found yourself being anywhere else then here?"

Harry made a irritated huff, and Draco could see his shoulders stiffen and his jaw clench.

"Why yes, you may ask, but I don´t believe I have a good enough answer, professor." He finally said, his voice very thick with constricted anger.

"Oh but I think you do, Potter. Otherwise you could just lie, I hear you are quite good at that." Umbridge said with he sugar-sweet voice, that was laced with poison to trained ears.

Potter was now clenching his hands into fist underneath the desk, and Draco could practically feel the anger bursting out of him.

"Well, maybe I should be honest for once then, don´t you think? I didn´t find myself in time to the lesson because I find it completely and utterly ridiculous and not worthy of my time."

Umbridge looked like a angry toad. Blowing herself up to the point where Draco thought she might burst, her lips so tightly pressed together that they where nothing but a thin line.

"And why is that?" She said slowly, looking at Harry with hollow eyes.

"Because where not even learning magic! We´re sitting here reading a fucking book written for three year old when we should really be learning advanced defense and offense spells!" Harry exclaimed, his anger now clearly visible for everyone to see.

Umbridge let out one of her disgustingly sweet laughs, fake innocence clear in her eyes.

"Why would you need to learn those, you are completely safe. You are just kids."

Harry let out a frustrated sound, standing up suddenly, his chair falling down behind him.

"How thick is that skull of yours you incompetent fucking twat?! We are _not_ safe!"

He turned around, facing the students behind him.

"I know you all don´t believe me. It´s beyond me why you would rather listen to this fucking corrupted idiot than someone who has _seen_ the truth. I get that you don´t want to deal with all the shit that will happen, but you _will, whether_ you want it or not, so why would you sit here quietly accepting the ministry to keep us from learning _magic!? _We are here to learn. Not to sit here like the ministers little puppies and do nothing! I´m so fucking _sick_ of you!" He turned around again, facing Umbridge.

"And I´m sick of _you!_ You´re telling _me_ that we´re just kids! Me and my friends have been through more then you have in your entire lifetime! I´ve faced Voldemort more times then I care to tell, I´ve seen my own friend get _murdered_ in front of me! And you are saying I´m a liar and a kid! Just... Just _fuck _you."

Everyone was in silence, all staring wide eyed at Harry as he slumped his shoulders, his hands covering his face. He suddenly look tired, weak and exhausted. Like he was about to faint. His face was pale as a corpse and his entire being shrunk into nothing. Then the attention drew to Umbridge as she cleared her throat.

"Attention, mister Potter. For polluting these innocent minds to something that is _not true._ You may all leave, class dismissed. And I´ll be seeing you, Potter in my office this evening."

There was a short moment where everyone sat still, then the entire room turned alive, and people flooded out the classroom, a buzz of whispers flying amongst them all.

Harry was still standing in front of his desk, now leaned forward, his hands leaning on the desk. Granger and Weasley was whispering in his ear, seeming to calm him down, comforting hands patting his back.

Though Draco could see that all Harry wanted was to run away.

He made his way to them, pushing past Harry´s two companions and taking him by the wrist.

"Come on." He muttered and pulled him along, out of the classroom and down the corridor. Harry followed him blindly, leaning his body weight on Draco, not saying a word.

When they reached the end of the corridor Harry suddenly stopped, mumbling for Draco to wait.

Then he sunk down on the floor, leaning his head on his knees, sighing deeply.

"How are you?" Draco asked carefully, reaching out to touch him.

Harry shook his head taking a shaky breath.

"I-I...I can´t..." He whispered and stood up abruptly.

"I... I need to..."

His voice was hoarse and weak, his eyes was unfocused and flicking panicky from side to side.

"I need to go. I need. I just need to get it away... I- I can´t."

He turned to leave, his steps disorientated. Draco grabbed hold of his wrist again, but pulled away again as Harry let out a hiss of pain.

"JUST LET ME GO!" He yelled, and ran away, leaving Draco staring after him, his heart pounding in fear of something he didn´t understand.

* * *

**Alrighty. Like I said. It´s messy as fuck. Having a bit of jetlag so the grammar is probably shit. And the plot is just... Argh... It´s too much now, I know that. But please don´t give up on this story, I´ll really try to make it work. :) Rewiev please and tell me what you think, and what you think I should do about this. :) thank you!**


	17. Love and hate

**Ehem. Hello. If I´m not mistaken, this chapter is a bit … or a lot earlier then I expected it too be. I thought that I would battle with this a whole lot longer. But well. Here it is. It´s longer then the others too. I hope you don´t mind. I really struggled with it! Anyways. Some warnings... I know I have neglected them for a lot of chapters... Sorry.**

**WARNINGS: Sexual shit and Self harming shit. Yes? Good. Then we know. **

**Ehhe. READ! :D**

* * *

_I shall not tell lies. I shall not tell lies. I shall not tell lies. I shall not tell lies. I shall not tell lies...She thinks she´s wise, telling me not to tell lies. I should make her eat flies. Watch her as she dies. Satisfaction in my eyes. Let her reach to the skies, screaming in demise. Who gives a fuck what she tries, as I quietly defies. _

Harry didn´t tell anyone about what Umbridge did to him. It was far too much of a confession that could lead to a conversation about his rather more excessive cutting. He couldn´t talk about it because he wouldn´t be able to keep from justifying it´s use. He liked the punishment he was given. It was far more pleasant than cleaning old caldrons. It was funny though how Umbridge seemed so satisfied with her method of punishment. She practically sat gloating, watching Harry writing the lines over and over. Though she seemed to grow tired of it, on later days, seeing as Harry didn´t as much as flinch at the pain. Didn´t stop one second to take a brake, but wrote intensely for hours, looking indifferently on the paper. He had even played with it, writing in different styles. From his own crooked writing to then trying to imitate Draco´s proper handwriting. Not even when the paper was so stained with blood that it turned soggy did he so much as flinch a muscle in his face, just raising his head slowly, looking at the pink-clad toad at her desk calmly asking for more paper. She had left a hefty pile at his side after that, every session. Then he could just go on, changing paper when needed, starting over, and over and over.

Later, when the session was over, Umbridge would look at him, her eyes flashing with suppressed anger at how little her petty punishment affected him, and Harry would smile at her, his lips curving in amusement at her frustration. Because they both knew, this had turned out to be her being punished, rather then the other way around. She was the one that had to suffer while Harry calmly sat by, watching. But it was over now, his last session was done and despite the amusement it caused him, he was glad to be done. Now he just needed a distraction, he thought as he nonchalantly waved behind his head at his punisher, walking down the stairs.

* * *

Draco was wandering mindlessly in the corridor, having just left the library, his mind still mulling over the properties of the befuddlement draught that he had been reading about the last two hours for his upcoming potion essay. Then he unexpectedly came to a halt, realizing the very thing he had been tying to work out the entire afternoon. He reached for his bag, looking for a quill and parchment to write it down when all of a sudden a playful whisper was whistling in his ear, a pair of tender lips connecting with his neck.

"Heeeey" The voice said, it´s lips pressing against his skin again. Draco jumped slightly, caught of guard but soon recovered. He could never forget who´s that voice was. Harry.

"Wohe, hey." He said, trying to act normal despite the slight awkwardness he was feeling. "What´s up with you sneaking up on me all the sudden?" He added, unconsciously leaning into the lips that wandered sinfully at the curve of his neck. He had missed this.

"What, can´t I come and be with my boyfriend?" Harry chuckled, his voice weirdly cheerful. "You´ve been avoiding me for days! You´re not still mad about that blushing conversation, are you? I´m telling you, get over it." He chuckled again, abandoning the pale neck and changed his tone to a mock angered one. "Or is it just that you don´t want to be seen with me? You know I get if you don´t want to tell people we spend our days sucking tongue, but we could at least act like we are friends. I miss talking to you on the brakes. And at lunch. And always." He let his hands wander over Draco´s chest and down to his belly, hugging him from behind, placing his chin on Draco´s shoulder. Draco took a strengthening breath, calculating the situation, thinking swiftly that_ talking_ wasn´t the thing on his mind right now.

He was torn. That much he knew. He didn´t know whether to play along with Harry´s weird mood swings or if he should confront him. Harry always did this. Whenever he had had one of his rage-attacks he would come back to Draco and practically jump him. Desperately cling to him and push him against the nearest surface and snog the living hell out of him and then getting them both off in a messy groping session. It was really confusing. Even more so as he acted as if though his rage fit never happened. He hadn´t even mentioned it since it happened. And now he turns up asking Draco why he had avoided him when he knew damn well that they both had distanced themselves from one another since Harry had been weirdly non-responsive to everything. Not saying more then three words to Draco if he even bothered to see him at all. Then naturally Draco had avoided him to let him settle things on his own seeing as he clearly didn´t want Draco´s help. He thought of what to say as he felt Harry´s hands all over him. It only took a few seconds though, deciding fairly quickly to let it go, not wanting to push the subject when Harry clearly had allowed it to pass.

"Of course I want to be seen with you." He said, his voice not giving away any hesitation or doubt, and leaned his head to that of Harry´s nuzzling his nose in his mess of black hair. "I just don´t want to take any risks. Especially not If you can´t keep your hands off me every time you see me." He continued, giving him a small kiss behind his ear. Then leaning away, acting angry." And for your information, yes I´m still mad. You left me all worked up, you didn´t even finish the job."

"Well, I was trying to prove a point. And regarding the touching, can you blame me? You look so good with your little teasing lip bites and slow neck rubs and secret smiles when I least expect it. Don´t deny it, you know you have been doing it!"

Oh. That. Yes, it was true. Draco had actually been trying to "seduce" Harry as he had been so weirdly distant. He wasn´t aware that it had helped though. He smirked at his success.

"Pfft, you think I have to act to look hot? Poor boy, so naive. This. " He said, gesturing to his body. " is no act. It comes natural. It´s not my fault that you are so easily affected. And by the way, it´s only fair for what you did to me."

"I´m telling you, get over it. And hun, are you really going there? Have you forgotten or do you want me to show you how easily affected_ you_ get?" Harry warned, turning them around and pressing Draco against the wall, looking him in the eyes with a suggestive smile.

Draco shivered, against his will, and tore his eyes from the intense green ones and pushed him away slightly in the chest.

"Was there something you wanted , or did you come here just to degrade me?" Draco had had enough with the tip toeing around, Harry really was mad. Had worse mood swings then a girl. Pfft.

"Actually, there was something." Harry began, swallowing, he too getting his mind out of the lust-filled fog it was trapped in. Draco noticed this and seemed smug that he wasn´t the only one to be affected. Then Harry continued. " I found this cool place I thought you might be interested in." He added, starting to get suspicious about the look in Draco´s eyes.

"Oh, is that so? Unfortunately the only place I am interested in right now is already right here. " Draco whispered hoarsely, sliding his hands along Harry´s spine and grabbing his ass.

Harry yelped slightly but soon recovered.

"Well..." He swallowed again." I think this might interest you even more." He breathed as Draco´s traced his fingers along the waist-line of his pants.

"How can you be so sure?" Draco mumbled against the side of his neck. Kissing and nibbling at the tender skin. Harry shivered and he could practically feel the smirk on Draco´s lips against his skin. He shook his head.

"Uhmm, save that. Just follow me" He said, taking Draco by the shoulders to keep him at bay.

Draco backed off reluctantly, though with his dignity restored, and followed Harry as he motioned for him to take his hand.

"Holding hands now are we? When did you become such a Hufflepuff?" Draco muttered with a slight smile as he was hauled along the hallways.

Harry didn´t answer, and only grinned sheepishly as he practically bounced with excitement to get them to their destination.

Draco rolled his eyes at him, trying to keep up while still walking with as much grace as possible.

"You know, I´m not much for surprises, being a Slytherin and all, and to be honest it would feel a lot more mature for just to tell me where we´re going." Draco told him, beginning to feel quite nervous as they continued down the abandoned, and forbidden forth floor.

"Where´s the fun in that?" Harry chuckled, suddenly coming to a stop in front of an empty wall.

"I happen to like mysteries and adventure, especially when it brings something as good as this." He said, motioning at the wall as if it was something amazing.

Draco looked at it, beginning to question Harry´s sanity even more. All those rage attacks must have twisted something in his mind. Maybe he had come here to do something terrible to him.

"It feels like you dragged me here to do something bad." Draco said, putting voice to his thoughts, glaring suspiciously at Harry.

Harry only smiled though, slowly approaching him again, looping his arms around Draco´s waist, his hands resting at his ass, slowly and somewhat sensually rocking them from side to side, their bodies grazing against each other.

"Something bad, yes. Just not the kind of bad you´re thinking off." He whispered in Draco´s ear, his lips brushing against his skin.

Draco shivered, gulping slightly.

"I think I might be thinking of that kind of bad now." He said with a slightly quivering voice.

Harry chuckled at that, a soft yet hoarse laugh, his breath ghosting over Draco´s neck.

"Tell me." He whispered, moving them slightly from side to side, kissing the side of his neck.

"What, you want me to talk dirty to you, is that it?" Draco whispered, his voice barely holding.

"Just tell me what you want and you´ll get it." Harry said, his hands moving more purposefully now.

Draco sighed shakily, closing his eyes to keep his concentration up.

"Alright, I´m thinking I want a place w-where we can continue this without getting caught." He finally said, his voice getting stuck in his throat.

"Open you eyes." Harry whispered and Draco yelped as he was suddenly standing in front of a door he was certain wasn´t there before.

"What the hell?" He exclaimed, glaring at Harry.

"What did you do?"

Harry smiled, opening the door.

"It was you." He said, stepping inside and dragging Draco with him, and suddenly they where in a room which was filled with cushions, couches and also a huge bed, standing purposefully in the corner of the room.

Harry watched him as he took in the sight. "Like it?" He asked, grinning at him.

"Eh, yeah. Best. Make-out-place. _Ever._" He said, somewhat breathlessly.

"It´s the room of requirement. It changes to whatever the person want it to be, so you were evidently being honest before." He said, nodding at the bed.

Draco pursed his lips slightly, raising his chin.

"Like you weren't thinking the same." He sniffed, as he walked to the bed, sitting down and glaring challengingly at Harry.

"So you coming or what? Or did you mean I was to "save that" until marriage?" He said, repeating Harry´s words when they had been in the corridor before.

Harry smiled a lopsided grin and made his way to the bed, practically thrusting himself at the blonde, getting right to business, kissing his way across Draco´s jaw and neck. He was stroking his hands ever so gently across Draco´s face, feeling the softness of his cheek, the slight quiver of his lips and the soft intake of breath as Harry moved his lips lower. He was unbuttoning his shirt, revealing his protruding collar-bones and his pale chest. Harry never got tired of exploring Draco´s body. He got bolder and bolder every time, moving further and further down, testing his own boundaries which he never seemed to be allowing to be set because of his fear of loosing Draco.

One by one the buttons was undone, the pale skin triggering Harry to go on. The slightly too protruding rips, which Harry kissed one by one. The curve of his waist, that was immediately captured by Harry´s hands as he moved them down slowly, feeling the goosebumps evoke by his firm touch. His flat stomach that was moving in waves synchronized by Draco´s ragged breaths. His sharp hipbones which lead a path down underneath the waistline of his pants, just waiting to be explored. Harry was quick to give in, letting his fingers tracing the line above the trousers, listening to the desperate whimpers as he let his thumb sneak inside just a fraction.

Draco, seeming to be dissolved breath by breath, felt the strongest need to touch, to feel and to just hold on to _something, _Harry´s daring hands being to overwhelming. He suddenly grabbed hold of Harry´s wrist, holding tightly to stop him from going further. His wish was granted, but maybe in a slightly too abrupt way then he had wanted.

He heard a sharp hiss of pain and then Harry was gone, Draco´s hand being slapped away, the shivering touch of the other boy´s lips and hands ripped from his body too soon. He opened his eyes watching as Harry withdrew himself looking at him with angered eyes.

He took hold of his hand that had so rudely been slapped away, feeling a slight hint of pain.

"What the hell?" He uttered, confused and rejected.

Harry only glared at him.

"You can´t just... Just grab me like that." He said, making no sense to Draco since he himself was doing much bolder things then just "grabbing".

The rejection stung inside him, and he was pushed right into a defensive state, glaring at Harry, just as mad.

"What is wrong with you!? Your mood swings are fucking killing me!" He yelled, blushing in irritation.

"Nothing´s wrong with me, I´m just fucking..._ Urgh_, Just. Nothing. _Nothing_. Okay?" Harry answered, a irritated huff escaping him as he whipped his head away, looking highly defensive.

"Harry. I know there is something going on with you. Why wont you just tell me?" Draco said, his voice softer now.

"It´s nothing, just let it go." Harry muttered, now looking very embarrassed at having acted so childishly.

"Stop lying. You know you suck at it." Draco retorted, getting sick of all the lies.

"I´m not! If there was something _worth_ telling, I would, but there isn´t."

The was a long silence then. Draco was thinking of what to say, wanting so badly to make Harry open up to him. Feeling rejected to always be pushed away like this.

"...Harry..." He said reproachfully, frowning deeply at him.

"Let me suck you off." Harry suddenly spluttered, staring right ahead at nothing, his eyes slightly desperate.

"W-what?" Draco stammered, not prepared for the proposition. He went blank for a second, imagining the scene and moaned inwardly at the pictures he saw.

"Suck you off. You know. Your cock down my throat." Harry rambled, his causal tone sending sparks down Draco´s spine.

Draco blinked, looking at Harry´s lips, enchanted by the possibilities. Then he jerked alive.

"W-wha... Wait a minute. You´re doing it again! You´re distracting me!" He exclaimed, outraged.

Harry rolled his eyes.

"Oh just shut up" He huffed, taking him by the hips and pulling him closer, pulling down his pants, leaving no room for protests.

Draco was already half hard, considering the earlier events and moaned when the first touch of Harry´s hand made contact with him, sending shivers through his entire body. But he wasn´t going to give in that easily.

Harry went closer, leaning his face until he was close enough so that his breath was brushing Draco´s rather sensitive limb.

Or should he give in?

Harry looked at it, as if it held all the answers to his problem, closing the distance and ever so gently grazed his lips on the head of Draco´s prick, barely touching at all.

Oh god.

"W-wait." He breathed, debating his sanity to interrupt something like this.

"S-shouldn´t we... Ehh. Talk about this first?" He stammered.

"No." Harry stated simply then closed his lips around Draco fully, leaving him screaming in pleasure.

He stayed like that for a while, just getting used to the feeling, feeling the weight on his tongue, the taste musky and unfamiliar, but far from unpleasant. He hesitantly rearranged his lips, pursing them slightly and moving his tongue down, and then up again, evoking yet another moan from the blonde who was now gripping the sheets, his head pressed into the mattress. Feeling encouraged, Harry continued, now sucking gently, taking the length in until he could feel it tickling his throat. He swallowed, trying to adjust the slight discomfort then moved up again, coming up for air, gasping slightly, he looked up at Draco, he had sat up, leaning on his elbows looking down on him with heavy lidded eyes, biting his bottom lip.

"B-breath through you noes." He offered breathlessly. "It helps."

Harry, not waiting for further instructions went straight to business, starting with licking the length from the shaft to the head, pecking it gently before taking it in again, repeating the procedure, licking, sucking, swallowing, breathing, up and down. He would look up from time to time, the sight of Draco falling apart above him making him just as excited. The moans when their eyes met vibrated his throat and made Draco scream out, desperately placing a hand on the back of Harry´s head, threading his fingers in his hair, unable to take another second of the heavily torture.

When he came, Harry´s name that had been whimpered repeatedly until then, was screamed out, it´s echo making it´s way through the room, leaving a heavy silence, only breathless panting left to play in their ears. They both fell down, exhausted.

* * *

As Draco was lying in his bed, later that evening, he couldn´t help but pondering about Harry and their sexual relationship. He couldn´t help but be astonished by how easily Harry was processing all this and how fast he progressed intimately. He was a bit envious of him sometimes, and secretly wanted him to struggle the way he had. But that must be the old rivalry mind-set that was haunting him and he tried to push it away as soon as it came. But it wasn´t always that easy. It felt sometimes like Harry wasn´t taking everything seriously. It was like the sex was becoming the only thing that they were waiting for now in their so called relationship when in truth, it should be so much more to look forward to.

Merlin, he must be mental, thinking like a bloody Hufflepuff. Who cares that the romance wasn´t at its peak right now. They had been through much together but hardly enough to have them emotionally changed. They were still Potter and Malfoy, in the back of their heads. Years of rivalry isn´t that hard to just push away. Clearly, as they were still fighting, pretty nastily at times. But their minds wasn´t fully matured in the same way either. Their minds wasn´t really walking step in step with their relationship. Malfoy still caught himself thinking that Harry was a twat and needed to get his head out everyone´s asses, and leave some of his spotlight to others. Difference is, apart from before Draco knew those thoughts were really just jealousy rather then truthful opinions. And Draco was pretty sure that Harry still thought of him as a spoiled brat at times. Walking around in personally tailored robes, being sent pompous gifts and being unfairly treated in potion class. Apart from Harry that is, who was practically burned alive by Snape´s gaze each and every lesson. Draco snickered at that, a lingering smile playing on his lips, as he looked up at the roof of the four poster bed. It really wouldn´t do, lying there and mull over things he couldn´t control anyway. He should just let things play along, and watch it as it goes. He couldn´t control Harry´s feelings, neither could he restrain his own. And it wasn´t like he didn´t like the things they did. He really did. It was amazing as much as surprising how Harry learned so fast. It was like he knew every part of Draco, how to make him squirm, how to make him whimper like a little defenseless girl. How to leave him with a boner by only thinking of it.

Stupid, hormonal body. He thought as he rearranged himself so that he wasn´t squeezing his heir-maker to death. It was silly how easily affected he got by Harry. It had always been like that. Harry had always been able to push his buttons, grind his gears, and make him a fuming mess, so unlike the sophisticated Slytherin he was suppose to be. Point was, there wasn´t really a problem. Couples fight. Even though maybe they wearn´t a very normal couple... But still. And If Draco really wanted to make things more serious. (Which was incredibly weird by it self) He could just go ahead and tell people about them. He should just jump out of the closet and tell people they had this Salazar and Godric love story relationship. That would definably make things serious. But not in the way he wanted. It would get serious as in, him being bullied to insanity by those homophobic bastards and Harry being portrayed in the prophet like a raging lunatic who finally got so mad he´s screwing his own enemy. No... That wouldn´t do. But if they didn´t come out and tell people, someone else would probably do it. Like Blaise. He had been really persistent lately. When Harry hadn´t talked to Draco for a week, he had came thinking they should hook up. Draco had, of course told him to fuck off, and to keep away from him, but Blaise, being the stupid fuck that he was didn´t listen and almost attacked him. Thank Merlin that Pansy had just burst in and stopped it before it could even happen. But Draco was beginning to feel a little unsafe. Especially now when Harry was so incredibly angry about the smallest of things, and when he was so clingy.

Urgh. He hated Blaise for doing this to him. For making him see the bad things, for making him doubt. He would need to settle this.

* * *

The next day, Harry woke up far too late for his liking. He saw his friends had already gone and was irritated they didn´t wake him up. They were probably afraid he would yell at them, but that didn´t make Harry any less angry. He jerked up, putting his clothes on as fast as possible, and brushed his teeth then ran down and out of Gryffindor Tower, almost running over a third year. He was stressed, and his heart was pounding ominously and he suddenly realized he hadn´t cut himself. He opened his bag, messing though his stuff in there, frantically looking for the razor so that he could do it now. But no such luck. He must have forgotten it at his room. And it wasn´t like he had the time to go and get it. Lessons would start soon, and he couldn´t be late for another lesson this year. He let out a frustrated yell and kept going, feeling himself fall apart for every step he took. When he arrived at the classroom, he sat down next to Hermione, not listening to their excuses when they tried to justify their mistake. He was so mad. And he knew that this anger would only grow. And make it so much worse if he didn´t get a chance to cut. This was all he could think off, and it left no way for him to concentrate on the lesson, as he was planning how he would run up between this class and the next. Even though he knew that he wouldn´t make it. There was only five minutes brakes today beside lunch brake, and he wouldn´t be able to make it back in time. He thought about summoning it, but that was far to much a risk. No only could he hurt someone else, but someone could also see it and tell that it was him that was summoning it. He couldn´t have that. He wondered desperately if he had potions today, and realized that no, he didn´t. Which left him no chance of getting his potions knife. He was fucking screwed until lunch.

He looked across the room, seeking Draco´s eyes, and in a moment of stupidity thought about asking him for his knife. Fuck. He really was desperate. That would be far to suspicious. Draco raised his gaze too, meeting Harry´s and raising his eyebrows questioningly. Harry just shook his head, his features growing grim.

When the bell rang them out, he made his way directly to Draco, dragging him to the closest hideout and snogged the living hell out of him. Draco was surprised, but went along. He knew that Harry needed this sometimes, more then he did. A way out in sorts. And if he couldn´t cut, this was all that Harry had to get his mind of things, to prevent his anger to fill him up completely. It had already gone to far, which made his touch maybe a little too rough, his hands grabbing Draco a little to harsh. But he didn´t complain. Suddenly Draco pulled away, not saying anything but motioning for them to get out. They didn´t have long, since class would start. Harry only nodded, and they went separate ways.

As the second class went by, Harry had a little more concentration, but not enough to do a good job. McGonnagal was displeased, Hermione was displeased, every one was displeased. He himself was displeased. But Lunch was arriving, and once this class was dismissed he would run directly to his room, and do what he needed.

But fate was against him today. And his only chance to run away was taken from him. From non other then Dumbledore himself. He who hadn´t make an appearance this entire year. And now he came, ruining Harry´s day like the stupid fuck he was.

Normally Harry would had blushed in shame at that thought, but he was far to angry now to care. He followed the old coot to his office, planning escape routes the entire way. But once inside, it was too late and Dumbledore went straight to business. He looked at Harry was sad blue eyes and spoke in a low, discouraged voice.

"Harry... I´m afraid, the intrusion to your mind that you have been feeling lately, is the work of non other then Voldemort himself. Your connection to him has somehow made a bond between you two, and even though he might not be aware of this yet, there might come a time where he will use this bond against you. Therefore, I need you to work with Professor Snape, in protecting your mind, from this intrusion, not only to keep you safe, but others around you. This anger you feel, it´s not your own, the line between your minds makes you feel his … Feelings, if you may, when he´s angry, you´re angry, when he feel malice, you feel this too, and the other way around, when you start feeling irritated or angry about something, you feed this anger that is him, making it so much worse. " Harry´s mind went around and around in his head. First off, he had no idea that Dumbledore knew about this, but then again, he knew everything. Then that it was Voldemort that was the one that had ruined his mind, just made everything worse. He looked up at Dumbledore, question in his eyes.

"How will I protect my mind? I-I´ve been _trying_ to... To keep... _him_ away, but nothing works!" He stated desperately. He was desperate to know how to get rid of it. He needed out.

"I don´t know in which way you have been able to keep him away for this long, but it seems as if though you are only feeding the evil that is him. The only way you can keep him at bay, is though Occlumency. You will have a session, every Saturday evening, with Professor Snape." Dumbledore said, leaving no argument in chance.

"Why him?" Harry tried, wanting it to be anyone but him.

"Because he himself have mastered the arts of this magic, and used it as defense to Voldemort for many years. I trust him, and his ability to learn you. Now, off you go. I believe your friends are waiting for you." He dismissed, practically shooing him away.

Harry made his way out, when Dumbledore suddenly called him again.

"And Harry, I suggest... You not mention this to anyone then your most trusted."

Harry nodded and walked out, feeling heavily discouraged. He was so confused. Yet so in the clear of everything. He finally knew what was happening to him. It was Voldemort. His blood boiled at the mere thought of it. It was always Voldemort. _Always_ him that screwed up his life. He was sick of it. He didn´t want to have a bond with Voldemort. Didn´t want anything connecting him to that sick, murderous lunatic. He just wanted to be his own person. Just be Harry. The boy who wakes up in the morning, brushing his teeth, eating breakfast, going to lessons, being with friends, and then falling asleep on the nights, with his own dreams, his own thoughts. He wanted out. Out of this world and everything in it. He remembered how happy he had been, finding out about this world, making him _something_. Something else then just Harry. Now, everything was different. Voldemort had stolen everything, his parents, and thereby his loving home. Forced him to live with a pair of abusing bastards. And now he had stolen his second home, where he had felt safe and loved. Why could he never just leave him be? What the fuck did he want with him?!

As these thoughts flew through his mind he felt the anger flowing though him again. He tried to clear his mind, thinking about something happy, but he couldn´t he was already stuck in the endless circle. He needed to do something. He needed Draco. Without thinking he started running. Not to the great hall but the dungeons. Somehow he knew that was were he would be. He felt disorientated, not really seeing where he was going, but knowing anyways. He felt himself fuming, and he wouldn´t let anything get in his way. He had had a shitty day, he needed release. He needed something to take his anger away from him. And for once, he didn´t think of the cutting. He didn´t realize that at the time, but he would.

He stopped when he arrived at the Slytherin Entrance, waiting restlessly for a student to make his way here. And when it did, Harry lunged forward, pointing threateningly at the wall.

"_Open it_" He said, leaving no argument what so ever, as the little kid said the password with a slightly shivering voice.

* * *

"What the fuck do you want Blaise? I told you to keep away from me." Draco said, feeling incredibly angry now that he actually saw Blaise. He had been thinking of confronting him himself, but changed his mind in the last second, but now he was here, annoyingly so.

"Yes, I heard that one. But I decided I wouldn´t care about it." Blaise retorted, making Draco look at him coldly.

"And why is that?" He asked. Blaise huffed irritably, pacing the room.

"Because it´s fucking rubbish. What, you thought that just because you and the golden boy are fucking you could just ignore me? Your fucking friend since we were six? Listen to yourself. You´re fucking selfish and blind by your fucking obsession with that fucking Potter." He yelled angrily, stopping in front of Draco, pushing him in the chest with his finger.

"No, you know fucking well that´s not my reason to ignore you you fucking twat. You brought this upon yourself so don´t you dare blame this on Harry. It´s not my fault you can´t deal with your fucking sexuality."

"You... Fuck you. There´s nothing to deal with." Blaise stuttered lamely, making Draco smirk with success.

"Really? Then please, can you rewind the time and prevent me from handling you problem with my mouth? Cause I would love for that to never have happened." He said sweetly, knowing how to push Blaise buttons.

"Shut up! You don´t know _shit!" _

Draco rolled his eyes. Looking at Blaise with conceding eyes. He really was pathetic.

"But I do. You´re just jealous. You want Harry out of the way so that you can have your sex-toy back. And I wont fucking that bullshit Blaise. I´m not dealing with your shit again. You had your chance with me. I was willing to be with you, the only thing you had to do was to admit to yourself who you were. But you didn´t. And here we are." Draco motioned with his arms, his smirk still in place.

"You think all that I wanted was the fucking sex? I wanted that just as much as you did, but that´s just the thing. You didn´t want it. I knew that you were still obsessing over that fucking Potter. All that_ I _demanded was for you to get over him. Which you didn´t."

That made Draco huff in annoyance. Figures that he would use that one again. Fucking idiot.

"Oh please. Give me a fucking brake. You know yourself we would never had worked. You made me feel like a fucking house elf. Throwing me away when I had dealt with your shit. Wince at the very _word _– gay... Do you know how that made me feel? The look of disgust when I tried to talk about it. When I told you that you had to get your narrow little mind around the fact that you were just as gay as I was. It made me feel like crap. Like a fucking piece of shit. I bet you didn´t realize, but that look of disgust wasn´t just directed to the word, or the thought of it, but it was directed to _me_." Draco said, his voice ice-cold. He didn´t know how strongly he felt about this until he said it out loud.

"I was never disgusted by you. You know that." Blaise said lamely, again making Draco snort.

"No I didn´t and you didn´t do anything to make me think otherwise. Sorry Blaise, but you are not capable of seeing the truth when it´s standing right in front of you, sucking your cock, so don´t come here saying there were something else to it. I´m fucking tired of this." Draco said, making his way out. But stopped momentarily and looking back as Blaise spoke, his voice desperate.

"What the fuck do you want me to say to make you fucking believe me?!"

"The truth. For once in you life." Draco answered hollowly.

"Okay fine! I fucking lllooii... Wanted you. Okay?!" Blaise tried, but failed, and Draco rolled his eyes again and began walking out.

"Pfft. You can´t even say it. You´re pathetic. I´m leaving. Don´t bother me again."

But then Blaise lungs forward, tugging Draco to him and placing his face between his dark hands, squeezing his eyes shut tightly as he kissed him slowly.

Blaise´s lips tentatively working the other boy´s non responsive ones in a way he never had before. It had always been quick and non caring. Leaving no time to process the fact that he was indeed with another dude. He had never stopped to really feel. The pulse underneath his skin, the slight stubble of the others cheek. The heath of their bodies and the pressure of their lips. But it was over as soon as it had begun, and the next thing he knew was a fist colliding with his jaw, sending him flying backwards hitting the bedpost behind him, falling to the ground with a thud. He looks up, fairly confused, as he now saw that the one that hit him wasn´t Draco but Potter, standing furiously over him, his fist still cramped tightly together, his jaws pressed shut, a low growl growing in his throat, his eyes as black as the souls of the most horrific creature. It was unnerving to say the least, Blaise had never seen Potter so angry. So completely and utterly mad with hatred and rage. It was like staring into the eyes of the Dark lord. He shivered and dis-attached his gaze from the black ones, looking at Draco who seemed just as afraid as he was. He had the right to be. Cause the next second, his cheek was covered in a red mark, Potter´s palm just retreating from it. Draco backed away, covering the sore area with both his hands, staring unbelieving at Potter who was now panting short, ragged breaths, fume practically bursting out his ears. He turned to Blaise again who flinched away slightly as he did so.

Fearing he would get another beating he recoiled from the floor, standing up fearfully. But Potter only uttered one word, no further violence needed at the time.

"_Leave_." He growled, glaring at the boy as he retreated.

Draco, still creeped up in the corner of the room, looking with wide eyes at Harry, opened his mouth to speak, his voice low as he did so.

"You hit me." He whispered, offense clear in his voice.

Harry didn´t answer but paced the room, his hands tangled in his hair, frustrated sound escaping him from time to time.

Draco merely watched him, still unable to wrap his mind around what just happened.

"You_ hit_ me." He repeated, anger now seeping through his words.

He stood up, glaring at Harry, who was still pacing, seeming not to be listening or even aware of his presence.

Draco made his way to him, standing in his way as he turned around to pace the other side of the room.

He pushed him back at the chest as he tried to make his way past him, then raising an accusing finger at him, shaking with anger.

"Why the fuck did you do that you incompetent moron?!" Draco swore, once again pushing the other boy back by the chest, making him snort with anger, his head whipping to the side, avoiding Draco´s gaze. Draco, having none of it, grabbed his face and forced him to look at him.

"Answer me you cunt!" He screamed, still not getting any response.

Draco back a step, looking Harry over, now seeing him differently. He was so stiff, his shoulder square and rigid, his fingers digging in his palm as he had them in tightly closed fists. His jaws was set, seeming painfully pressed together. It looked as if though he was fighting his own body, holding himself back. Restraining the rage that was so evident in his eyes. Anyone else would have ran for it by now, but Draco stayed put, not knowing why himself. For one, he was still angry. Draco Malfoy wasn´t slapped around. Especially not like some quite maiden, taking the crap without a word.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!? Stop being so bloody weird and just fucking tell me what´s going on already! Get some fucking self-control and stop acting like a fucking child."

Harry, having squeezed his eyes shut until now, opened them suddenly, glaring at Draco, his entire being now shaking with restraint rage, about to snap.

"Just..._Fu´coff!_" He hissed between his teeth.

"What?! Are you fucking stupid?! Do you think I´ll leave and just take a fucking beating without an explanation! I did _nothing_ wrong!"

Harry suddenly snapped, hitting the bedpost with his fist, an audible crack echoing in the room, as he let out a frustrated scream.

"_JUST SHUT UP YOU FUCKING WHORE_!" He yelled. His posture now changing into a somewhat rabid one. He grabbed Draco´s forearms, his grip on the verge to too painful, breathing through his nose his eyes frantic yet a slight flicker of something else was in there. What, Draco couldn´t pinpoint.

Harry changed his hands, moving them to Draco´s shoulders, and tightened his grip, his thumbs digging into the hollow of Draco´s collar-bones and continued his yelling before Draco could say anything.

"YOU FUCKING... FUCKING.. _K-KISSED _HIM!" He accused, his voice breaking uncharacteristically, his murderous behavior and the hoarse word yelled at him clashing together unnervingly. Then he let go of Draco´s shoulders, pushing him away as he turned around, starting to pace the floors again.

"I did _not_ kiss him." Draco said after a while, his arms and shoulders pounding with a painful heat.

Harry started laughing then, a humorless, frantic laugh, once again, threading his hands through his already tussled hair, shaking his head frantically from side to side.

"Stop lying you bitch! I fucking _saw_ it! Harry fumed, kicking the trunk he just passed.

"I´m not lying you incompetent fuck! _He_ kissed _me_!" He yelled, furious at the other boy.

"You let him! You shouldn´t have left him with the option to even come that close! There shouldn´t have been any doubt in question that you wanted him to! That fucking... Fucking asshole! I want to just fucking _rip_ his fucking _heart _out and let him eat his own intestines!" There was a fearful amount of truthfulness in the words, Draco noticed. Harry seemed without regret at his words, seemed as if though ripping someones heart out was daily business. There was malice in his eyes, pure joy over the thought of taking his words into action. His eyes shifted from black to green, his expression changing from malice to a face of regret and a sense of betrayal and sadness. Then back to the murderous, non-caring lunatic. Draco took a step back, despite himself, afraid of the less then normal change in Harry´s face.

"I did not _let_ him." He began slowly, afraid that the wrong words would send him to a rather painful death.

"I was telling him off. He was going at me with all this old crap that we had... Which we didn´t even have. It was just so stupid. I was just about to leave when he lunged at me, trying to prove a fucking point to get me back to something that I _never _wanted. I don´t want him. And it makes me damn fucking mad that you would even imply it. That you would even think that I would do something as trivial as cheating against you. That you don´t fucking trust me despite all that I have said. Despite all the effort I have put into making this work. To make _us_ work. To make you open up to me. Still you stand here accusing me, telling me I´m lying, when you yourself are hiding something from me. Something you refuse to tell me. I wont take that shit, you should know that. I don´t take shit. That´s the reason Blaise and I didn´t work in the first place. If I wanted to be some insignificant little shit that just took shit and fucking let people get me down, to let them_ hit_ me, hurt me and use me I would have never been with you." Draco stopped for a while, letting out a shaky breath, his voice changing from angrily offended to a soft and uncharacteristically meek tone of voice.

"It´s _you_ that I want. You have always been the one that I want. Since the first time I saw you, you have been the only one that I have looked at in humility and seen as an equal. You stripped that spoiled boy piece by piece with your mere presence. Making me a different and a better person. You are the only one I have trusted completely, utterly and indefinitely. And it saddens me that you don´t trust me as I trust you." Draco ended his speech with a deep sigh, not letting his eyes divert from the now deep green ones. Staring at him with determination and a fearless sense of affection and belonging.

He took a step forward again, closing the distance between the two of them, and let his hand reach out to Harry´s cheek, still looking him in the eyes. It was weird how he now wasn´t afraid at all. He didn´t care that he was standing in front of a boy capable of so many things. He only felt safe now. It was weird. How he never really come to terms with these feelings until now. Never confronted them as he had now. The confession was the reason he felt safe. Because he finally felt safe about himself. When he came to terms with his own feelings the last barrier between him and Harry was eradicated. Leave them both vulnerable and opened to one another. This was something that had always made Draco recoil, and running away in fear, pulling up his walls of defense. He had always seen vulnerability as something bad. It was only now that he realized that there was so much more to this. That feeling like this wasn´t something bad. That feeling this utterly safe with someone, that he could strip himself apart completely and leave himself to Harry´s fate, it was something completely... Wonderful.

Harry had, during the rather emotional speech felt himself tear down his defenses as well. His rage was since long gone, leaving him with a calm feeling of understanding and affinity. The dark presence had recoiled from these feelings, leaving the exhausted body to his own fate, to Draco´s fate. He opened his mouth, not knowing what to say, only capable of uttering small sounds of amazement. He closed it again, and did the only thing he could to make the other feel his regret, his begging for forgiveness, his fear of loosing him, his feelings of wanting to be _close_. So close. He reached forward, his lips that had uttered such awful and hurtful things pressed against the others, massaging them tentatively, as if prompting them to feel his regret, to heal the hurtful wounds that he had made. He felt so flooded with emotions, with want and fondness. With rapture and elation. With enchantment and adoration. With pain and with pleasure. With need and desire. With a possessiveness and caring. He locked his gaze with the silvery ones, looking for some kind of permission to go on. To share his feeling with him. To allow himself to let go completely. He was met with a soft intake of breath and a gentle hand on his cheek. The pale hand stroking his face, washing away the tear that finally flooded over, feeling his own eyes tearing up. It was like that one tear reflected all the feelings that Harry was feeling, granting him everything, giving himself to him in every way.

Harry pressed his lips against Draco´s again, pushing them backward, following Draco´s as he pulled his head away slightly, not letting their lips disconnect. He reached his other hand up to Draco´s pale, soft face, stroking his cheek and them moving it back to his neck, supporting his head as he had reached the bed, slowly letting them both down on the soft surface. He parted their lips slowly, letting their breaths mix with each other, feeling every pore of his body tingle when he tasted the soft tongue that had sneaked in to press against his own, letting them dance together rather then battle for dominance. Draco tasted sweet and warm, like ice-cream a hot summer day. When all you wanted was to let the incredible and soothing taste hit you with its healing powers, making your entire body shiver, goose bumps trickling all over your skin at first touch. Of course, they had kissed before, but this was so much different. They had never been this close, never been this dependent on each other. Never wanted this much. Not in this way. It was slow and wonderful in every way and Harry moaned quietly as he sensation hit him like a bludger. Draco followed, letting out a gentle whimper, prompting Harry closer to him, letting his hands wander to his neck, bringing him down further and kissing him with renewed force. Their lips closing on each-other, their tongues tangling together, their mouths working together in a sinful symphony, moving in peaceful waves against each-other.

They felt disconnected, not really aware of their surroundings, then span around and Harry fell on top of Draco. They made themselves comfortable, never breaking the kiss as if though their lips was connected by some magical force. Once they were done, the room grew hot, and the air little and their clothes suffocating. Harry sat up slightly, straddling Draco´s thighs, and pulled of his shirt. Draco watched him with rapture, seeing the muscles working underneath the skin and feeling his breath hitch in his throat at the beauty. He reached his hands up, moving them up from Harry´s stomach to his chest that was heaving greatly at his uneven breathing. Harry, not being able to wait a seconds longer, reached down again, tasting Draco´s lips, but soon broke the kiss in order for him to tug at the hem of Draco´s shirt, making him arch his back slightly so that Harry could pull it off. Then he stopped, the lean body of Draco making him unable to breath. The pale skin shining despite the darkness of the curtains around them. He reached down again, letting his lips brush his way across Draco´s body. His chest, ribs and belly, everything going slow and gentle. Somehow they both knew what was coming, even though non of them had been through it before, they knew. They felt it in their very bones, and hearts, that was beating with anticipation and desire. There were mixed emotions, a flick of fear in Draco´s eyes as the realization dawned completely, but it soon disappeared when he saw the warm gaze above him, meeting his fears and being a part of them and feeling them himself. There was pleasure as the new sensations hit them both, in different ways, both so pleasurable in their own ways. There were pain bot also a reassuring knowledge that there was nothing that could hurt them, as they lay together, both in body and soul.

* * *

**Ehhee, yes. Yes. It happened. I know. Is it too early? I though it was time. They needed this. Both of them. I actually would have had this chapter out a lot earlier if I hadn´t worked so hard with that fucking sex scene that isn´t very graphic anyways. I tried to make it more discriptive but I thought it was not... time. And I suck at sexscenes so... This was better. Yes.. Review and tell me what you thouuuught of it and what you didn´t thought of it! :3**


End file.
